The Embodiment of Emotion
by Conjure Lass
Summary: With new lives come the promise of new possibilities. But just because you have a new shining future doesn't necessarily mean everything is going to be perfect. Will Roxas survive it? Find out here! AxelxRoxas
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** The Embodiment of Emotion

**Author**: Conjure Lass

**Rating**: PG-13 to NC-17 (none of that now)

**Summary**: With new lives comes the promise of new possibilities. But even with brand new chances come huge hurdles to be faced along the way. Will Roxas survive them? AxelxRoxas

**Disclaimer**: I don't own either of the boys. I wish I did. Then I could sleep better at night.

**Authors Notes**: This is my work for NaNo, so hopefully the chapters will come fast

Words echoed in the dark, pieces of a shattered puzzle that he didn't quite understand and yet continued to reach for. If he had been able to, he would have made the picture complete, weaving together the memories of a previous life that was now littered on the floor of his subconscious. Unfortunately, as he floated through what seemed to be the endless layers that lay between light and dark, Axel could only seem to focus on one thing, and one thing alone.

He had never gotten to see Roxas…

Only now, as the pieces of his memory began to float further and further apart, the name Roxas seemed to take on less meaning that it had before, becoming no more than a passing whisper in his brain. In fact, every single thing that seemed to have mattered before was breaking apart, leaving him with only the flickering thought of what must have been his last moments in…life? In the gloom of the in-between world, Axel's eyebrows came together in frustration at the thought of that…life. Had he been living? Now, with all this quiet time to think, he wasn't exactly sure.

And he couldn't really…remember his life anyway. So what did it matter?

"_I wanted to see Roxas_…," the voice in his head murmured, making his eyes water up at the memory. Why had that last moment been so important? What had made it so special? His green eyes closed, trying without success to pull the drifting moments back together, only to find himself frustrated and empty. The voice in his head was his own, that much he knew, but he couldn't seem to tell what he'd been talking about at the time.

Everything was fading…

"_He…was the only one I liked. He made me feel_ …"

Suddenly from somewhere outside the small bubble of space that he'd found himself in, a soft voice seemed to start whispering. At first Axel merely ignored it, content to drift along in that nothingness for eternity, until the presence of the whispers started to become too much to ignore. That's when he began to strain his hearing, biting at his bottom lip in an effort to catch the sound in his ears and make sense of it all. To his annoyance, it seemed that the harder he tried to hear the less it seemed to speak, until the whispers had become soft cries in the dark and he had allowed himself to stop caring.

That's when it happened.

His hand twitched softly, accidentally brushing against something soft and warm. Axel's eyes quickly opened, blinking slightly at the sensation of something real under his fingertips. Knowing somehow that the object was behind him, he managed to turn himself over in the zero-gravity of true twilight and stare in wonderment down at the creature beneath him.

Red hair…just like his except that it was a good deal more manageable and pulled away from the pale face in a loose ponytail that trailed to his waist. The face, in fact, was identical to Axel's own, only without the strange tattoos that Axel could no longer remember getting were not there. Everything else, however, was the same. From the small waist and rather feminine hips, to the long expanse of his neck and the slightly slanting eyes…everything was identical. The only difference that Axel could immediately see was that this body (whatever it was) was very much alive. Its heart was beating in its chest, and each time that Axel began to reach out to touch the person the pounding would become louder until it rang in his ears like thunder and his fingers were perched directly above it's forehead.

With a soft sigh, Axel reached forward, letting his fingertips brush along the smooth skin of its forehead, not expecting anything other than the imaginary feeling of touching something (even though he knew he wasn't truly "alive"). Everything about this meeting felt…pre-destined…perfect. It was like the moment Axel's hand touched the flesh of this Other that everything fell into place. It was like becoming reborn…renewed…whole. And so, with a small smile, Axel leaned forward to get a better look.

"_My heart just wouldn't be in it, you know? Haven't got one_…"

And that's when the eyes opened…

Drowning, pulling, ripping at what little was left of the person he used to be, the hand of the doppelganger shot out, grabbing at Axel's wrist and holding on tight. Instantly Axel could…feel? Is that what that was? He could feel a myriad of emotions, from shock to revulsion to blatant fear. What he realized a few seconds after feeling these things was that…it was never that (in his old life) that he couldn't feel…only that they were muted. He realized that all the things he'd been told, though he could barely remember them anymore they were so faded, had been complete and utter lies.

Though for the life of him…he couldn't remember what that previous life had been.

"Who are you?" Axel's voice rang out in the gloom, shattering the peaceful silence. "Stop touching me!"

Soft flames licked around Axel's eyelids (though from where he didn't know), flashing dangerously. Apparently this was not enough to deter the clone below him from slowly reaching out its arms to embrace him like a family member, drawing them together with a quiet determination. The doppelganger had spoken not a word, its eyes seeming to look straight through Axel…but yet…there was desperation in that gaze that he couldn't ignore. And so, with a soft sigh, he allowed himself to be pulled into that gentle hug until all his thoughts began to slow like the end of a winter snowstorm and his eyes began to close.

And just before everything went dark, and Axel was left with only his name, he had the vague sense that someone, though he didn't quite know whom, was waiting for him…

"_I wanted to see Roxas_…"

The next thing he knew, he was in what could only be described as aerial free-fall, hurtling down towards what appeared to be a large body of water. Upon seeing the waves below he immediately closed his eyes, though not before noticing that the sky around him was strangely lit…sunset. Unfortunately, he didn't have a particularly long time to think about it, as before he knew it he was splashing down into the chilly liquid, coming up for air as soon as his body recovered from the shock of such a dive.

Once he'd splashed the water out of his eyes he looked around, trying desperately to blink the clouds away from his confused mind. Nothing was coming as he dragged himself up onto the shore of what he guessed was a bay. The town around him was bustling with life and activity, a few of the people slowing down or stopping all together to witness a soaking wet Axel pull himself from the prone position he'd been in on the ground and look around.

Oh yeah…that was his name…Axel.

And this place, this place where the sun was eternally setting (or rising if you're an optimist…somehow Axel knew he wasn't) was called…Twilight Town. He nodded to himself, a soft smirk forming on his lips as he realized that he'd finally remembered something. Everything else though, from his former life to why he was dressed like some Victorian gentleman when everyone else was wearing casual clothes, was a mystery. But somehow he didn't mind it…in fact; it was a pleasure to find himself wet and alive on some distance shore.

Because it almost felt like he'd come home.

"Sir," Axel heard turning only his eyes to the sound of the disturbance. "What happened? You came out of nowhere! Are you okay?"

Axel merely dismissed the questions with a wave of his hand, not bothering to answer them before walking off down some random street in an attempt to get away from the gathering throng. He glared over his shoulder when he heard the man call him some vulgar name, saying something about him being ungrateful. What was there to be grateful for? It wasn't like anyone had jumped into the bay to save his life; they'd just happened to be standing around _staring_ at him when he crawled out.

His dress shoes (complete with spats) clicked wetly on the brick street below, echoing in the hush that he'd suddenly found himself in. For every block of the city that was crazy with life and people, there was another that was quiet and serene…nearly boring. Axel licked at his lips for a moment, pausing as he reached a place where the street broke off into three places. Not knowing which way to follow, he glanced from right to left, eventually choosing the path going straight. As he pulled at his old fashioned jacket lapel, he had a passing thought that some of this walk looked very…familiar. It was almost as though if he closed his eyes he could make his way…

Home?

Thoughts of that word made his heart feel heavy, licking at his lips while he stopped for a moment. It wasn't that he didn't want to feel as though he were home, only that he didn't understand it, and he also knew that somehow home would never be complete…not without certain pieces. If he'd known what those pieces were he might have felt more at ease, but as things stood all he knew was that he was Axel, this was home, and somehow…he was going to find the missing piece to his life. Stretching his long arms out over his head, he promised himself at that moment that he would never allow himself to be content until every spot in his heart was full.

Once again he began moving through the town, finding that the longer he walked the easier it was to navigate. Just around the next corner was the old theatre and beyond that was a small fruit stand, or at least it used to be. And if you kept walking you'd eventually find yourself gazing over the entire town from a high hill, the view enough to take your breath away. Axel's eyes narrowed at that fuzzy mental image, wondering where the knowledge came from, but too tired and bemused with his current situation to really care. All he knew was that he was moving towards a destination, and that he was starting to get pretty close.

The walls of the alley were cool and covered with a thin layer of slime, coating Axel's fingers as he trailed them through the murky goo. Finally, after rounding what seemed like the hundredth corner, he stopped dead in his tracks and stared.

There, on the corner of two streets, was a house. A three-story house that was taller than it was wide, with peeling paint that at one point had been a steel blue. The windows were large and tall, some of them leading to balconies on the higher levels of the house. Axel felt his hair (when had it gotten so long…and was that a ponytail?) blow back, sending pieces of paper scattering all over the old, abused road in front of him. It was obvious from the upkeep of the house that the neighborhood had been abandoned a long time ago, but that didn't stop the torrent of emotion that flooded through Axel's heart at the sight of the house.

His home…

"_Come here my boy," cooed a woman's voice, pulling him into a soft embrace as he snuggled into her body. He'd wanted to stay in her arms forever, to be engulfed in that warm feeling for the rest of his life. Momma had always smelled of the softest laundry soap, the scent had always seemed permanently embedded in her skin from the countless hours she spent washing and cooking for her four children. And he'd been only too content to curl into her warm body, falling asleep with the childish trust that nothing would ever hurt him as long as Momma was there. It had only been later, when Momma was gone and the house had belonged to him, that he realized how absolutely precious those moments actually were._

Axel reeled, back hitting the concrete wall that was near him as images flashed through his head, voices he didn't recognize whispering to him. What was going on? He shook his head, determined to forget what had just happened. It was probably just an overactive imagination anyway, he thought to himself, straightening himself up and making his way to the bottom of the front porch steps. He couldn't deny though, that this house had apparently once been his home…or at least he'd lived here. The feeling of being home permeated his being, and he smiled softly as he ascended the first step.

If he closed his eyes and focused on the swirling thoughts in his head, he could barely remember that the first step had always been squeaky, and so he wasn't surprised when a loud creaking worked its way to his ears. It brought a smile to his face as his fingers passed over the aged wood of the front porch, which at one time had been polished and perfect. Now it was faded nearly to white, falling apart and bug eaten on some of the floorboards. As he kept walking he nearly fell through the floor of the porch, barely catching himself in time before he'd gone completely to the ground.

He paused with his hand over the doorknob, inwardly deciding if he truly wanted to open the door or not. Somehow this step seemed very important to him, as though by opening up the door to his old house he was somehow opening the door to a new life. The feeling intensified as his hand grabbed the doorknob and slowly attempted to turn it.

Only to find it locked.

"Oh damn it," he murmured, rolling his eyes. Well, that had properly demolished whatever ambiance the moment had once had. Shaking his head with a soft laugh, he sighed and looked around for any other way in. He wasn't going to give up on getting in just yet, so his only other options were to either climb in through a window or hope that there was a backdoor. With that he made his way back down the stairs and into the small yard, looking up at the windows with their faded curtains. None of the windows were busted out (amazingly) so that was effectively out. Eventually he found himself at the back of the house, going down a set of stairs to the basement door.

As he descended the stairs, instantly he was hit with the smell of mildew and standing water, his nose wrinkling up slightly. He had never liked the basement; he could remember that now. He had the feeling that whenever his momma had tried to get him to go downstairs to get something from its dark depths that he'd convinced one of his siblings to do it for him. But he couldn't remember their names…or their faces. All he could remember was begging someone else to go down in his place.

He'd been scared of a lot as a child…

"There had better not be any nasty fuckers down there!" he called, narrowing his eyes slowly. With that he opened the door and took a step inside. All around him were dirt walls that came to mid chest with crawl space that went underneath the house, nearly pitch black as far as the eye could see. The actual basement was nothing more than those walls with a stone floor, with a smaller room far in the back. Axel's eyes were darting everywhere as he scanned the area, suddenly finding himself much less afraid than he'd been. It was like he'd suddenly found pieces of another personality…one much less afraid and much more…cocky. It was almost pitch black as he strode forward, his shoes clicking loudly on the stone below.

From the corner of his eye he saw something move, turning his entire body to the source of the possible threat. Without understanding how it happened, the room started to heat up, until whatever had been scurrying around caught fire. He had to blink a few times at the sudden change in the light, narrowing his eyes to let them get used to the flames. Axel's eyes widened when he saw the thing, taking a few steps backwards as he stared at the burning remains of what appeared to be an opossum. It now looked rather worse for wear (though in his opinion the thing was ugly to begin with, so the fire was a slight improvement to its appearance) as it sort of shriveled up.

The sound of his swallows seemed deafening as the room began to cool back down, his heart nearly pounding out of his chest. It wasn't the small animal that had caused this response, but the fire that had appeared out of nowhere, apparently called by his own fear. As he looked down at his hands he shook his head, not understanding where it had come from. All he knew was that he had liked it, and that he didn't know how to call it again. He continued to stare at his hands for a few more moments, willing the fire to come back…but nothing happened. It looked like that was just one more mystery to add to the growing pile that he was making.

"Fuck you," he said to his hands, putting them down and wandering to the back of the basement. Now that the opossum was on fire it was actually making it a lot easier to navigate down there, so before he knew it he was climbing the stone steps up to a cellar door above his head.

Laying his hand flat on the surface above him, he gave it a few hard pushes, finding it not wanting to budge. He pushed on it again, grunting slightly as he felt his muscles strain against the aged wood of the door. He could feel that the door was open, but that something was literally on top of it inside the house, and so after a few hard shoves he began to feel whatever it was topple over a bit and fall away from the door. With that he was able to open the cellar and peek his red head above the top of the floor.

Green eyes scanned a large kitchen, the floors a startling jade stone that went all the way into what he thought to be the entry foyer. The walls had obviously once been a cream color, now faded and dirty with time…but the kitchen was actually not in bad shape. There was a black table in the far corner, and the counters themselves were made of a black marble that stretched in an "L" shape throughout the room. In the middle was a wooden island, some knives still scattered along its surface. It looked as though someone had been in the middle of doing something and been interrupted…and just never come back.

He wondered if it had been himself…

As he came up the rest of the way out of the basement, he stood looking around, brushing a few stray red hairs from his eyes. The corners were full to overflowing with spider webs; the kitchen curtains mere tatters against the glass. You could see where the mice had begun to chew at the wood of the forest green cabinets, making small holes into the floor. Though why they would have lived in this house was a mystery as there was no obvious food source anywhere. Axel shook his head and continued his way to the next room.

The living room was nothing exceptional and connected to the dining room at the front of the house, though together they did make an expansive room. On the far corner of the room was a large fireplace, two stained glass doors still closed in front of it. Axel knelt down next to the doors and ran his index finger through the soot and dust that covered the colored glass, revealing brilliant blues and greens below. The picture was of some kind of soft yellow flower, with a bright blue sky behind it that Axel revealed with the wipe of his hand. He smiled softly and stood up, going towards the stairs that led to the upper floor. If he could reveal the beauty of those glass doors with just a wipe of his hand, than he could certainly fix this house up.

The stairs to the upstairs groaned and creaked underfoot until he reached the top where a long hallway stretched to his right and left. On either end was a door, with a bathroom door in the middle. Glancing to the left, he decided to try that room first, opening the door slowly and peeking in. That room was nothing spectacular, though it had high ceilings and a large bay window that led to a small balcony. The room had only a small bed, which looked big enough for a small child, and a bookshelf on the other side of the room. Other than that the room was empty, and Axel made his way to the other room.

At first he had a little trouble getting the door open, but he discovered after much pushing and shoving that there had been a large armoire pushed against the door blocking him from getting in. Obviously someone had come into the room and put that furniture in front of it, as the scratches along the hardwood floor could be seen from where the armoire had originally been set. Axel's eyes narrowed slightly, not understanding why the large object would have been wedged against the doorway, but he went into the room anyway.

Only to discover one of the biggest messes he'd ever seen.

The far wall near the window was charred and blackened by fire, only bits and pieces of the blue wallpaper still clinging bravely, though they'd faded with time. Every piece of furniture in the entire room had been turned on its ear, from the bookshelf with its hundreds of books strewn out all over the floor to the full length mirror shattered on the ground glittering in the sunlight from the window. There were clothes from the closet all over the bed, covered with the dust of time but looking as though they'd been in a pile at one time. The bed itself was unmade, the pillows still showing telltale signs of someone's head imprint on the surface. Only one person had slept in the large bed, as the condition of the bed wasn't conducive to two or more people.

Axel stepped cautiously through the mounds of books and glass, stopping near the windows before something caught his eye. Reaching down, he took a large piece of the broken mirror in his hand and brought it to his face for a closer examination. It was stained brown with time, but he could tell that at one time it had been…red. He recoiled, dropping the shard back onto the ground and looking around the room in a slightly panicked way. Now that he knew that blood was on some of the glass he could see more of it, streaked along the floor as though whoever had been bleeding had been dragged along the wood. And if you looked very closely you could see scratches in the hardwood floor in sets of four, indicating that someone had drug their nails so hard to try to keep themselves from getting pulled that they scratched the surface.

His pulse was speeding up slightly as he began to back out of the room, his shoulders hitting the bedroom door with a painful thud. Not turning around to see what he was doing, his long fingers fumbled along the wood for a moment until it found the doorknob, grabbing it harshly and violently wrenching it open. With that he turned around and quickly made his way back down the hall, nearly running down the stairs until he reached the front door where he was about to leave.

But then he paused, hand on the front doorknob with his forehead pressed against the glass panes in the door, and tried to calm himself down.

"It's just a fucking house Axel, get a grip," he said to himself, pushing hard against the door to make himself step backwards. Taking a deep breath, he turned around and looked back down the hallway towards the kitchen. This was his home, and no matter what had happened here (not that he could really remember it) he was going to stay here and make the best of it. Afterall…it wasn't as though he had anywhere else to go.

That's when the gravity of his situation finally hit him. He'd been so preoccupied with wandering around and finding his house that he'd failed to realize a few things. One: he didn't have any money. Two: he didn't have any food. Three: as much as he liked this house…it had no electricity. Four: he didn't know how he was going to _earn _any money. All in all, when you added that list up, things were starting to look pretty bleak.

Those thoughts in mind, he walked slowly into the living room and dusted off a small space on the huge living room couch to sit down. Sighing softly he put his chin in his hands and tried to think of something he could do with himself that might earn him some money. The more he thought about it, the more bleak things looked, until he was biting at his lip and truly fretting about his possible future. It was then that he noticed the old splashes of color on the top of a good-sized wooden chest, and quietly he reached down to scrape at them with his fingernail.

It was paint.

Cocking a thin eyebrow, he lifted the lid of the chest, watching as the dust rolled off the top and pooled on the floor. When he looked within he found a large piece of tattered cloth covering some kind of contents below. Interested, he lifted what appeared to be an old quilt out of the box and laid it on his lap, looking to see what the rest of the chest contained.

He smiled when he pulled out an old painter's pallet, gripping it in his hands with an ease that surprised him. There were little circles of dried paint on it in different colors, though they were all turning an unflattering shade of brown. Looking down again, he pulled out a box with a torn lid that upon lifting revealed a set of unused paints. Unscrewing the lid of the first color, Axel was shocked to notice that the paint was still in liquid form, bright and perfect crimson that he marveled at. Cocking his head to the side, he looked lower only to find a pad of canvas that was in surprisingly good shape as well. Only the first few pages were faded or worn, but below they were nearly perfect.

He had an idea.

Within two hours he was back down at the pier where he'd originally fallen to the water below, streaks of paint all over his face and hands. He was attempting to re-create his own fall, painting with a practiced ease the water in front of him and the cloudy sky with its twilight ridden sun above. At first he had been a little nervous, the brushes not wanting to do what he wanted them too, but once he relaxed…everything seemed to fall into place. And now, a few hours later, he was finishing up a very attractive looking painting.

He paused when it came time to sign his name to it, his hand hovering over the bottom right hand corner of the painting as if he were afraid to go any further. What to put? All he knew was that his name had at one point been Axel, but other than that he was still baffled as to who he truly _was. _In the end he decided it didn't really matter, brushing the letters onto the canvas with large loops and gentle curves. Now all he had to do was find someone to buy it…of course…that was always the hard part wasn't it?

After visiting at least three art galleries (and becoming quite discouraged), he finally found someone who was willing to look past his old fashioned clothing and strange appearance long enough to actually look at his painting. The gallery itself was spacious and modern, the paintings and other work set up on black platforms and hung on the white walls. The entire place felt very clean…

Axel was immediately struck with the woman's beauty, though he chose to remain silent about it. He could tell with one look that this woman was not the sort to take any sort of problems…from anyone. She walked with an almost royal gate, dragging a heavy skirt made almost entirely of belts along with her. The top of her outfit was a tight-fitting corset with long bell sleeves and an ornate sort of edging along it all. She observed Axel warily, her honey brown eyes looking him up and down before motioning her head for him to follow her further into the gallery.

"Um…my name is Axel and…"

"We'll worry about the pleasantries later, for now bring your painting into the light where I can see it," she said, her voice soft and slightly gentle. It betrayed her movements, which were a strange mix of femininity and warrior grace, making her seem very enigmatic. Axel wasn't certain how to take her, but that was all right, as people might have said the same thing about him.

Finally making their way into an office (apparently hers) she motioned her head once again, this time to set his painting down on a small easel in the corner with a light perched above it. Wordlessly Axel moved to obey, glancing at her from time to time though her gaze never wavered in the slightest. Once he had the painting up on the stand he backed away, smiling at her though it was not returned. She moved up to it as though stalking a kind of prey, finally leaning down slightly to look at it more closely.

Honestly? Axel was surprised her breasts didn't fall out of her shirt with how pushed up they were.

"Hmmm," she hummed to herself, glancing from the painting to Axel and then back again. She made a few more thoughtful noises before going to sit down behind her cherry wood desk and look at him.

"You're good," she said finally, after staring at him for what seemed like an eternity. "You look like a freak…but I think all you artistic types are like that…"

Axel snorted slightly, crossing his arms over his chest and glowering at her. Who the fuck did she think she was to call _him_ a freak? He may have been dressed like something from a hundred years ago, but at least he didn't look like something out of an S&M magazine. As he continued to stare at her however, he started to have the slight feeling that at one time he had worn that much leather…and that his wardrobe hadn't looked that much different than her own.

Though the thought faded quickly.

"I'm not a freak, and I'm not an artistic type," Axel replied, leaning down over the desk and looking at her face more closely. He didn't like that he couldn't see one of her eyes. It reminded him of someone else that he hadn't been too fond of…someone who'd been in the same…group…as him. It made him leery of her, and made her seem less trustworthy.

She laughed softly, leaning her chin on her hands. "Oh you have spunk too…I like that…"

With that she stood up, extending her hand with the smallest smile Axel had ever seen in his life (though admittedly he couldn't really remember many) and waited for him to take it.

"I'm Lulu. You work for me now. Be here at 8am sharp tomorrow and we'll discuss the specifics of what you'll be doing…"

Axel reached his hand out and took hers, shaking it happily (though not too happily as he still wanted to appear cool) and took a step back. He nodded his agreement, giving his brief thanks, and was about to turn around when she spoke again, drawing his attention back to her.

"And here," she said, opening a drawer in her desk and opening it up with a loud clatter. She pulled out a small stack of bills and walked around the desk, shoving them into his hands. "I don't like my artists to look like complete bums. Go buy yourself some new clothes and I'll see you in the morning. And before your pride gets all injured…this isn't charity. I just bought that painting."

With that she walked around and out the door, not bothering to look back at Axel's shocked face. Looking down at the pile of money in his hands, he had a brief moment where he thought about trying to give it back, but then he realized that was absolutely the dumbest thing he'd thought all day. With that he walked out of the gallery and out into the street, pursing his lips as he tried to think of what to do next.

Where did one go to buy clothes anyway?

Glancing at a nearby clock, Axel was surprised to notice that it was nearly 7pm, though you'd never know it by looking at the sky. In fact, the soft sky had remained at the same level of twilight all day. Raising an eyebrow, he figured that's why it was named Twilight Town and just went about his business. He, after all, needed to find some clothes…and from the way his stomach was growling and rumbling…something to eat as well.

First things first was to buy the clothes before the stores closed, which actually turned out to be less of a problem than he'd originally thought it would be. Once he had a general idea of what he wanted to buy he was able to easily pick out a set of clothes that didn't totally look uncomfortable and yet would look professional enough to make Lulu not throw him out. He wound up with a long sleeved white shirt with a pointed collar, a pair of charcoal gray pants with some buckles on them and a pair of black boots. She could kiss his ass if she thought he was going to wear dress shoes…they weren't his style. After looking at the money situation he realized he could also buy himself a pair of pajama pants and a pillow and still be all right.

He'd be damned if he'd sleep with that pillow that had been sitting in the demolished room for…who knew how long.

Before going home he picked up some hot soup and some bread from a nearby store and some wood for his living room fireplace. Though he could have forced himself to clean up the master bedroom and slept up there, he chose not to. He wasn't ready to face that room again anytime soon, and the couch was more than big enough for him to spread out in without being uncomfortable. With that he began making his way home, bags in hand and feeling quite a bit better about his life situation as a whole.

Axel had just turned a corner when a teenager (couldn't have been older than 17) started coming towards him, eyes directed at the ground and muttering slightly to himself. Slowing his pace slightly, Axel felt his red eyebrow raise again as his gaze moved across the younger (thought not by that much) boy with a curiosity. He was skinny and had a face that was still incredibly young and naïve. His hair was sticking up everywhere, the color of cinnamon or mahogany, and he moved with the same kind of weird warrior grace that Lulu had. The kid must have noticed his gaze because he looked up at him…with the most incredible blue eyes Axel had ever seen.

And yet…he knew he'd seen those eyes before…but not in that face.

The teenager stopped dead in the middle of the sidewalk, his eyes taking on a confused look that told Axel that something was up. When he didn't say anything, merely picked up his pace and quickly walked by (though not without glancing in a curious way up at him), Axel kept on walking. What the hell had been up with that? He'd never seen that kid before in his life, and yet he felt like he should have at least said hello…or something.

Eh…screw that. He had more important things to worry about than some random teenager.

And yet, somewhere in his brain, something had been set off. It had been those eyes…eyes the color of the purest sapphire. If he closed his eyes…and really concentrated…he could almost remember those eyes looking at him from underneath a dark cloak. Almost. But it was more of a faded memory, like something out of a dream. And who knew…maybe it _had_ been a dream.

But if it _was_ a dream…why did the color of those eyes make his heart ache quite so bad?


	2. Chapter 2

**Title:** The Embodiment of Emotion

**Author**: Conjure Lass

**Pairing**: Axel/Roxas

**Rating:** PG-13 to NC-17 though none of that stuff now.

**Disclaimer**: I don't own the boys. Though if I paid in monthly installments do you think I could rent them?

**Authors Notes**: I like this chapter...A LOT. Roxas comes out a little edgier than the usual fandom version so forgive me if you don't like him. Ah well...

"So you're really going to give this Roxas kid his own body, huh?" Hayner said, licking at a bit of the ice cream that had begun to drip down his hand. Sora watched his tongue come out of his mouth, wondering how that long of an organ could fit into one teenager's mouth, but thought better than to make the joke. Hayner had a bit of a temper, and Sora was too stressed to deal with someone getting pissed off at him at that particular moment.

They'd all met up here in Twilight Town, meeting at Hayner's house since he was the one that everyone knew and…let's be honest…he liked being the boss. So, that being the plan, they'd gotten together to discuss what was going to go on and be generally friendly. Now, as they sat in Hayner's living room, Sora began to think that maybe he should have just come by himself and not bothered with all this. He wanted to be alone and not talk…merely think.

Sora nodded almost numbly, looking down at his own neglected ice cream that he'd placed on a plate when he realized he wasn't going to eat it. He still wasn't used to the fact that Hayner (the real one) didn't really _know _Roxas, and that every time that Sora spoke of him, it was like he was speaking about a complete stranger. Each time that would happen he could feel Roxas' displeasure rippling through his brain, and would soon find that the other personality would disappear for a while into his subconscious. Roxas, Sora had discovered, was slightly moody.

"Well that's pretty cool," Hayner answered thoughtfully, putting his finger up to his lips, looking far wiser than he actually was. "I don't know if I'd want to do that…I mean…it's not like he wasn't you to begin with…"

Sora almost physically recoiled as he felt the responding whiplash within him, knowing Roxas was stirring up slightly only to then submerge back down. At first, when they'd originally rejoined, Sora hadn't really been able to feel Roxas at all. Now that they'd had a year or two to sit around together, Sora knew exactly how Roxas was feeling all the time, and sometimes he had a hard time separating his Nobody's emotions from his own.

There were times he thought that his Roxas' feelings were actually _stronger_ than his own were.

"That doesn't matter," Riku said, finally breaking the self-inflicted silence that he'd placed on himself. He sat apart from the rest of the group, in a recliner in the corner. The entire time that Hayner had originally gone on (about anything he could think of apparently) he'd remained silent, looking at Sora from time to time with a worried expression on his face that he couldn't seem to wipe away. Now he spoke up, sitting more straightly in the chair as he glared a bit at the blonde.

"Roxas isn't just a part of Sora anymore," Riku explained for what seemed like the hundredth time. "He's literally _someone else_."

"Yeah I guess so…"Hayner said, trailing off slightly and looking out the window. Sora fell silent as well, glancing at the floor and running his toes through the carpeting in an effort to sort through his jumbled thoughts. Everything seemed to be going very quickly, and no matter how many times he told himself that everything was going to be all right, he couldn't seem to stop worrying.

And the worry wasn't just for himself, but for Roxas as well.

It had only been two weeks since he'd received the letter from Merlin, telling him that he and Yen Sid had finally discovered a way to transfer Roxas' consciousness from Sora's mind to a body of Roxas' very own. Even now the two sorcerers were busily conjuring up a body for the Nobody that was the exact replica of the one he'd had when he was a separate entity from the Keyblade Master. Sora had almost immediately accepted the offer, knowing that Roxas would feel the same. It was only now that he'd had two weeks to sit around and think about it that he was having second thoughts.

What if it hurt? What if he died? What if they took Roxas out of him, and somehow Sora was never the same? What if they took Roxas away and weren't able to get him into his new body in time before he faded away? What if Roxas' new body died?

Because now that he knew Roxas, he didn't want to be without him. Not at all.

"So," Hayner murmured softly, breaking the silence. "Where are they going to do this anyway? Cause I don't my mom would be cool with doing it here and…"

"They've set up the mansion for us," Riku interrupted, obviously annoyed. Sora met Riku's eyes with a small grin, shaking his head in amusement at the older boys frustration. It wasn't really that Riku didn't like anyone it was just that…Riku had a hard time getting along with everyone.

"They wrote me earlier," Sora began, his voice sounding far away and hollow even to his own ears. "Told me that his body was basically ready and for me to come to Twilight Town. Not much more to it than that."

Hayner nodded, standing up and licking the stick of his ice cream clean. Motioning to the stick as if to ask 'does anyone want another' he walked out of the room when no one did, leaving Riku and Sora alone. Sora was still staring at the carpet, oblivious to the concerned gaze his best friend turned lover was giving him. He was lost in his own world, jumbled thoughts clashing together no matter how hard he was trying to keep them separate. And through it all he could feel Roxas trying with everything he had to calm Sora's fears…and his own.

"I think I need some air," Sora said suddenly, jumping up and making his way to the door. He'd suddenly been hit with the overwhelming feeling of imminent panic, as though if he didn't start moving he was probably going to drown. Tugging at the strands of his hair a few times, he pulled the front door open and walked out onto the porch.

The porch railing felt very real under his fingertips as he held onto it, closing his eyes and trying to breath past the raging panic that seemed to be surging through him. Over and over he kneaded his fingers into the wood, until suddenly he jumped backwards, a splinter having imbedded itself in the skin of his index finger. Holding it up to his face for inspection, he felt his eyebrows come together with annoyance.

Couldn't anything just go right today?

"Mmm…damn it," he murmured, shoving his finger into his mouth and almost violently sucking on it. Now that he'd gotten a good look at it, the splinter actually kind of hurt, and he was determined to get the wood out of his skin. So intent was he upon getting the splinter out that he failed to notice that the front door had opened again and a silver-haired man had walked through.

"Sora," Riku said, shaking his head gently. "Why are you gnawing on your finger?"

Sora instantly looked up, the finger falling from his mouth as his bottom lip came out. No matter how old he got, he never seemed to lose some of the naïve qualities that he'd always had. Perhaps it was endearing, but it also meant that people tended to take him less seriously than he might have liked. Which was annoying considering that he'd been part of saving the entire known universe from certain destruction.

But he guessed once you were pigeonholed there was really no way to get out of it.

"I'm not gnawing," he said petulantly, holding his finger out for Riku to look at. "I got a splinter from the porch and was trying to get it out."

"Well you looked like you were attempting to gnaw your own arm off," Riku teased, coming up and grabbing Sora's wrist. "Here, let me do it."

With that Riku went to work, moving his mouth down to Sora's finger and letting his teeth come out to grab at the splint of wood. On any other occasion, this might have turned Sora on, but as he looked at Riku's face of concentration, he knew that there was nothing sexual behind his actions. He could see Riku's jaw working slightly, eyes partially closed and staring straight ahead, until suddenly Riku's head came back up.

With a small piece of wood between his front teeth.

"There," he said, spitting it out onto the porch. "Now put some pressure on it so you stop bleeding…"

Sora took back his finger, watching with a slight interest as the blood began to pour down his skin. Not knowing what else to do with it, he shoved it back into his mouth, sucking on it like a child's thumb. With that he looked back out at the city, a soft sigh working its way out of his mouth. Wanting to sit down, he climbed onto the porch railing and sat down, pulling his finger from his mouth and putting his chin in his hands.

Riku came up and stood against the railing as well, looking up at him through his bangs with a concerned expression. Sora glanced down when Riku scooted in closer, wrapping his arms around the Keyblade Master's waist and burying his face against his side. Sora's arm instinctively reached out, wrapping around Riku's silver head and moving his fingers through that long hair.

"I don't know if I want you to do this," Riku said, his voice slightly muffled as he pressed his face further into Sora's side. "What if something happens?"

"Riku…" Sora murmured…

"_Sora! What's wrong?!" Riku had asked, flipping over in bed and holding Sora down onto the mattress._

_All the while Sora thrashed, his hands clenched against his head while he felt as though something were going to explode out of his brain at any moment. The pain had started only a few months back, but it had been manageable. Now, this pain was too extreme, making Sora's eyes water and loud cries work their way up his throat to become guttural screams at the end. Roxas…Roxas was coming to the surface and there was nothing he could do to stop him._

_And it wasn't even Roxas' fault. There was no one to blame…other than fate._

"Riku…" Sora said again, sighing softly. "If I don't do this, Roxas and I could _both_ fade…if not physically than mentally. We can't both live in this body anymore…"

Riku noticeably shuddered when Sora mentioned himself dying, making Sora lean down and put his forehead against the top of his lover's head. Though Riku was a professional and holding in his emotions, when he got to a point that he could no longer hold them in…he started to fall apart a little. And this situation had put him under more strain than almost any other…more so than all the battles they'd fought together. And it was all coming to a head.

"I know," Riku said, his voice wavering slightly, though he was trying to keep it normal, an effort that made Sora grin. Though he'd never admit it out loud (though Roxas knew) he actually enjoyed it a little when Riku lost a little of that perfect control. It made Sora feel a little better about nearly _always_ having little to no control over his emotions. And it made Riku seem less like the Ice Queen…and more like the person that Sora knew him to be.

Not that Sora would ever actually call Riku the Ice Queen.

"Sometimes I wish that Roxas would have just stayed quiet in there," Riku said after a few moments of silence. Sora glanced out at the street again, feeling Roxas stirring a bit inside of himself. Though Riku might have felt that way, Sora couldn't really say the same. He actually liked Roxas, and whether that was because the Nobody had once been part of himself or because they genuinely got along he didn't really know. All he knew was that the presence of the blonde was comforting and powerful, as there were things that Roxas was confident in that Sora lacked.

That and sometimes it felt good to let Roxas' temper flare up, because it was infinitely more extreme than his own.

Sora sighed again, bringing Riku's face up from his side and making their eyes meet. He didn't want this to become a problem between them, as there was no choice in the matter. More than that, there would be no way for Riku to change Sora's mind on the situation. Though the Keyblade Master may have been gentle and kind, he was nevertheless stubborn.

"Understand, damn it," Sora said, shaking Riku's head as though by doing so he could force the point in, which earned him wide eyes from his lover. "No matter what the consequences are, the price of doing nothing is worse. We…will…die. Do you understand me? Dead. I will be dead."

Sora's eyebrow twitched upward, his face deadly serious as he watched Riku's eyes water up slightly. He was getting through, so he continued. "This is my only chance. I don't have any choice."

He let go of Riku's head, his eyes narrowing with a slight bit of annoyance. Sometimes Riku's streak of bull-headedness got very old, but that was simply how his best friend was…and had always been. "And don't blame this on Roxas," Sora said, pointing at Riku's nose. "If you were trapped inside someone else's head, you would struggle to get out too. In fact, I remember you doing exactly the same once upon a time."

"That's _not_ the same!" Riku said loudly, pulling away from Sora's hands and taking two steps backwards. "That's not the same at all! Xehanort's heartless was never a part of me…it just tried to take me. But Roxas was a part of you…and now he doesn't want to be!"

With that he crossed his arms over his chest and turned around, his shoulders shaking slightly with emotional instability. Sora stared at those shoulders gently shaking and quickly climbed down from his perch on the porch railing to wrap his arms up and around Riku's waist, burying his nose between the strong shoulder blades. He could almost instantly feel Riku's body relaxing, and so he hugged his arms harder as though he could squeeze the pain out of him. Finally he felt a colossal shudder run through the body in his arms and a loud sigh.

"I don't want you to go away," Riku whispered, Sora's heart breaking just a little at the sound of his friend's voice. "I don't want to be all by myself again…"

"You won't be," Sora interrupted, fingers digging into the fabric of Riku's shirt and tugging him around. "I won't let you be alone…don't worry. I saved the whole universe right? This is a cake walk."

"You sure?" Riku replied softly, rubbing their noses together lightly.

"Of course…have I ever steered you wrong before?"

Riku's eyebrow raised playfully, a small grin spreading across his face as his arms drew Sora closer. "Well, you know there was that one time when we were kids that you…!"

Sora shut him up with a soft press of lips and a bright laugh, pulling away after a moment and shaking his head happily. Everything was going to be all right, he could feel it from the tip of his nose down to the bottom of his feet. All they had to do was get over the hard stuff and then everything would be fine. The only problem that Sora was having at the moment (other than Riku still going on about the time that Sora had accidentally made them both fall out of a rather large tree) was that Roxas had gone suspiciously silent. Usually whenever Sora was making some kind of large decision like this, he could feel Roxas' agreement (or usually disagreement). But now…he was quiet.

That alone made Sora nervous…

"Hey Sora!" he heard from the front door, turning his head slowly to the sight of Hayner coming towards them with a phone in his hand. He waved it around a bit and motioned in the direction of the old mansion, a smile on his face. "Some old guy called and said its time. I think he was trying too hard to sound mysterious but whatever. I guess you should bust outta here."

Sora's face fell a little bit, glancing up at Riku with a small smile. Biting at his bottom lip softly, he leaned in next to his lover's ear and whispered a few soothing words before patting him on the cheek and walking off alone. He didn't want to have to deal with anyone while he did this, since it was his courage alone that was going to see him through to the end. All he wanted to do now was get there and get it over with.

But not before having a talk with someone else…

The first time that Roxas had pulled Sora inside of his own head for a confrontation Sora hadn't really known what was going on. In fact, it had taken him months just to really understand what the hell Roxas had done to them. But now that they'd been merged for quite some time, it had become commonplace for Sora and Roxas to speak on the stained glass platform of their joined minds. And so that was where Sora went now as he walked, his vision shifting from what was outside to the far more confusing plane of what was inside.

When his vision cleared he was once again standing on the platform, gazing out into almost complete darkness all around him. Roxas was there too, but didn't look at him. He was sitting with his legs dangling off the edge, looking down into the depths of Sora's mind as though he were reading a book. At first Sora didn't think that Roxas knew he was there, but when the blonde turned identical blue eyes to him he knew that he hadn't come in unexpected.

"We're not going to do this if you're going to damn well die," Roxas said without preliminaries. That's just how Roxas was, straight to the point, no dilly-dallying. "I won't risk dying along with you and…I don't particularly want to see you dead either."

Roxas came up slowly, circling Sora while looking him over in a scrutinizing way. "We aren't going to die Roxas," Sora said, his voice sure and confident. He stared straight ahead while being circled, not certain what his Nobody was expecting of him. "We're going to give you a new lease on life."

"And what of it? Will it really be _my_ life? Or will I still be your shadow?" Roxas said, stopping and staring at Sora's resolute eyes. The two of them had already been through this at least four times, Roxas wondering what all of it meant and Sora insisting that Roxas was no longer just his Nobody. Apparently they needed to discuss it again though as Roxas had that look on his face that told Sora that he was still unconvinced.

Roxas stared quietly, trying without success to truly understand the situation. He didn't understand where this ingrained optimism came from in his Other, something that seemed to conquer every fear and obstacle. Since the moment they'd rejoined, Roxas had had to learn what it meant to feel things, to have strong emotions unlike the muted ones he'd had before. He'd pretty much mastered them all other than this…hope…positive thoughts. It all pretty much baffled him still.

"You aren't my shadow _now_," Sora said simply, as though that should have explained everything. Roxas sighed, bringing his hand up to his forehead and rubbing at his temples with his index finger and thumb. "You know you're more than that don't you? Otherwise you would have just faded away into me. But you didn't…"

"I know I didn't!" Roxas snapped back. "But now that I'm having to go through all this bullshit I sort of wish I had!"

Roxas took a step backwards when he saw Sora's slight shock and sadness, shaking his head as if to clear it. He hadn't meant that at all, but he was having such a tough time controlling himself lately that everything was spewing out of him without his say-so. He cast apologetic eyes at his Other, shrugging lightly and turning back around to gaze at the stained glass beneath his feet. He was beginning to hate that damn glass, as it was all that he'd seen for the better part of a year and a half. It was time to see the world through his own eyes again…though sometimes he wondered if he'd ever really seen anything at all.

"Sorry," he muttered, toeing the ground slightly. "I'm just…frustrated."

"Me too Roxas," Sora answered, walking up behind Roxas and placing a hand on the other teen's shoulder. Over time, Roxas had ceased to be his Nobody and become something of a little brother, making Sora feel…protective? He felt a desperate need to watch over Roxas, to make certain that no harm came to him. "Everything is going to work out. It just will."

Turning an almost blank gaze (that Sora had finally figured out was the face he used when he was trying to cover up how he felt) to Sora, Roxas let a small smile crack his otherwise expressionless face. "I don't know how you know that," Roxas murmured "but we don't have any other choice here do we?"

"Not really…besides…don't you want to finally get away from me?" Sora answered, clapping Roxas on the back playfully.

"I am a little sick of sitting around in your brain watching you and Riku make out."

"Roxas!"

Roxas' amused laughter was still fading away in his brain as he came back to himself, just in time to feel himself slammed back onto the ground. The first thing he saw as his brain focused on the current situation was the sky, his arms spread on either side of himself as he stared up at the passing clouds. What the hell was going on? This had happened before though, when he became so preoccupied with the conversation going on inside his head that he forgot to look at what was going on.

At least he hadn't fallen into a sewer grate like last time…

"Kid, we just keep running into each other," a voice came from above him, a red head suddenly coming into view and a pair of startling green eyes looking down at him.

Axel…

Axel's first day at the gallery had gone surprisingly well, as he and Lulu (after having some strange kind of struggle for dominance that neither seemed to win) had gotten along pretty well, and found out that some of their personality traits were pretty similar. She'd shown him around, given him some new equipment, and begun to ask him what kind of thing he was more skilled at painting. After giving her a blank stare, he'd told her he had absolutely no idea whatsoever.

So for the next three hours she'd had him paint everything from still life and the ceiling to the dog taking a piss on the tree outside and a portrait of Lulu herself. He'd been particularly proud of the portrait, and between the eight (or so) things he'd painted that day they decided that the portrait had been his strongest picture. So with that thought in mind she'd assigned him to take on the next portrait commission that the gallery agreed to. Of course, in the meantime he was going to be painting still life…but hopefully that would soon change.

He was on his way home again when he started thinking…mostly about that kid. Axel had found that sleep eluded him most of the night, and his mind was instead consumed with thoughts of those blue eyes. It was almost like they were haunting him, though that was absolutely stupid. Every time he'd attempted sleep the vision of those same blue eyes looking over a cloaked and shadowed shoulder would startle him into wakefulness and he had to start calming himself down all over again.

All in all…he'd done a lot of tossing and turning.

Suddenly a sharp thud to his chest startled him from his thoughts and he looked down in time to see that same kid, now lying prone on the ground. Laughing softly, he walked over to him and leaned down, extending a hand to help him get up.

"Kid, we just keep running into each other," he said cocking his head from side to side. They teen looked surprised, even shocked to see him, and once again Axel wondered why he looked that way when they'd never met before. Not waiting for him to take the offered hand, Axel reached down and grabbed his skinny arm, pulling him roughly to his feet. Raising an eyebrow when he didn't receive any response but a gaping mouth, he began brushing off the kid's back.

Sora found it nearly impossible to speak as once again he found himself staring at someone who had to be…but couldn't be…Axel. True, he didn't look exactly like he had…the red hair was calmer and longer and the tattoos on his face were gone. But the voice and face were exactly the same along with the demeanor and attitude. Sora shook his head in amazement as the redhead brushed off his clothes, not knowing what to say but knowing he had to say something.

"Um…" he stammered out. "Yeah. Sorry about that. I'm Sora."

He waited, Roxas virtually falling over in shock, for the response from the other man, his heart beating in his chest so loudly that he was afraid when the man said his name that he'd miss it all together. Sora was about to ask for his name when he took a step backwards and grinned, pointing up himself with his thumb and grinning brilliantly.

"Name's Axel…commit it to memory?" he said, winking quickly.

Sora could have fallen over in that moment, his head so full of noises that he could barely think. Between his own raging excitement and Roxas agonized and disbelieving screams he was effectively left doing nothing but gaping again. Finally he pulled himself together enough to bring his hand up to the back of his neck and speak.

"You're new around here I guess," Sora said, laughing nervously. "I haven't ever seen you around before…"

"You could say that," Axel said, looking down the street a little further. "You could say I just…dropped in unexpectedly."

"Ah, well…"

"See you around then Sora," Axel said, walking off. But before he turned the corner towards his house he chanced one more look backwards, only to find the kid still standing in place, staring off into space as though he'd been hit with a stun spell. Weird kid. But Axel liked him anyway…

"_He's alive! How did he survive!? What's going on_? _Why didn't he know who you were_?" Roxas questioned rapidly in Sora's head, eventually flustering Sora so much that he started throwing his hands in the air as though swatting away bees or something. "_Sora, what's going on_?"

"I don't know Roxas! I don't know! When we get to the mansion we'll ask, okay!"

"_Well then…hurry up_!"

With that Sora was off, running through the tram plaza to the woods where he slowed down to catch his breath. Apparently the stamina he'd gained while being a heroic type had kind of worn off…because seriously he was winded. Shaking his head with a short laugh, he took off a sprint for the front gates of the mansion, stopping when he reached the large lock. What the hell? Why was it locked again?

"Okay seriously!" he called, putting his hands on his hips. "You guys could keep it unlocked now! Who's going to break in?"

Putting his hand out, he smiled when the keyblade came floating in front of his face to be gripped in his hand solidly. At least he hadn't forgotten how to do that. Aiming the blade at the lock, he nodded in a satisfied way when it gave way and allowed the large iron gates to swing open.

"Are you ready for this Roxie?" Sora said with a small giggle.

"_Fucking don't call me Roxie…let's go_…"


	3. Chapter 3

The mansion was just as empty and lifeless as he remembered it to be from when he awakened, though there were a few differences. The computers had all been removed (Roxas had inwardly grinned) and taken away and the furniture had been cleaned and set up more properly. But other than that, there was no indication that anyone lived there at all. It was only the steady clicking and occasional pops of magic that let Sora know that someone was in fact there.

"Hello?" he called, casting his glance around the front entryway. It had been cleaned up pretty well actually, though it still brought back slightly painful memories, though he wasn't sure those memories were his own. Once he realized he wasn't going to receive any kind of verbal response he began to move up the stairs towards the white room that both he and Roxas remembered. He stood in the doorway of the room for a brief moment, biting at his bottom lip as he felt Roxas' emotions creep up and threaten to overwhelm him.

This had been the place that Roxas' world had fallen apart…

"_Can we just get this over with…please_?" Sora heard from within, startled at the fact that his Nobody had just said 'please'. Normally Roxas tended to forgo things like manners and things. The fact that he was using them was enough to make Sora give in to his request, though the depressed, saddened tone of Roxas' voice would have been enough.

"Sure," Sora answered, turning around and moving towards the library. When he entered the door he was surprised to find exactly what he'd been looking for. There, in their faded and worn robes, was Yen Sid and Merlin, busily looking over a large book and animatedly (in Merlin's case) pointing things out that they found of interest. At first they didn't notice the Keyblade Master, and it wasn't until Sora accidentally knocked over a stand with a vase on that they finally looked up from what they were doing.

"Welcome back Sora…Roxas…," Yen Sid said in that weird…creepy tone of his. Though Sora would forever be in the aged sorcerer's debt, he was nevertheless plagued with a feeling of eerie watchfulness whenever the man looked at him. There was depth in that gaze that Sora didn't understand, and probably never would.

"Ahhh the Keyblade Masters!" Merlin said, bringing his hands together and rolling his fingers in time. "You're just in time. We've finished the preparations and are ready to go!"

"_You'd think I was some kind of Christmas present they're dying to open_," Roxas said sarcastically, making Sora smirk slightly. It was a little sick how anxious and excited the both of them looked. It made him feel sort of like a strange kind of lab rat or something…and he'd never been very good at mazes or anything like that.

With that they motioned him forward and down the stairs that lead to the basement below, both of them murmuring to the other. Sora paused on the stairs down, putting his hand against the wall and licking at his bottom lip. Before anything else went on, he needed answers about what he'd just seen. That, and Roxas was beginning to get restless for the answer to their questions. He'd asked at least eight times since they'd walked in when Sora was going to ask about Axel.

If the wizards even knew…

"I saw Axel," Sora blurted out, extending his arms in a confused way. "He didn't look exactly like he'd once been…but it was Axel. What's going on? I thought they all faded…"

Both the wizards paused, glancing at each other as if to ask how much information they wanted to divulge. Eventually Merlin sighed softly and turned around, tugging at his long beard for a moment and taking a deep breath. "We had thought they faded back into darkness as well…but…"

"Come with us," he said finally, turning and continuing to walk.

"We were unaware that the bodies some of them had left behind…were still alive," Yen Sid said, glancing over his shoulder as Sora hurried to catch up. The walls of the basement were exactly the same, covered with metal and machinery, though the bulk of the computers were basically gone.

"And that their wills were strong enough to find them," Merlin continued. "You see, most nobodies _do_ fade back into darkness…but apparently there are exceptions to every rule."

"Like Axel," Yen Sid nodded, opening the door to a large room with a small table that looked something like a doctors table sitting in the middle. "And like you Roxas. Beings who transcended the definition of Nobody to become…Somebodies of their very own…"

"So Axel," Sora said softly, biting at his bottom lip. "He's alive. That's how he used to look when he was alive. But he didn't even remember me!"

"Well why would he," Merlin said with a laugh, motioning for Sora to sit down on the metal table. The boy did so quietly, hissing at the feeling of the cold metal against the back of his thighs. Eventually he was going to have to break down and just start wearing pants, but he'd worn shorts for so long that the only time he ever wore pants was out in the snow or going to bed. But then again, what was life without a little change?

"He's not the Nobody that you knew, though the memories are still inside of him. If you see him again, you must not reveal what you know…do you both understand? If you try to tell him it will only hurt him. Let them come naturally." Yen Sid finished, pointing at Sora and nodding once as though that were more than enough to scare the young man into obeying.

Which it probably was…though Roxas was another matter entirely.

"I won't tell," Sora said, putting his hand to his heart. "But you'd better make Roxas promise too when he comes out."

Speaking of Roxas…

"Where is Roxas' new body anyway?" Sora asked, letting on the of the three good fairies push him down onto the table and drape a blanket over his legs up to his waist. "I didn't see it when I came in."

Merlin sniffed slightly as though offended, waving away the question with an airy hand. "And you won't until Roxas' mind has inhabited it. Until then you'll just have to wait for the surprise…"

"Though you won't have to be awake for it," Merlin said happily, putting his hand on the top of Sora's forehead and pressing down just slightly. "We're going to put you to sleep Sora. And not to worry, it will be just like when you fell asleep before here in the mansion before…you won't feel a thing…"

From the moment that Merlin's hand had touched Sora's skin he'd begun to become sleepy, blinking gently as he felt a wave of exhaustion hit him. Though he couldn't remember being put to sleep by Namine, he could only assume that this was what it had felt like. His eyebrows came together sleepily as he thought about that time in his life, wishing that he could remember more. He'd been told that he and Namine had become friends…but he couldn't remember it. At all.

And that sincerely bothered him.

He was still thinking about Namine when he realized that his body was getting very heavy, and that he was having trouble keeping himself conscious. The more he thought about it the harder it became until he finally closed his eyes, Merlin's face leaning over him in a worried way the last sight he saw before everything began to shift around him again. It reminded him of going inside his own brain when he and Roxas talked about things…in fact…it was almost exactly like that.

Especially when he saw Roxas in front of him.

When his vision began to clear he looked around, surprised to notice that they were not on the stained glass of his inner mind like they normally were. Instead Roxas stood surrounded by flowers in an empty field, faced away from Sora while his blonde hair blew softly in the wind. Sora began walking through the field himself, watching as the flowers moved out of the way of his feet each time he would press his foot to the ground. It was almost like they had minds of their very own, though that had to be impossible. Then again…this was his mind afterall…and Sora supposed that anything was possible on the plane of the mind. Each step he took towards Roxas seemed to resonate within the world around them, small pulses of energy pulsing around them with each movement of their bodies.

"I can hear them calling," Roxas said softly, turning to look at Sora over his shoulder. "I can hear it…"

Sora shuddered at the sight of his Nobody's eyes, almost as though the other teen were lost in a trance. Sora could hear nothing like Roxas did, but there was a soft humming that he wasn't sure was supposed to be there or not. Slowly, as though afraid, he reached out to touch Roxas on the shoulder to rouse him like he would someone from a deep sleep. When he received not even so much as a blink he shook Roxas harder, finally startling the young man into blinking again and gape open-mouthed for a moment.

"Roxas," Sora said, moving in front of the blonde and staring at him. "Are you okay? You were acting weird."

"Wouldn't you?" Roxas replied, raising a pale eyebrow and grinning smartly. Sora breathed a sigh of relief at his Nobody's change in attitude, knowing that if Roxas was normal enough to be a smartass than everything was fine.

Roxas had been standing on the stained glass when everything started to change around him like spring was sprouting after a long winter. It had started with a small blade of grass, which had caught his attention, and soon it had turned into a veritable blizzard of leaves and flowers, pushing up through the glass and covering its surface so completely that you would have never known it was there. Eventually Roxas had found himself standing in the middle of a large empty field, the sounds of buzzing all around him, though it was not unpleasant. It was more like a white noise, something soothing that you could sleep to…but it still unnerved him.

As the sound became louder he had found it harder and harder to ignore it, until finally he had been completely transfixed. And that was when he had heard his name, the soft whispering of his name that he could just barely make out through the white noise all around him. Who was calling for him? He didn't know how they intended to take him out of Sora, so everything that was happening was completely foreign…not to mention that no one ever told him anything.

That would have to change.

"Roxas…are you okay?"

Roxas moved his hands all over his body as though examining himself for wounds or something, eventually putting his hands out to the side and grinning. Everything seemed all right, though he knew something was weird. But then again, he could only assume that they'd started the spell that would lead him out of Sora's mind and into his new body. Inwardly grimacing, he hoped with everything he had that the body they had made actually _looked_ like him. Because he didn't really want to have to go through life looking like some random person in a coma or some kind of Frankenstein monster. Axel certainly wouldn't recognize him in that kind of condition.

"Axel," he murmured, biting on his bottom lip.

In the flurry of everything that had gone on, Roxas had nearly forgotten about his friend, though not completely. He was alive! Honestly, the blonde had thought that he would have some kind of heart attack the moment that their eyes met…those same jade eyes that he'd seen in his dreams a hundred times since rejoining with Sora. He'd thought the man gone forever, but now it seemed that they were both being given a second chance at happiness…maybe together. Though Roxas' hope faded around the edges just a bit when he remembered that Axel didn't even remember his name, much less anything they might have been together.

Not that there ever had been a "together"…not like that.

"Let's worry about getting you into your body first," Sora said, smiling softly at Roxas and wrapping his arm around Roxas' shoulder. "Then we'll figure out what to do about Axel…"

Roxas turned gentle eyes to his Other, allowing his arm to reach around the brown-haired teen's waist and give him a small hug before pulling away. No words needed to be expressed, as there was nothing to say. Just simple comfort exchanged by two people who were closer than any brothers would ever be. Roxas knew that Sora would always be there…whether he liked it or not. It never seemed to matter how bad a mood he got in or how long he sulked, Sora was always there when he decided to come back around and be sociable.

Taking a few steps forward into the flowers, Roxas looked around curiously. He didn't have the foggiest clue where he was supposed to go, but he had a feeling that if he just kept on walking that eventually the door would sort of just…open up. With that thought in mind, he motioned his head for Sora to follow him and started walking, not looking to the left or right, but keeping his focus directly in front of himself. There was the pull, the draw that told him that he was going in the right direction.

"Where are we going?" Sora asked from behind, jogging slightly to catch up to Roxas who continued to look straight ahead.

"I don't know, I figured we'd get a sign…though we are in your brain so that's asking a lot…"

"Roxas!"

Roxas laughed quietly, noticing that the edges of his vision were beginning to blur a bit, and that the field of flowers was slowly melting away a bit. Sora seemed to notice as well, glancing around worriedly and biting on his bottom lip. When the field had finished melting they were somewhere else entirely, staring down a long hallway with what had to be a hundred doors on both sides and a bright light at the very end. The light itself made Roxas pause, knowing that wasn't where he wanted to go and forcing him to back up. What was that?

"Do you think we should just…keep walking?" Sora asked nervously, glancing at the doors and running his fingers along one particular doorknob that seemed to be made of brightly colored glass. As he ran his fingertips along it, the light shifted and glittered in its depths, sending shards of color all over the metaphysical floor below. "I wonder what's behind all these doors."

Roxas turned, eyes widening and paranoia jumping, as Sora's fingers wrapped around that handle, pulling it open only a crack. Apparently that was more than enough to set off a chain reaction, because before Roxas could do anything he was being violently pulled upon, the wind from the door sucking at his clothes and drawing him towards the doorway. Sora was already inside, having been too close to really keep himself from being sucked within. The sound of the door slamming against the wall in the wind was deafening as Roxas put his arms on either side of the doorjamb to hold himself in place long enough to get a good look inside.

It was darkness…endless darkness…

The next thing he could remember was endlessly falling, as though through some huge hole with no bottom. Everything was black and dark around him, except for a small dot of light that was far below. Roxas couldn't tell what it was because it never got any bigger no matter how far he fell. It seemed like a long time before things changed, the walls of the "hole" shifting and morphing around him until his feet hit ground that gave gently beneath his shoes. Where was he?

"Sora?" Roxas called, looking around. They were on some kind of island, the ocean never-ending in front of him as he stared out at it. Closing his eyes, he realized this was the play island back on Destiny Islands, only much darker and much more…dead. The trees were dripping with foul black ooze, so heavy that many of the branches had snapped off and fell to the earth in a heap. The sand was off color and harsh underfoot, devoid of all color and drenched in what appeared to be a sap-like substance. Each time that Roxas would lift his foot to move the sand would try to hold him down, long trails of the sap drawing out between his shoe and the ground. The sky itself was a putrid purple, like the color of a deep bruise that would take a long time to heal, with sprinkling of light gray clouds that stretched out across the landscape as far as the eye could see.

Even the wind itself smelled…old. It smelled like you'd imagine an ancient tomb to smell after being opened for the first time in a hundred years. Stale. Roxas licked his bottom lip and looked around, still not seeing Sora anywhere and wondering where the other teenager had wandered off to. Then again, this was someone's mind, so Sora technically could have been sucked anywhere and Roxas would never know about it.

The thought of being completely alone and lost in Sora's mind made Roxas' eyes widen and his pulse speed up, looking around in a panicked way as he tried to walk towards the water's edge. Each time he would move the sand seemed to get stronger, until he was struggling for each footfall and nearly out of breath. What had he gotten himself into? When he'd been alone in Sora' mind before it had never been like this…but then again, Roxas had always shied away from the invisible doors that he'd found. He hadn't known what was behind them, and he'd be damned if he got stuck somewhere he couldn't get out.

Kind of like now…

"Sora!" Roxas called out again, finally reaching the edge of the sand where the dark water was rising up to his toes and then falling away. It was then that he noticed a small sound, barely rising up over the crashing sounds of the waves against the beach. Closing his eyes, he tried to figure out where it was coming from, walking (with effort) until the sound became louder and he could figure out what it actually was. Someone was crying…deep racking sobs that came up from the gut and worked their way out painfully.

"Ohhh Roxas," he heard in front of him, opening his eyes to one of the saddest things he'd ever seen.

Sora sat in the sand, black water dripping down his face and onto his soaked clothes. His body was covered with the same black ooze that was on the trees, sticking to patches on his cheeks, arms, legs and anywhere else it could find purchase. It looked as though he'd tried to wash some of it off without success, as some of it was running down his neck and pooling below him. His eyes were full of tears, his chest heaving up and down as though he'd been running for an hour with no rest. All in all he was a mess as he finally raised his eyes to Roxas' with a small sniffle.

"Everything's dead!" Sora exclaimed suddenly, a large hiccup rising up through his mouth. "We saved everything and everything…everything is still dead!"

"Sora…" Roxas murmured, kneeling down next to him and reaching out slowly. Sora recoiled as if about to be burned, turning his head away so that Roxas' couldn't see his face at all. "This isn't real…this is just some illusion in your head…its not real…"

"Shut up!" Sora said, lashing out and standing up, fists clenched at his sides sending black ooze flying everywhere. "What would you know? These aren't your thoughts anymore! What if all this is real? What if…"

Suddenly the fire seemed to be taken out of Sora's argument and his bottom lip trembled, coming forward with a speed that surprised Roxas. What surprised Roxas even more was the fact that without warning he had found his arms full of his Other, the Keyblade Master's fingers digging into his shoulder blades while he clung to Roxas pitifully. The black ooze that had been stuck to Sora now migrated to Roxas, smearing all over his arms and shirt while he pretended not to notice. And all the while Roxas stood still, not quite knowing how to respond to such an outburst. Eventually he reached out, arms slowly wrapping around Sora's back until he was reasonably sure that he was doing what Sora wanted.

He'd never held or been held before…so he wasn't exactly sure this was what he should have been doing.

"Hey," Roxas murmured quietly as if afraid to break the silence. "Everything's okay…right? Come on…let's at least get this black shit off you."

"Kay…"

With that the blonde began leading them to the water, still struggling to get his feet off the sand and a bit hindered by the fact that Sora was barely doing more than shuffling alongside him. Finally they made it to the water, splashing up into it and Roxas turning to Sora with as soft of a smile as he could manage without looking too sappy. Sora never really talked about his fears very much, so Roxas could only surmise that this was one of Sora's biggest fears come to startling life.

He was scared that everything he'd done would eventually be a waste…

"This isn't going to happen," Roxas said shaking his head, bringing some of the water up out of the ocean and scrubbing at Sora's cheeks. "What you're seeing. It's not going to happen. We'd never let that happen." He finished getting the crud off Sora's face and moved to get it off his arms, being surprisingly gentle.

"You sure?" Sora whimpered out softly, eyes focused on the water below them.

"Yeah."

And as that word was spoken the dark world around them began to melt once again, the water in Roxas' hand evaporating into a cloud of smoke. The blonde grit his teeth just a little, wishing that the endless maze that was Sora's head would finally just let them out…or fall apart. Whichever came first. Unfortunately that didn't seem to be happening as yet another scene came to life up around them, only this time it didn't seem quite so scary. In fact…it was pretty normal…if watching two men make out could ever truly be considered normalcy.

Which, to Roxas, it pretty much was.

The Radiant Garden couldn't have been an odder place for the two of them to have confessed their "deep passionate feelings" for one another…but that's where Riku and Sora had somehow chosen to do it. They'd been going there to visit friends and generally take a break from the stresses of life when they'd happened upon a few spare moments to be alone. Little had they known that those few stolen moments would turn into an all out suck-face-fest.

At least that's the way Roxas remembered it.

"God, do I have to play spectator for this again?" Roxas muttered, turning around and trying not to look. Sora on the other hand was gazing at the scene with a small smile, reaching out to touch at Riku's head as it leaned in and kissed at his own. It was odd seeing two Soras in the same place, Roxas thought. Though that didn't make the sting go away and it didn't make him feel like any less of a third wheel. Only this time he was a _fourth_ wheel…he was somehow falling down the ladder further and he hadn't even known the ladder was there.

"What's wrong Roxas?" Sora said, tearing his eyes away from the two lovebirds in his memories to look at Roxas.

Roxas, for his part, could never tell Sora what was really wrong. Inwardly however he could be more honest, admitting to himself that it was a deep sense of jealously that made him turn his back and get angry at the situation. It didn't seem fair that while Sora could have his happy ending, Roxas had been doomed to spend an eternity locked inside of his Other's brain. True, that wasn't the case now, but Roxas could still feel the knife of jealously stabbing at him right through what he now knew to be his heart.

"Nothing," Roxas said flatly, still not turning around. "I'm leaving."

With that he walked away, staring down at the ground while his shoulders shook in anger and frustration. He wanted what Sora had…he wanted to be able to know that someone actually cared about him and wanted him around all the time. Now that he was getting his own body that option seemed more likely, but without the one he really wanted none of it seemed to matter. Not that he was ready to admit to himself _who _he actually wanted. That was way too much to think about all at one time.

Roxas sighed softly, stopping where he was and looking up…only to find that everything had changed again. In the few moments that he'd been lost in his thoughts everything had warped again, leaving them back in the long hallway that they'd started in. Only this time the light at the end was very, very close. So close in fact that Roxas could feel the soft warmth that radiated from it beating against his skin. Taking a few steps towards it, he paused.

"_Roxas_…," he heard, whispering but getting louder. "_Roxas_!" he heard again, making him jump backwards, looking back to see Sora standing behind him with a pleased look on his face.

"_Hurry Roxas_," the voice said, only this time Roxas recognized it as Yen Sid's, calling him from…apparently from the other side of the light. "_There isn't much time_! _Hurry_!"

Taking a deep breath, Roxas stared straight into the shine and took a few steps, not stopping until his fingertips brushed the edge of the light. Not knowing what to do, he shook his head, his courage failing him as he looked back at Sora. Everyone's hard work was going to fall apart and it was Roxas' fault…but he didn't think he could do this. What if he really didn't exist? What if by going into the light he just…disappeared? What if all this was just a bunch of bullshit and he was going to die anyway?

"I can't do it!" Roxas said, turning around taking one step away from the light. "What if I really am just your shadow? What if I'm just some leech? I don't want to fade into nothing!"

Sora came forward, putting his hand on Roxas' shoulder and giving it a comforting squeeze.

"You think too much," Sora said with a grin, moving his hand to cover Roxas' eyes and slowly make the blonde take a step backwards. "You know you aren't my shadow…I know you're not my shadow."

Sora grinned widely, his voice coming out in a laugh when he finally finished speaking.

"Now get the hell out of my head!"

And with that, Roxas found himself falling backwards through the light, opening his eyes just in time to see Sora waving good-bye to him before everything seemed to shrink. The entire world started narrowing down to nothing, a thin band of life that appeared to go on forever that Roxas was pushed along. Finally, towards the end, Roxas felt as though he himself were being squeezed into nothing, until he found that the sensation was gone and he could breath again. Over and over he drew in deep breaths, as though he'd just been underwater for a few minutes too long.

Wait…breathing? Really, truly, breathing?

"What," he said, his voice a little scratchy and rough, which he cleared before trying to speak again. "What happened? Where am I?"

"You're in the mansion," Merlin said softly, moving to put a hand behind Roxas' back and help him to sit up. "The real one. Welcome to…life."

Roxas' eyes flew open at that, squinting and blinking at how absolutely stunning the lights were in the basement. He felt like he'd just awoken from a long nap, and his head was still groggy and fuzzy, but he also felt…alive. The two wizards were standing in front of him with curious expressions while the good fairies proceeded to take his pulse and look more closely at his eyes.

"God don't you women have anywhere else to be?" he said, swatting them away. "I'm not your specimen…leave me alone."

With that he jumped up off the table that he'd been laying on, having to hold onto the edges for a moment as his legs didn't want to work right at first. After a few seconds things felt more stable as he shook his head to clear the remaining cobwebs from his mind and glanced to the left where Sora still lay asleep on his table. Roxas heart jumped in his chest slightly, moving up to the other teen and leaning over his face.

"Is he okay?" Roxas questioned, cocking his head from side to side. "He's going to wake up isn't he?"

"Of course he is," Merlin said, snapping his fingers. "I just had to lift the spell…"

And at that moment, Sora's eyes snapped open, and Roxas could see his own reflection in the shining blue eyes. The same blonde hair he remembered, the same blue eyes…everything was the same. Roxas didn't know how the wizards had managed it, but somehow he was alive and in the same body that he'd once had…at least it looked the same. None of that seemed to matter at the moment though, as when the pair of identical blue eyes met, the rest of the world fell away.

If only for a moment.

"You're alive," Sora said, biting at his bottom lip. "You're not see-through…"

"I'm not see-through…and I can't hear what you're thinking…"

"Good!" Sora exclaimed with a laugh, leaning up and wrapping his arms around Roxas' shoulder and squeezing him tightly. Another brief second passed while Roxas allowed himself to be amazed at this new sensation, the warmth that came from having someone's arms around him and not having to feel scared or alone. Eventually though Roxas' arms came out as well, embracing someone whom was so important to him that he had no words to express it.

"Thanks, Sora," Roxas said, blinking back the tears that were threatening to overwhelm his eyes.

"Anytime, little bro…"


	4. Chapter 4

**Title**: The Embodiment of Emotion

**Author**: Conjure Lass

**Paring**: Axel and Roxas

**Rating**: PG-13 to NC-17

**Author's Notes**: I am so very pleased with how this is all going! I'm thrilled! I know i'm not getting many reviews (this makes me a little sad considering how hard i'm working on it), but I know that its good anyway and THANK YOU to the few people who HAVE reviewed! 21,600 words baby! I'm kicking NaNo's butt!

"Riku, could you hand me that hammer?" Sora said, reaching his hand out without looking. Roxas snickered as Riku gave him a small glance, as if to say that he really didn't trust his loving boyfriend with a hammer but didn't want to say anything. Rolling his eyes, Roxas grabbed the hammer out of Riku's hands and placed it in Sora's, taking a few steps backwards with a small grin.

"Please don't put any holes in my new wall, okay?" Roxas said, shaking his head, and watching as Sora attempted to put some nails into the wall to hang a large painting on. It was a painting of Ophelia lying in the grass with her hair billowing around her, done in soft hues and attempting to show the madness of the woman. Roxas had liked it so much that he'd decided to get a similar painting of Ophelia for the other side of the living room, only this one was of after she'd been drowned.

A little morbid, but it was pretty nonetheless.

"Come on, give me a little credit here," Sora said in a huff, swinging the hammer down and brilliantly missing the nail, instead hitting his thumb as hard as he possibly could.

"OOOOOOWWW!!!" he cried, dropping the hammer to the floor and bringing his thumb up into his mouth. The thudding of the hammer onto the wooden floor below could barely be heard over the sound of Roxas' raucous laughter, bouncing off the walls and making Sora glare at the blonde. It felt good to be able to just let loose and laugh a little bit. Eventually though even Sora had to laugh a little, rolling his eyes as Riku gave him a small bag of ice that he applied to the quickly swelling thumb.

"Savoir of the known worlds," Riku said, shaking his head and walking back into the kitchen. "And he cannot use a hammer or a screwdriver without killing himself."

"Shut it…"

Roxas' laughter had died down to a soft chuckling at that point, sitting down on his new fluffy couch in his brand new living room. Sora, being the overprotective person that he was, had decided that Roxas needed a place of his own to live in. So to that end, Sora had depleted his savings (he'd collected quite a bit of munny during his travels) and bought Roxas a small house in the middle of Twilight Town, giving it to him as a present about a week after he'd gotten his new body. At first Roxas hadn't wanted to accept such a present, and then he realized that he really didn't want to live on Destiny Islands with Sora anymore…

That had never been his real home anyway.

So now, two weeks after beginning his new life, he was finally putting the finishing touches on his little house and moving in. It was nothing spectacular; just two stories with a bathroom and a bedroom on the upper floor, but Roxas liked it. When he woke up in the morning he could open his window and see the entire town below him…just like he had when he'd originally thought he was living in Twilight Town. It was quiet and peaceful, just the way Roxas liked things.

"Hey, isn't the painter supposed to come today?" Sora asked, coming back into the room after having followed Riku into the kitchen for a moment. "The gallery owner said that he was finishing up another portrait and then he'd be coming to start on ours. I think Lulu said that it would be today didn't she?"

Roxas snickered at the mass of white bandages wrapped around Sora's thumb before answering. "I think so yeah…why are we getting a painting of us again?"

"Because we're family! Families have paintings! So we're getting a painting of us!"

Shaking his head with a small laugh, the blonde stood up and walked over to the window, pushing the plain white curtains to the side to look at the street beyond. That was another thing Sora had decided…that Roxas and he should have some kind of family portrait. Why? Roxas had no idea. But because he didn't have any real reason to disagree with the idea he was going along with it. That and he didn't have a job yet so he had nothing better to do with his time than sit around looking pretty.

It was then that there was a knock on the door, Roxas finding he was too slow to answer it as Sora was already there, nearly bouncing with excitement. As the door opened, and Sora's face fell into a mask of shock, Roxas cocked his head from side to side. What the hell was so shocking about a painter? Was Sora confused by the bright and pretty colors or was there some kind of madman at the door?

And then his own mouth fell to the floor.

Axel.

It was the red hair that he saw first, then the face, and then the body. But it was the eyes, that glanced to him and locked there, which made Roxas' heart speed up. They were exactly like he remembered, perfectly green like the new spring grass, and clear as the finest emerald. They also had that same…spark…the same fire that had drawn him to Axel in the first place. The same infectious…life, for lack of a better word. Even in a world that was supposed to be devoid of vitality, Axel had sparkled.

"Roxas?" Sora said, snapping Roxas out of his reverie and back to the real world. "This was Axel…the one I ran into a few weeks ago…you remember me saying something about that right?"

Roxas blinked a few times, watching as Axel began setting his things down on the living room coffee table and glanced over his shoulder at him. He knew Sora was talking to him, but he didn't think he could pull in enough breath to answer. This was horribly embarrassing…Axel didn't even know him! And here Roxas was staring like a freak on the side of the road at some chick with a short skirt. He had to tear his eyes away…right now…right now!!

"Oh!" Roxas said, forcing himself to relax and walk further into the room. "Yeah…yeah I remember. Axel…I'm Roxas."

"Roxas," Sora said, running his hand down his face. "I already told Axel who you were…weren't you listening?"

Roxas merely shook his head, obviously having not paid a damn bit of attention to the other teen. Without a word he reached his hand out towards Axel, finally meeting the green eyes that he'd thought about for so long. At first Axel seemed unsure of what to do, biting at his bottom lip in a way that made Roxas' breath catch, though he wasn't exactly sure why…well…maybe he was sure why. But in the end it didn't really matter…this Axel had never known him.

But if that were true…why did he keep looking at Roxas like that?

"It's nice to meet you," Axel said, grinning and looking down at the smaller man in front of him, taking the offered hand and shaking it gently. Axel had barely been able to breathe when he'd seen the blue-eyed blonde, finding himself unable to resist the pull of the other boy's coy actions. Suddenly the air around the teen seemed to change, a confidence that he hadn't shown before shining through as he reached his hand out for Axel to take.

Which of course he did…it would have been rude not to.

"_Axel," a man with silver hair said, pushing the blonde forward. "This is Roxas. I want you to make him feel at home…"_

_Axel rolled his eyes, crossing his arms in front of his chest and scrutinizing the younger Nobody for a moment. He had an air about him that spoke of innocence, but not so much so that he didn't have an edge. This one seemed multi-faceted in a way that all the others simply were not. Cocking his head to the side, he leaned into Roxas' face and gave him a small grin._

"_Don't worry kid," Axel said, putting his arm around Roxas' shoulder and leading them down the hallway of Castle Oblivion with a sway in his step. "I'll teach you everything you need to know."  
_

"_Rule number one: never…under any circumstances…ask Saix where he got the scar. It will only end in tears…"_

Axel shot backwards, wrenching his hand out of Roxas' with a small gasp. He hadn't really meant to do that, but the vision had been so abrupt that he'd felt like he was falling into it. But just as fast as it came the lights and pictures were gone, leaving Axel leaning the back of his knees against the couch behind him, staring at the younger man who had come forward with a worried expression. The expression lasted only a split second as Roxas quickly masked it…though for the life of him Axel didn't know how he knew that.

Sora came up quickly, helping Axel to sit down on the couch and leaning over him, his face a very open book. "Are you all right? Maybe you're sick! What do you think Riku?"

Riku had stood motionless as Axel walked in, having not quite believed Sora and Roxas when they told him about the Nobody being alive. But now that the proof was standing in front of him, everything seemed much worse in his mind. Axel's bright green eyes and cocky demeanor reminded the silver-haired youth of terrible times in his life, of things that he'd hoped buried forever. It made him question all the things he'd thought were settled and buried.

"I think I'm going to go to the kitchen and make some tea," Riku said, turning on his heel and stalking away.

Sora raised his eyebrow as he watched Riku leave, making Roxas wonder what was going on. It didn't seem to matter much as Axel quickly recovered, waving Sora's attentions away with a playful smirk. Running a hand through his hair, he put his hands behind his back and tried desperately to pretend that nothing was wrong. This was his first big client, and he really didn't want to come off like a complete spaz. Smiling brightly, he glanced at Sora and Roxas each in turn.

"So…you two are brothers?" Axel asked, noticing how absolutely alike the two were in appearance. "Why don't you give me a little bit about what you're looking for and we'll go from there okay?"

The next hour was spent with mostly the sound of Sora rambling on about how he really couldn't decide what kind of painting that they wanted, only that it should be very classic but with a sense of fun. The more he talked the more bored Roxas became, until he was staring at the wall trying to imagine himself running through the cracks in the paint. Every so often, just to reconfirm for himself that Axel really was there, he would look towards his best friend and smile.

Until one glance was just a little too obvious and then…

Axel had felt it everytime Roxas had looked at him, fighting to pay attention to Sora instead of the unexpected way his body was reacting. This was all…a little weird. It wasn't that he was terribly uncomfortable in these people's presence (quite the opposite), it was more the fact that he _didn't_ feel uncomfortable that was really plaguing him. He felt almost totally at ease with these people, which hadn't happened in…the entire time he could remember. Which admittedly wasn't much.

"Let's set up a pose hmm?" Axel said, standing up and dragging a chair over towards the fireplace. "Ummm…come here Roxas, you can sit in the chair here and look pretty…"

"I'm supposed to look pretty without my jewels and stockings? Atrocious."

Sora laughed softly as Roxas grudgingly obliged, sitting down in the chair and crossing his ankle over his knee, putting his elbow up over the back of the chair. Sora, seeing an opportunity, came up behind Roxas, putting his own elbow directly on top of the blonde's head and letting his arm dangle in front of them both. Roxas fussed instantly, trying to get Sora to move off of him, but Axel's reaction was immediate.

That pose was perfect!

"Don't…move…" Axel said, putting his hands up in a mocking sort of way, clicking it like a camera. "Now give me…pouty! Good job Roxas! You've got pouty and stubborn down to an art!"

With that Roxas scowled, rolling his eyes at Axel and sighing. It was just like being teased by the old Axel…almost exactly the same. Only this Axel seemed a little bit less jaded and maybe a little kinder but not _too_ much nicer. He was still the same complete asshole that Roxas remembered. Roxas smiled widely at the thought of that, a genuinely happy smile as he watched his best friend laugh and continue to click away at his imaginary camera.

"Ohhh grandma! What a pretty smile you have!" Axel said in response to Roxas' smile, making the expression go very soft. However, his eyes widened when Axel spoke again, making Roxas' jaw slacken just the smallest bit.

"Now give me a sexy pout, Rox. I know you have one hidden in there."

Axel…had always called him Rox…always…

"Perfect," Axel finally finished his playful picture taking, pulling out a little box with some pencils in it and a gargantuan eraser that he shoved into his mouth. His voice came out muffled slightly by the rubber in his mouth that he tried to talk around. "Now don't move for a few minutes okay? If you do you'll ruin it…then I'll have to kick your asses."

Axel laughed at himself for a moment, leaning back and setting up the soft canvas in front of him. From the moment that his pencils began to touch the paper, he was enthralled, long lines turning into gentle shapes that became full blown people right in front of his eyes. Sora was sketched first, his hair more of a pain in the ass to draw than anything Axel had ever experienced…and then he drew Roxas. He took pains to make sure every single line of the young man's face was right, from the way his mouth tilted upwards as though hiding a smile to the way his eyes gazed almost through him and yet were the most scrutinizing he'd ever felt. Every small kink in the boys hair was painstakingly drawn until finally Axel felt that he could raise his head and show the sketch.

"So," he said, turning the large sketch for them to look at. "What do you think? I'll have to arrange some sittings, but this is definitely how I'm thinking of making it look."

Roxas stayed where he was, looking at the sketch from across the room while Sora was instantly on the move, putting his face very near the canvas and nodding emphatically. Turning to the blonde, Sora pointed at the drawing and grinned widely, making Roxas smile in return. Roxas had discovered in his short time in this new body that when Sora smiled he had a hard time not responding in kind…the Keyblade Master was infectious. Not that it was a bad thing by any means, just that it surprised Roxas.

A lot of things had surprised Roxas about his new life…

"It's going to be awesome," Sora said, nodding happily. "I'm going to show it to Riku…as…soon as I find him that is."

Axel began picking up his things slowly, sighing a bit at the thought of having to leave. Since the moment that he fell into Twilight Town, he hadn't had one moment where he felt truly comfortable until that moment. So now that he had to go home to be lonely, he found himself a little unhappy about it. Quietly he clicked his art case shut, standing up and lethargically going towards the door. He had his hand on the knob when a voice called out to stop him.

The former Nobody had watched with a growing ache as Axel picked up his things and began to leave, knowing he wanted to say something to make him stay. The problem was finding out what those words were, and so far his mind seemed terribly blank. All he knew was from the moment that Axel walked into the house it didn't seem so empty and unfinished. He knew that _he_ felt less empty and unfinished. Axel was still his best friend (whether he knew it or not) and no matter what, that still meant something to Roxas.

"Hey!" he called suddenly, rising up from the chair as it fell backwards with a loud clatter. Sora paused in the doorway to the kitchen, glancing at Roxas with confused eyes, but Roxas paid it no mind. Coming forward, he tried to make himself seem as casual as possible, though he could tell that he was sort of overdoing it…but some effort was better than nothing.

"Why don't we…get coffee or something? You know, you, me and Sora could…"

"Well," Sora interrupted, coming forward and grinning at Roxas while putting a hand on the small of his back. "I'm going to be leaving here, but why don't you guys go? Maybe I'll catch up later."

Roxas nearly squeaked as Sora pushed him forward, sending him crashing into Axel before bouncing back with a startled look. Glaring at his Other, Roxas shook his head and rolled his eyes. What the hell was that about? He had actually turned around and begun to follow Sora into the kitchen when the voice stopped him in his tracks, making him glance over his shoulder as though in some kind of B-rate horror movie. He could just picture Axel with a knife in his hands and blank, dead eyes coming at him with blood dripping out of his ears…

Or maybe that was just his overactive imagination.

"Sure," Axel murmured, putting his art case down. "I'm not doing anything…"

The sound of Sora's retreating footsteps on the hardwood floors was the only sound Roxas could hear (other than his own breathing) as he stared up at Axel who was grinning down at him as though he knew some big secret. Shaking his head slowly, Roxas smirked back and ducked around the taller man, opening the door and sliding through, glancing back and winking as he stepped out onto the porch. The days in Twilight Town were slowly becoming colder, and this day was no exception. Winter was coming, though it never truly felt like winter here.

"Hey!" Axel came behind Roxas, shoving him down the short stairs that lead to the ground, though Roxas managed to keep himself from falling all over the place. "What's your hurry? Afraid I bite?"

Roxas grinned, looking over his shoulder before shoving his hands into his baggy black jean pockets and proceeding down the street with Axel coming up right beside him and mimicking his actions. The only difference was that Axel looked more at ease with the slouching motion that Roxas did, which wasn't really unusual.

"Because I'll have you know," Axel continued, taking his hand out of his pocket and poking Roxas' cheek. "That I only bite under certain circumstances and you have to be good to earn it."

The two young men walked in silence for a while, neither one feeling the need to break the quiet threads that were being woven between them as they continued down the street. Roxas, being the more familiar one with the area, instantly took up the role as leader, making the turns where they needed to be made, until finally they stood in front of a small vendor's cart on the corner of two streets. The blonde had liked this place for a while, coming here almost every night since he'd received his new body. He liked the feeling of something hot going down his throat and the comforting warmth that settled in his stomach after the swallow.

"So," Roxas said, finally speaking. "What…made you move to Twilight Town?"

Axel paused at Roxas' question, holding the warm cup between both his hands as he stared down into the dark substance. What to say to such a question? If he told Roxas the truth than it made him sound like a complete nutcase, and yet, he didn't want to lie to the blonde either. Biting at the inside of his cheek a bit, he tried to find a way to be as enigmatic as possible without being an outright liar. As his tongue came out to greet his bottom lip, he finally settled on something that wouldn't sound ridiculous and wouldn't get him in trouble.

"I just kind of dropped in, you know?" Axel said, sipping at the hot liquid. For some odd reason, no matter how hot the liquid was, it never seemed to be hot enough for him. It was almost as though his internal temperature was too high and he was constantly running a fever. "And when I took a look at it…this place kind of suited my fancy."

"Suited your fancy?" Roxas sniggered, blowing hot steam across the surface of the coffee cup while they continued down the street. "My, my aren't we cultured."

"Why yes, I am," Axel said, raising a bright red eyebrow. "I'll have you know I can balance a book on my head and do a little turn on the catwalk too."

Suddenly a shiver ran through Axel, making him nearly drop his cup as he glanced at Roxas. The colder it was getting, the less he could handle it, until every gust of wind was like a thousand knives biting any piece of exposed skin that it could find. Another shiver ran down his arms and he paused, pulling the collar of his jacket up around his jawbone until the bottom of it reached his nose. He hated being cold…hated it.

His voice came out muffled from the cloth when he finally spoke. "Rox," he said, wondering why Roxas' eyes widened and a small blush graced his cheeks. "I'm cold. Can we go somewhere warm for a while?"

Roxas merely nodded, reaching out and grabbing Axel's elbow as he lead them down the next street. "I've got the perfect place, come on."

Within five minutes they were standing in the middle of a large, empty building lot with a large glass building with a metal frame in the center. Its windows were slightly fogged with condensation from the inside, rivulets of water dripping down from the ceiling, making shapes on the glass. As they walked closer, Axel could see colorful blooms on the inside, fauna of every shape and size dangling from pots and exploding from baskets. As he ran his long finger along the clear walls, making their way to the glass double doors, he couldn't stop himself from watching the way Roxas moved. Every motion was very…lithe…as though he were dancing as he walked, though Roxas' footfalls were a bit too heavy to be a dancer. Roxas smiled back at him, pulling open the glass double doors with a flourish worthy of a stage actor. As he did, a cloud of steam puffed out like smoke from inside the greenhouse, making the glass walls almost instantly clear up as the temperature became more regulated within.

"I like it here," Roxas murmured, motioning with his head for Axel to follow him.

Slowly the two of them walked down the middle aisle of the greenhouse, Roxas occasionally running his finger along a large green leaf or smelling a random flower. Most of them actually didn't have much of a smell at all, but that didn't stop the blonde from enjoying his time there. He'd actually found the small place on one of his many walks around the town, trying to clear his head and get his mind straight after he'd gotten his new body. Now he just took walks all the time, usually not going home for hours at a time.

Axel followed along slowly, not wanting to disturb whatever moment the two of them seemed to have found. The moment they'd stepped into the greenhouse, Axel had felt better. His body temperature instantly regulated itself, the chill that had been working its way along his skin began to thaw, leaving him feeling more like himself and less like an ice-pop. Not to mention that the plants were actually kind of pretty…though for some reason they reminded him of someone that he really didn't like.

Pink…hair…he remembered pink hair…

"Pink hair," he murmured softly, not noticing when Roxas turned and gaped at him. He was too enthralled with one particular bloom, his index finger running smoothly along the deep blue petals while he allowed his mind to drift slightly. Pink hair…and black clothes…sharp objects. If he closed his eyes, he could almost make out faces, but he found that the harder he tried to focus on them, the more impossible it became to remember them. Eventually he was simply standing with his hand on the flower and his eyes closed, wishing that his thoughts would finally come together.

"Holy shit! Axel!" he heard to his right, opening his eyes in time to see the flower that he'd been touching explode into flames. Jumping back instantly, he let out a startled sound and began shaking his head. Not this shit again! He'd nearly allowed himself to forget about the first time it had happened, putting it out of his mind and pretending it had never happened. Now…now it was shoved back in his face again…only this time someone else was around to witness the freak that he actually was.

And yet…again…it had felt _so_ good. It was almost a pleasure to watch what used to be a blue flower wither into a smoldering pile and burn away. Almost.

"Hot stuff, huh?" Axel said, his voice slightly shaky as he looked at Roxas.

Roxas had turned when he heard Axel speak, his mouth falling open slightly at the mention of pink hair. Only one person Roxas had ever met had that hideous color hair…so it couldn't be a coincidence. Was he actually getting his memory back, or was it just Roxas' imagination wanting Axel to remember him so badly that it was making up stories to entertain him. Either way it didn't matter, as suddenly there was a small blaze in the nearby plant, Roxas coming forward with his mouth hanging open yet again. Fire!? What the hell was going on? Axel seemed as confused as his companion did when he turned large, suddenly very afraid and slightly vulnerable eyes, towards Roxas. Not knowing what else to do, and slightly consumed with the desire to calm him, the blonde came forward.

"Hey, hey," Roxas said, putting his hand on the small of Axel's back and pushing him towards the door. "You really are hot stuff, you know that? Come on…let's get out of here before you burn the place to the ground."

"I wouldn't know how to do that anyway," Axel said, raising an eyebrow at Roxas' hand on his back, though not bothering to remove it. "That's sort of a spontaneous thing…you know…premature inflammation."

A large bout of laughter came from the younger man's mouth, rolling his eyes at Axel's joke. Shaking his head, he led them along, though not before stopping for a moment. His chest suddenly felt very…tight. It was like his lungs just wouldn't take in enough air, or at least that's how he thought he was feeling. Without warning he began coughing, doubling over slightly with the force of each push, his eyes watering up as the pain racked his entire body. He was starting to think that the spasms would never end, until suddenly his body started to re-align itself and the world slowly stopped spinning.

Though when it did, he found that he couldn't breath again for an entirely different reason.

When Roxas had begun to cough, Axel had come up close, worried that something was wrong. His worries were confirmed when the coughing fit didn't stop, and before he knew what he was doing he had wrapped his arms around the smaller teen's body, holding him near while he waited for the coughing to stop. And all the while, he felt his heart pounding, wanting to provide some kind of comfort but not really knowing how. Axel eventually settled for rubbing his hand along Roxas' back, patting him every now and again to try to get the last of the coughs out…not that it was really doing any good.

But it felt good anyway…

"You okay?" Axel said when Roxas stopped coughing, looking down at the blue eyes that stared up at him with a bit of shock. It took a moment or two to realize that the shock was because they were basically holding each other, Axel's arms around Roxas' small body while Roxas' hands had dug into Axel's shirt in an effort to calm the fit. But even though he knew he probably should have let him go…he didn't. He wasn't going to either, not until the blonde pushed the issue.

Roxas bit at his bottom lip, not really knowing what to say. Instead of saying anything he merely nodded, looking at his fingers that were still clenched in Axel's white shirt and wondering when they'd gotten there. Feeling suddenly bold, he splayed his fingers outward, staring at them instead of looking up at Axel's face. If he'd seen the redhead's reaction he would have lost his nerve, and more than anything he didn't want to become afraid. Not to mention that he really didn't have the physical strength to hold himself up, and he really didn't feel like looking foolish by falling onto the ground.

"Yeah, I'm good," he finally said. "Probably just caught a bit too much of this cold air."

"You sure?" Axel replied, cautiously giving Roxas another pat on the back, albeit a much gentler one.

"Mmhmm," Roxas replied, finally pulling away reluctantly. He stayed within arms reach though, looking down at the ground with a piece of Axel's shirt tail in his hand. Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes and forced himself to speak.

"Ithinkyoushouldaskmeout," he said in a rush, swallowing at the end. There…he'd said it. True, it had been quick and he thought he was going to throw up, but he'd said it. There was really no point in beating around the bush with this, and there was no point in denying what he was thinking. The only problem was finding the courage to actually say what he wanted to say without passing out. So far, so good.

"What?" Axel questioned, trying to decipher what Roxas had said, raising a thin eyebrow and leaning down towards the other man's face. For a moment there it had almost sounded like Roxas was asking Axel to ask him out. But…well…that was just stupid. Not only did they barely know each other (though it didn't feel that way), there was no way that anyone had that kind of nerve. But…he figured he'd ask again just to be sure.

"What did you say?"

Roxas took a deep breath, holding it in his lungs for a moment before letting it out slowly through his nose. When he was through he felt calmer, able to look up and meet Axel's eyes without a hint of embarrassment. After all…what was there to be ashamed of? If he didn't want to go out, he'd just say no…it wouldn't be a big deal. Rejection was no big deal. Right? Right.

"I…think you should ask me out," Roxas repeated finally, tugging on the end of Axel's shirt with a small grin.

"Oh, do you?" Axel replied, cocking his head to the side. So…he hadn't just been imagining things. Roxas really had basically just asked him out. Okay, now that he had the door open, what to say? He couldn't just ask Roxas out now like a person normally would, as that lacked flair of any sort…but he sure as hell wasn't going to say no. Decisions, decisions…

Axel suddenly pulled away, a large grin plastered on his face as he took a few steps backwards. At first Roxas was sure he'd just been handed a 'no', as Axel turned around, giving him his back, before looking over his shoulder. Roxas was about to turn around himself and go home to crawl into bed and never come out, when the smooth sound of Axel's voice traveled over his shoulder and into the lingering silence.

"I think you should wear something white," Axel replied, winking over his shoulder. "When I pick you up tomorrow at six."


	5. Chapter 5

**Title:** The Embodiment of Emotion

**Author**: Conjure Lass

**Pairing**: Axel and Roxas

**Author's Notes**: Yaaaay! Date chapter!!! I was thrilled to write this just thrilled. First out, a big 'thank you' to my reviewers, I know I sounded a bit whiny about the whole not getting any reviews thing...but...why would I put this stuff up on public forums if I didn't want someone to enjoy it? In case you all are curious as to why i'm even mentioning this, someone at another site dissed me in a review (then told me how great the story was) because i mentioned that not getting any reviews really made me sad. So I'm a little touchy about that now. Of course...I still would like reviews...i'm a REVIEW WHORE!!! So anyway...THANK YOU REVIEWERSSS!! You make this ten-times more fun than doing it alone! Hope this date chapter was worth the looks at watch four day wait!

_It had been a cold night in The World that Never Was, and Axel had found himself abnormally restless. Usually it was no problem for the Nobody to find something to occupy his time, but everything about the evening was especially still and stale. And so he'd decided to amuse himself with wandering aimlessly around the castle, finding new doors that had apparently been a secret, accidentally walking in on Marluxia dying his hair, finding Larxene's pants in the oddest places. All in all, after about two hours of this he had, once again, become bored._

_Turning down one corner, he found himself outside the library, glancing in. At this late an hour he had expected it to be empty, however, his eyes brightened to see one blonde head sticking up over the top of the couch. Roxas! With a happy smile (as happy as Nobodies ever got) he went into the room, moving in front of the couch and looking down at his best friend._

_Roxas, for his part, was happily reading a book, the warm fire in front of him the only light. True, it was making his eyes hurt a little to read in the firelight, but he hadn't felt like turning on any of the normal lights. It just seemed very fake tonight. He didn't really notice when Axel walked in, too engrossed in his book and not really feeling up to company anyway. So it was a bit of a surprise when Axel's body (who could mistake that hair) cast a long shadow onto the pages of his book and caught his attention._

"_Axel?" he questioned, closing his book softly. "What are you still doing up? You went to bed hours ago."_

_Axel chuckled, sitting down on the couch and putting his head into Roxas' lap, looking up at him. "I couldn't sleep. Too bored. Entertain me Rox?"_

_Laughing, Roxas rolled his eyes and leaned his head back, letting his hand fall into the red hair below him. The first time that he'd felt Axel's hair he'd been surprised that it was so soft, having expected it to be very hard and pointy. There were a lot of things about Axel that, on the outside, appeared to be very abrasive, while in reality he was really much more kind than he let on._

_After a few minutes of comfortable silence, Roxas stroking Axel's hair while Axel nearly purred in contentment, Roxas finally spoke._

"_I want to know where I came from," he said softly, looking down into his companion's green eyes, which were half-open and sleepy. "I can't remember anything like you all can…"_

"_I know Roxas," Axel replied, his hand wandering up to cup the younger man's cheek. "If there were a way for me to fix that…I would."_

"_I know," Roxas murmured back, leaning down and wrapping his arms around Axel's head, burying his small nose in the redhead's neck and allowing himself to breath. Sometimes, if he just concentrated on the quiet intake and exhale of breath, he could swear he heard someone else speaking. But when he allowed his mind to function again it was gone, and all that was left was the lingering feeling that he'd been left behind. _

_When he came back from his contemplation however, he discovered that Axel's own arms had moved to hug him back, and that now they were locked in what could only be described as a very odd looking version of a cuddle. A few breathless moments passed while Roxas tried to figure out what he was supposed to do, but after thinking about it he realized that it didn't actually require quite as much thought as he'd originally imagined._

_And for the first time since he could remember (which wasn't long, but it seemed that way) he had been able to just relax._

"Roxas, stop fussing! You look good!" Sora exclaimed, slapping Roxas' hand away from his hair for probably the hundredth time. "You'd look good no matter what you wore, okay? You're perfect…beautiful…handsome…whatever! Just stop messing with your hair!"

Roxas turned away from the full length mirror in his bedroom, glaring at his Other with narrowed eyes. What a hypocrite! Roxas could easily remember being in Sora's head while he'd gotten ready to go on his first date with Riku, as the Keyblade Master had been a nervous wreck. It had taken the mahogany-haired boy at least forty-five minutes just to make sure that the mess he called his hair had been perfectly in place. Eventually it had looked _exactly_ like it always did; though Sora swore it looked just a little bit smoother than normal.

"You have got about no room to talk," Roxas answered, turning back to the mirror one last time to get the whole picture of himself. Actually, he did have to admit that he looked pretty good. White jeans clung to his hips semi-tight, the back pockets a startling blue along with two patches over the knees that were sewn in. When the pants reached the knees they billowed out slightly over large white tennis shoes with thick soles that made Roxas a little taller and blue shoelaces. The laces matched the shirt, which was long sleeved and done in the same cerulean blue color as his eyes. A large white stripe went directly down the front and came up to the collar, moving to cover his shoulders then down in thinner stripes along his arms to his wrists. On his hands were the two rings that he had worn long ago, along with a simple diamond stud in his right ear. Taking a deep breath, he turned away from the mirror and walked by Sora, winking and going down the stairs to wait for Axel to get there.

It didn't take long (though with Sora around it felt like an eternity) to finally hear a loud rumbling outside the door, prompting Roxas to get up and look out his sitting room curtains again. Not able to see anything, he ran to the door and poked his head out, only to see one of the most…interesting sights he'd ever seen.

There sat Axel on a motorcycle, trying without success to get the kickstand down and eventually just leaning it up against the railing of the porch. Roxas walked out, eyebrow raised in confusion as he crossed his arms in front of his chest. He sat in silence for a second just taking Axel in, not having seen the older man in anything other than his black coat and pants before (well other than pajamas but did that really count?)

While Roxas' outfit was bright and slightly angelic, Axel's outfit could only be described as devilishly attractive. Black baggy pants hung low on his hips, with a dark green belt with studs of silver all along the middle. Green braided cords were wrapped around his upper thighs, knees and mid-calf, trailing along the sides of his legs and swishing as he walked. On his upper body was a form-fitting, black, long sleeved t-shirt with green bands of color around his upper arms and around his waist. On his neck was a simple silver chain with a small charm clasped to the bottom that Roxas couldn't quite make out. The outfit was completed with black boots that were slightly covered with the bottoms of Axel's long pants.

All in all…a very pretty picture. Very pretty indeed.

Finally Roxas' voice came, though it was a little deeper than he'd originally intended. Embarrassed, he cleared his throat and attempted to sound like he wasn't about to spaz out and run into the house like a virgin girl.

"Where the hell did you get the bike?" he asked, watching Axel's face break out into a grin.

"Well…Lulu heard I had a date tonight and she told me that every guy looks about a hundred times sexier with a bike. So she let me borrow hers." Axel laughed, putting his finger up to his lips as though he'd just thought of something. "Though what that says about her is beyond me. I don't know how she'd ride with all those belts anyway…"

Roxas laughed, looking down at the ground then back up at his companion who came up the two at a time and stopped at the top. The blonde looked up just in time to see Axel walking towards him, cocking his head to the side while he walked around Roxas in a completely circle. Blue eyes followed him and then rolled, crossing his arms over his chest and shaking his head.

"What are you doing?" Roxas asked, reaching to the side and grabbing Axel's sleeve, making him stop walking so that Roxas could get a better look at him. There was a look in Axel's eyes making the younger man squirm, like he was being eaten alive or was some object of desire. Biting at his bottom lip, he smiled in spite of the feeling (since it wasn't entirely unwelcome) and tugged on Axel's sleeve again.

"I'm looking at you," Axel said simply, as though the answer had been very obvious and he wasn't sure why Roxas had asked to begin with. "You look good…why wouldn't I get a better look?"

Roxas bit at his bottom lip, getting a silent thrill when Axel's eyes moved to watch his teeth gnaw at his mouth. This side of Axel was, he had to admit, very appealing. Not to mention, Roxas had never had someone's attention quite like this before. Sure, he and Axel had shared a…unique relationship when they were with the organization, but it hadn't been anything romantic.

And going out on a date was definitely what one would consider romantic.

"Get a better look while we're walking to…wherever you decided that we're going tonight," he said, moving past Axel, smelling the unmistakable smell of cinder and burning things. It was very faint, but it was there. Axel always smelled like fire embers and ash.

"We're walking? But I brought Lulu's bike!" Axel said, running to catch up with Roxas who had already started walking down the sidewalk. He took one last forlorn look back at the motorcycle before moving into step with the shorter teen, looking at him with a slightly bemused gaze.

He really did look good. From the way his hair fell over his eye no matter what he seemed to do, to the way his shirt matched his eyes and made them sparkle a bit. Axel had been right when he'd thought that Roxas would look amazing in white, though he hadn't expected him to look quite so angelic. It was like he'd been plucked from some cloud…or that could have been the romantic side talking.

Wait…he had a romantic side? Since when…

Roxas laughed, giving Axel eyes that were glittering with humor and making Axel smile in return. "You were having trouble with the kickstand. Do you think I trust you to actually drive it?"

"I was not having trouble with the kickstand!" Axel exclaimed, poking Roxas in the upper arm. "I was just…trying to make sure it wasn't going to fall over, that's all."

"Suuure."

_It had been raining in outside in the lonely, dark world that they lived in, but that was nothing unusual. Nor was it unusual to find two particular nobodies standing under an eave looking out into the rain, preparing to go out on their nightly patrol. Not that you could really tell night from day there, but they still had watches so that's what they went off of. Axel stood further away from the rain than Roxas, eyes narrowing as if somehow the rain were going to bite him._

"_You're only upset," Roxas said, raising a delicate eyebrow and pointing at Axel. "Because you know that your fire is completely useless in the rain."_

"_Oh, fuck you Roxie," Axel said in retort, enjoying the way Roxas' eyebrows came together at the nickname that he hated so much. "I just…don't like how dark it always is here…"_

_Roxas' expression softened at the sound of his friend's voice, walking up to him and shaking his head. His hand reached up and pulled Axel's hood over his hair, pulling away with a wink. Without saying a word, he raised his arm upwards, his entire hand becoming encased in brilliant light as he began to walk into the rain. He looked back just in time to see a large grin split the face of the man who was now following behind him._

_Roxas always had made a good nightlight._

"Axel," Roxas said, pausing on the sidewalk to stare at Axel. "Are you okay?"

Axel had been standing motionless while the images passed before his eyes, blinking when they were finally over as though he'd been watching a movie. He didn't know how long he'd been like that, but from the worried air that Roxas had about him Axel could tell that it had been a few minutes. The visions had been coming faster and more numerously since he'd met Roxas, and now he was having trouble simply brushing them off as overactive imagination.

"Yeah, I'm fine," he lied, waving his hair airily and motioning for them to continue walking. "Don't worry about it…that's been happening for a while."

Shrugging lightly, Roxas looked down at Axel's front pocket, noticing something glimmering there. Cocking his head to the side, he reached down and grabbed at it, discovering that it was a pair of glasses, which he promptly settled down on his nose and posed with them slightly. He'd been unaware that Axel had needed to wear things like this, so with a confused face he turned to his companion.

"I didn't know you needed glasses," Roxas said, pushing them further up on his nose. Now that he really thought about it, the glasses weren't doing anything. It was like looking through normal glass or through a window. Why would you carry around glasses that didn't actually help your vision?

Axel cleared his throat and grinned, grabbing them off Roxas' face and placing them on his own. "If you must know, I only wear them to look smart. What do you think?"

"I think you failed," Roxas said, laughing loudly. He gasped when he felt a few sparks of playful fire pop around Axel's body, the taller man giving him a look that could have been pure murder. Laughter only growing, Roxas took off at a run down towards the pier, though he nearly managed to get himself killed in the meantime. He had always been a faster runner than Axel, even though he was quite a bit shorter.

Finally reaching the docks, he kept running down towards the boat at the very end. Unfortunately, his shoe caught on a small rope and he went tumbling down towards the wood below, wincing slightly when he felt a sharp scraping on his forearm. Blushing madly, he stood and brushed off his pants, hoping that he hadn't ruined them. He then lifted his arm up and pulled back the sleeve to reveal a long scrape that went from his wrist to the middle of his forearm. Recoiling slightly from just the look of it, he hissed when he began to feel the pain shoot up his arm.

"That was just divine payback for making fun of me," Axel said, coming to a skidding halt beside Roxas who was busily making fussing noises at his new wound. Reaching his arm out, Axel brought Roxas' arm closer to take a look at it. It was a pretty clean scrape, though from the look of it, it hurt like hell. Roxas hissed in pain when Axel took the long piece of cloth that was wrapped around his upper arm and wrapped it around his forearm, patting it gently when he was through.

"Good as new," he nodded. "Do you need me to kiss it better?"

_Axel had nearly been asleep, snuggled so deeply into his blankets that he couldn't even hear Demyx playing his guitar in the room next to his own, when he'd heard it. The soft creak of his door opening and the familiar shuffle of feet as they came into his room. His eyes opened, glancing towards the long bands of light that streamed from the doorway and the shadow that broke them. Not bothering to sit up, he smiled and waited for the younger nobody to close the door._

"_Axel?" the voice came, strained and shaky as though he'd been crying. That did prompt Axel to sit up, the covers falling from his bare chest and a shiver running down his spine. The castle was always so cold. When he did his mouth fell open, too shocked at the other boy's appearance to really move, much less speak._

_Roxas was a mess, from head to toe, covered in scrapes and bruises. There was one particular scrape on his cheek that made Axel wince to think of how he attained it. He was shaking and looked exhausted, his arms wrapping around himself instantly when he finally shut the door and plunged them both into darkness. Axel could hear him feeling his way towards the bed, the mattress shifting as Roxas accidentally bumped into it. Instinctually Axel lifted the covers, wrapping his arms around the blonde when he crawled in to press himself securely around the redhead and bury his forehead in Axel's chest. _

_Breaking the silence, Axel finally spoke. "What happened? Are you okay?"_

_It took a few moments for Roxas to answer, voice still shaky. "Xemnas decided that I needed some private tutoring with my keyblades," he said softly, rubbing his cheek against Axel's pale skin. "It got out of hand."_

"_Oh…" Axel replied dumbly, not really knowing what else to say. And so the two of them were plunged back into a comfortable silence, until a soft sound drew the redhead's attention down to the small body in his arms._

_Roxas was crying._

"_I don't…I don't fit in here," he whimpered, sniffling and rubbing the back of his hand across his eyes. "I'm not like anyone else…"_

_Axel's eyebrows came together, drawing Roxas closer and laying his forehead against the top of that messy yellow head. Though he knew that nobodies were never supposed to feel, he couldn't help but think he was going to cry. Every time that Roxas' body would shudder next to him, a soft sobbing rising up to meet his ears, he felt like something in him was breaking. From what he could remember…this was what heartbreak felt like. But he had no heart, so how the hell could that happen?_

"_Roxas," he whispered, feeling the blonde look up at him. "I hope you never fit in. Never."_

"I don't think I need you to kiss my wounds like you're my mom Axel," Roxas said, though he actually had no mother. Unless you counted Sora's mom, but to be honest he really didn't consider her a mother. She was just some chick who'd given birth to his Other.

"Fine, be a hardass. See if I care," Axel joked, turning slightly. "Well lookie here, you managed to fall right in front of the boat we're going to be taking out this evening. Good job Captain Klutz."

"We're taking out a boat?" Roxas replied, turning to the small boat floating in the water. It was a smaller white sailboat, pale violet sails (good lord they were going to ride in a purple boat) with large black stripes in them that reached towards the sky. It was perfect for two people, just big enough not to look like it was going to sink but small enough for one person to steer on their own without much help.

"To be more accurate, we're taking out Lulu's boat…without her knowledge. So I'd really appreciate it if you didn't mention this to her." Axel laughed, placing his hand on the small of Roxas' back and ushering him up the plank that lead to the deck of the small sailboat. He'd heard her mentioning something about having a sailboat and had thought it would be perfect to take Roxas on.

Taking a deep breath of the quickly chilling air, he looked out onto the water, smiling to himself. He could easily remember falling into that cold water, though at the time he hadn't really had the opportunity (or desire) to really get a good look at the harbor. Now that he did, he had to admit that it was very pretty. The harbor was surrounded on three sides by the town, little piers and docks set up all over the place where people seemed to congregate. Men could be seen sitting or getting into boats, fishing off the wooden docks, and basically just meandering along the shores of the water. There was the smell of salt moving through the air as the breeze blew Axel's hair around a bit.

"Are you coming?" he heard from in front of him, Roxas question snapping him from his reverie. Looking up at the deck of the ship (dubbed 10,000 Needles by Lulu) his eyes widened slightly at the sight of Roxas. The younger man's bright hair was blowing across his eyes, showing only brief glimpses of the shining blue orbs beneath their strands. He had his arms behind his back, glancing around in a curious way before cocking his head to the side, his expression curious.

"What? What are you staring at?" he said, putting his hands on his hips and leaning forward slightly.

"You…just you."

"Such a charmer," Roxas murmured, turning around and walking to the other side of the boat. Though his words might have said otherwise, his face told the truth, and he'd had to turn around to hide the growing blush that was rising up on his cheeks. If he stood in the wind long enough, he could simply say that the rosy hue was due to the cold air smacking him in the cheeks. And so he stood at the front of the boat, staring out at the dancing water in the bay before him.

Sitting down at the front of the ship, he allowed his legs to dangle over the edge, looking down as the water lapped against the side of the boat. He continued to watch it until he realized that the boat hadn't started to move, and they were still in the exact same place they were to begin with. What the hell was the problem here? Raising a curious eyebrow, he looked over his shoulder to see a very confused Axel standing over the wheel of the ship with one index finger on the metal and one hand at the back of his hair, idly scratching at his neck.

"You have no idea how to steer this thing do you?" Roxas quipped, laughing softly and pursing his lips together.

Axel, for his part, had been desperately trying to figure out how to get out of the dock for at least the last ten minutes. First it was the problem of how to get the sails unfurled (which he figured out) then it was the problem of how to actually get out of the little space they were in. After another five minutes he finally realized something…the boat had a motor for just this sort of thing. Then, once you were out where the wind was stronger you could actually sail. Feeling his cheeks grow hot with the growing sense that this whole idea was stupid, he turned the little key and heard the telltale sign of the motor starting up.

"Nah," Axel admitted, shrugging and waving an airy hand in Roxas' direction. "But I don't need to know what I'm doing to handle this…you just…move the wheel. Watch."

With that he spun the wheel of the ship, finding it odd that the boat moved in such slow motion, as though catching up with his actions. At first he thought it was pretty easy, until he got into a small group of boats and discovered that he really didn't have quite as much control of the ship as he originally imagined he did. Axel's eyes widened as another boat started to get perilously close, noticing that Roxas was becoming more and more tense near the front of the boat, even going so far as to stand up and take a few steps away from the railing.

"Ummmm…Axel?" Roxas said, his voice raising only slightly with his concern. "We're not going to hit them are we?"

"I…don't know," Axel confessed, his voice trying to hold back the soft chuckle that he felt bubbling up in his throat. Of course, that could have just been from the fact that he was trying to cover up his own fear of hitting the boat in front of them, but that was another story all together.

"I'm serious Axel! We're going to hit that boat!" Roxas exclaimed, turning and running towards Axel at the wheel. He reached the taller man just in time to watch the other small ship barely pass by them, leaving only a few mere feet between the two sailboats. Roxas' face went blank as he watched it pass, his arms hanging uselessly at his sides while the faces of the other people mirrored his shock. Once they were passed, his eyes turned to his companion, glittering with annoyance and coming down from his fear.

"I could kill you!" Roxas growled out, walking up to stand directly in front of Axel, looking up. While most people would have had a hard time being intimidating while looking up at someone nearly a foot taller than them, Axel found that Roxas was intimidating no matter how small he was. Swallowing a bit, he grinned down at the smaller man and reached out to pat him gently on the cheek.

"Rox," he said, motioning with his hands. "We're fine. Now get that stick out of your ass and have a good time!"

Roxas' eyes widened, his breath coming in a harsh rush as he nearly lost his temper, but then he nearly instantly cooled off. It had been his experience that he had a hard time staying angry at Axel no matter what he did. Reaching out, he pushed Axel to the side, sliding in front of him to place his own hands on the wheel of the ship and glancing back over his shoulder with a small smile.

"I'd feel better with two people at the wheel if it's all the same to you," Roxas said with a indignant sniff, moving to look beyond the end of the boat. His breath caught when Axel slide up behind him, his longer arms moving out beside Roxas' own to move the wheel of the ship along with him. Somewhere in those brief seconds, where all Roxas could smell was salt water and burning embers, he felt Axel's hands slide along his, making him nearly pull away. But the warm feeling of Axel's chest against his back and the simple pleasure of having someone holding his hands calmed his fear and allowed him to enjoy the moment. Though he'd had someone hold him in his previous life, in this real body with real emotions everything seemed so much more…vibrant. It was like he'd been wearing blinders his entire prior life, though it had been no fault of his own.

"Hey," Roxas said softly, looking over his shoulder for a moment. "Let's go over there." He pointed towards a cove in the distance, leaving his hands the way they were, fingers intertwined with Axel's much longer ones as they both steered the boat. Roxas had to admit, watching the sun of Twilight Town shine on the dark water of the harbor, that he couldn't think of anywhere he'd rather have been…even if they did almost hit a boat in the process.

Twenty minutes later they had put the anchor down and had moved to the side of the boat, Roxas with his knees pulled up to his chest, staring out at the sun. Everything was quieter out here, the only sounds the lazy rocking of the boat, the waves against the rocks and the occasional cry of some random sea bird. Other than that, there was nothing. And that was honestly the way Roxas preferred it. Let Sora have his friends and his laughter, Roxas was far more content to sit in perfect silence, knowing that someone he cared for was there to sit with him.

"Are you okay?" Axel said quietly, sitting down next to the blonde after getting the boat to stop moving. He'd been watching Roxas while he moved to sit at the edge of the ship, becoming slightly worried as a somber look came over his smaller companion's face. Not understanding what could be wrong, he'd kept his distance at first, merely watching for some sign that the blonde was all right. When a tiny sigh had escaped his lips Axel had finally found whatever courage he could manage and slid up next to him, drawing one knee up to his chest and leaning his chin on it.

"You know what?" Axel said, leaning in and bumping Roxas with his shoulder, sending him reeling a bit.

"Hmm?" Roxas replied sleepily, as though he'd been awakened from a deep sleep.

"Ever since I met you," Axel said, raising an eyebrow. "I couldn't care less that I can't remember a thing about who I was before you…"

Roxas smiled, scooting just a bit closer until he could feel the warm press of their bodies where they met. Reaching out, he let his hand move over the redhead's again, nodding his agreement and attempting not to blush furiously. When he failed in that he shook his head, laughing at himself for a moment before looking up into his friend's eyes with a soft sigh. He just wasn't very good at this sort of thing, but then again he really hadn't had much practice had he? Granted, whom would he have practiced with? Did being in Sora's head count? Probably not.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"_So…this is a sunset," Roxas had said, blinking wide blue eyes at the slowly setting sun. _

_One day, while sitting in some random room of the Castle that Never Was, Roxas had been reading a particularly large book. When his eyebrows had come together in frustration, Axel had looked up from his own book, cocking his head to the side while he watched the blue eyes become more and more confused. After a few moments he had stood and moved over to the younger nobody, glancing down at the page that was opened._

"_What's wrong Roxas?" he said, trying to figure out what the other boy could have been so curious about._

"_I don't understand this page," he said, scratching at his head. "I don't get what a sunset is…what does it look like?" There was a desperation in his voice, as though he knew that he should have known what that was, but simply didn't. It was the voice of someone who was dying to walk through life, but didn't have anyone to show him the door to get in._

_Axel had sat back slightly at this, eyes widening slightly. That was right…Roxas couldn't remember anything of his previous life, and no one had bothered to actually take him anywhere he could see things like that. Biting at his bottom lip, he glanced around the room warily. If he took Roxas outside the castle, he could potentially be getting them both in a lot of trouble…but…he liked Roxas, and knowing that the other nobody was hurting (though they weren't supposed to be able to) made him feel…guilty?_

_So he decided to break the rules…just a little._

"_Come on," he said, grabbing Roxas' hand before he could protest and pulling him off the couch. "Let's get the hell out of here."_

_A few minutes later the two young men were standing at the top of a large rock, looking across the plains of a land that could only be described as…majestic. Animals of every shape and size moved lazily across the plains, the sunset making their shadows grow long and dark. Axel stood quietly, moving his glance from the slowly setting sun to the person beside him. Roxas, for his own part, looked enthralled, the light casting deep highlights in his hair and making his pale skin seem to glow. _

_Finally Roxas turned to him and smiled a very small smile, the light of the sun catching in his eyes. "Thank you," he whispered as a long lock of blonde fell over his eye. _

_Axel reached up, brushing the golden hair away with a wordless nod in reply. If he'd had a heart, he might have said that it was very…full. But of course that was silly, wasn't it? And as he lowered his hand, already regretting the moment and what could have been, he promised himself that if he ever had a chance at a moment like that again…he would do things differently._

"Do things differently…" Axel muttered, eyes slightly glazed over as he continued to stare down at Roxas. This vision, unlike the others, had been very clear, and its power compelled him to act. Though the thought and fear of the action was enough to make the vision begin to dissipate.

"What?" Roxas asked, confused.

"I promised I'd…do things differently," he replied, this time with more conviction. Eyes narrowing with determination, he reached forward, finding a familiarity when he cupped Roxas' cheek in his large hand. Tilting the younger man's head up, he was surprised when he discovered the smallest smile on Roxas' lips.

Well, if that wasn't in invitation he didn't know what was.

Cautiously, as if he wasn't sure of his welcome, he lowered his head until he was within a few inches of Roxas' own lips. When he heard Roxas' breath catch in his throat he grinned and moved further in, finally finding the younger man's lips with his own.

Roxas' initial thought had been that he was probably going to do something stupid, but he'd found that the moment that Axel's mouth pressed against his own that things seemed very…natural. True, he fumbled around a bit at first, pulling away for a breathless moment to laugh softly, but just as quickly he came back in and things had relaxed. Axel's taste was nothing like his scent, sharp and tangy, though between the two Roxas was rather certain that he was going to never be able to taste anything else ever again.

How long had he waited for this? Even when he was a nobody, he had wanted this…though he hadn't _known_ he wanted this. But some part of him must have known…

So as Roxas pulled his mouth away, biting softly on Axel's lower lip in an almost shy way, he realized that maybe things weren't working out like he'd wanted, but they were working out nonetheless. And with that thought he moved his arms up around Axel's neck, buried his fingers in the flaming red hair, and sharply pulled the taller man back to him with a throaty chuckle.

"Well it wouldn't do not to keep your promises…"


	6. Chapter 6

**Title**: The Embodiment of Emotion

**Author**: Conjure Lass

**Pairing**: Axel and Roxas

**Rating**: PG-13 to NC-17 (this is the longest story i've gone in a story without sex)

**Summary**: When Roxas is granted a new lease on life, things couldn't be better. What happens when someone comes along with the ability to change his whole life? Will he survive the experience?

**Author's Notes**: Ouch...sorry guys. This chapter is LONG. 7000+ words. The problem was that chapter six was one of those "connecting" chapters. It connects the past chapters to the future ones. It's like the middle movie in a trilogy. Unfortunately that also means that i'm not satisfied with this chapter AT ALL. But I don't have time to go back and revise it so i'll give it to you guys straight. I really hope you guys enjoy it even though I struggled to get out this chapter!

"_No one would miss me_…"

Sure he'd said that back then, but had he really meant it? At the time that he'd gone in search of the truth, he really thought that he had. But now? Now he knew better. Every moment since then he'd known that someone had missed him, and it had been proven to him over and over. The sense of guilt that ate at him over that one scene in The World That Never Was was enough to make him bury his head in his pillow and suffocate himself…but of course that was just the angst talking.

That or the overwhelming pain that was wracking his body…either one.

A week had passed since Axel and he had sat together on 10,000 Needles, and Roxas lay in his bed late at night, thinking about this very subject, or at least doing his best to think about it. It was starting to get hard to do much of anything past feeling the burning in his lungs and the sweat rolling down his forehead. Every second that passed was like hell as he tried without success to draw more than a shallow breath. At first he'd thought it would pass like the last spasm had, but the longer it went on the more afraid he got, until finally he was clutching at his pillow while he practically coughed his lungs up onto the sheets.

Rolling over and gasping as he did, he tried to think about something else, drawing the happiest things he could into his brain. His mind instantly trained on green eyes and a brilliant red head, making him smile despite the violent shudders that were beginning to consume his body. It was like everything was shutting down, like someone had flipped a switch in his body and turned off all his internal organs. After a few more minutes not even the pleasant thoughts of his best friend were enough to draw his mind away from the pain.

And that's when it started.

The coughs started small, just like they had before, but this time instead of growing and then stopping they just never seemed to stop. Over and over he felt his whole body shake, each time finding that it was harder and harder to draw in a breath. Towards the end he was wheezing between each racking cough, his fingers digging into the pillow so hard that his knuckles were turning white. Not knowing what else to do, he opened his eyes and tried to sit up, staring towards the bathroom with the sneaking suspicion that he'd never make it to the sink.

It was then that something caught his attention from the corner of his eye, drawing his gaze over to his pillow where his head had just been. Blood. There was blood all over his pillow…what the hell?! His hand instantly flew up to his mouth, and it was only then that he tasted the sweet metallic tang of copper that was dripping from his lips down onto his lap. It was no surprise when he drew his hand away to find it candy-coated in blood, his eyes growing wide with each passing tick of the clock.

"Fuck…" he muttered, his hand reaching for his small device that was sitting on his bedside table. It was a small flat ellipse of glass filled with a turquoise liquid that you put up to your ear and spoke into. All you had to do was think about whom you wished to speak to and the liquid on the inside would glow brightly on both your and the person you wished to speak to sphere, and you'd pick it up and talk. It was convenient.

Especially when you felt like you were about to die.

"Axel," he muttered weakly, holding the device in his hand shakily and leaning his forehead against it. Axel was the first person he could think of, the only one he really wanted at that precise moment. For a brief instant the liquid inside began to glow, signifying that it was trying to make a magical connection with the same device in Axel's possession. But the more Roxas concentrated, the less the liquid seemed to glow, until finally it fell from his numbing fingertips to smash into a thousand pieces onto the floor. Roxas watched, entranced, as the turquoise goo spread into a puddle on the floor, his vision becoming a tunnel as he stared.

Everything was fading…and then…there was nothing…

The next morning Axel walked up to Roxas' front door with a smile on his face, his art case securely under his arm as waited somewhat less than patiently for the younger man to open the door. He hadn't seen Roxas in almost two days, having had to finish up another smaller commission before working on his and Sora's again. He'd told Roxas that he would be here as early in the morning as he could manage without falling over dead from exhaustion, as Axel had never been the best at waking up early. Bouncing on the balls of his feet, his eyebrows started to come together in concern when no one came to answer the doorbell.

What was going on?

Finally getting annoyed enough that he didn't really care, he let his hand move to the doorknob and gave it an experimental turn, finding it unlocked. With that he poked his head in the doorway and looked around, not hearing anything but finding signs that there were people here. With that he pushed it the rest of the way open, walking into the foyer and glancing towards the kitchen.

"Hello?" he called, hearing the small sound of movement from further within the house. "Hello…is anyone here?"

His eyes widened when Sora rounded the corner of the kitchen, looking as though he hadn't slept all night and had been weeping openly for at least an hour. Axel stopped dead in his tracks, glancing around, suddenly worried. Now that he really thought about it, there was something very wrong with the way the house felt. Usually when Axel would enter the house (admittedly he'd only done it a few times, but he knew what was normal) there was a sense of life there. You could _feel_ Roxas around, or you could hear him, but now there was nothing. It felt almost cold, as though Roxas hadn't been there in hours.

"What's wrong?" he said softly, his fingers digging into his art case and slowly kneading it. "What happened?"

Sora merely shook his head, putting his hand up before giving Axel wide eyes. "Look, don't worry about it. You have enough to worry about…just…go home. We can't work on the painting today, so there's really no reason for you to be here…"

"Like hell there isn't!" Axel exclaimed, taking two steps forward, his eyes glittering with the beginnings of anger. "What the fuck are you talking about? Where's Roxas?"

Sora stepped back, his eyes widening with something akin to shock. Axel was slightly surprised at his own reaction as well, but that didn't stop him from crossing his arms across his chest and glaring at the younger man. Sora and Roxas were very close, so it must have been rather obvious why Axel would give a damn what happened to the winsome blonde. Steeling himself for a possible battle, Axel began to watch as a trickle of sweat rolled down Sora's temple.

It was getting hotter…literally hotter…

"Axel," Sora's voice was full of warning, his hand clenching at his side. He had the look of someone who was very close to being pushed past their point of non-threatening behavior. But that didn't stop Axel from stepping forward again, little pops and flickers of fire erupting around him, though he didn't notice them. His eyes were all for the mahogany haired man in front of him.

"I won't ask you again," Axel said, his voice lowering. His finger twitched, sending glittering sparks to the floor as Sora stared at him dumbfounded. This was the first time he'd felt the damn fire and not been afraid of it. If anything, it made him feel better to finally have some kind of relief from the pressure that the fire made inside himself. It was like it waited behind some large damn within him, waiting for him to set it free.

"Don't…threaten…Sora," he heard from his right. He'd been so preoccupied with Sora that he hadn't even heard Riku sneak up beside him, some kind of wicked sword raised up towards his head while the silver-haired man's eyes narrowed with a cold sort of anger. Everything about the man was cold, though it was a fake kind of chill that never quite consumed his eyes all the way…there was always a spark of life and heat behind the moods.

Axel turned, putting his index finger on the end of the blade, cutting slightly into his skin and watching as a small trail of blood welled up and ran down his hand like a stream. "Tell me what I want to know and this ends now," he murmured, his eyebrow twitching, sending another round of sparks down to the floor. "Even if you don't tell me, I'm going to find him anyway. Won't it be easier if you just share your secrets and avoid this little…confrontation?"

Axel was, for his part, surprised at his own actions. In the entire time that he'd been in Twilight Town, he'd never had this sort of feeling about himself. He felt powerful. Almost as though he _knew _that if there was going to be some sort of fight that he could easily defend himself…if not kick a little ass in the process. It made him unafraid of the stupid looking wingy blade being shoved in his face, and gave him a feeling of slight…superiority?

A wash of emotions seemed to go over Sora's face. One instant he was violently angry and the next he seemed very somber. Lowering his eyes to the floor, he kicked at some invisible substance before finally looking back up at Axel. It was only then that Axel finally noticed the obvious worry and trouble written all over Sora's face. Sure, he looked like he'd been crying a few minutes ago, but the actual reason why he'd been crying hadn't really sunk into Axel's brain yet. Taking a deep breath, Sora put his hand up to Riku's arm and forced the taller teen to lower his weapon.

"He's at the old mansion," Sora said, his voice quivering. "If you go there you can see him…"

Without another word Axel turned and left, remembering the old mansion from some story that Lulu had told him a few weeks prior. It only took him a little while to get there, skidding to a halt in front of the gates that were locked tightly shut. Raising an eyebrow, he looked around curiously. How to get in? In the distance he could see two figures at the doors of the mansion, a strange small fluffy figure and and even weirder dog-like figure. Blinking a few times as though he were imagining things, Axel cocked his head to the side and decided that some things were better left unanswered.

But that didn't mean that he felt like fighting with them either.

So, with that thought in mind, a stealthier plan began to form, which started with getting over the large iron fence that was blocking his way. Taking a deep breath, he grabbed onto the large metal poles, pulling himself up to the top of the pointy shafts at the top before attempting to lower himself down the other side. He cussed when the sharp metal scratched down his leg, nearly ripping his pants in the process but somehow managing to spare them. He could see why no one wanted to break into this place when it was so hard to get in.

"Damn it." He shook his arm a little bit once he made it to the other side. Without warning he lurched forward, grabbing at his head and shaking it violently. Voices…he could hear voices in his head. Loud. Different than the visions he'd been having that were like gentle water on a sandy shore, this was like crashing waves beating against a rocky cliff, ripping away at the fabric of the structure.

"_Let's meet again…in the next life_…"

Axel felt the great need to be sick, his body responding violently to the pulsing stress in his head. That was his own voice, but the voice that responded wasn't…that was…Roxas.

"_Yeah…I'll be waiting_…"

As the voices began to fade again, leaving Axel feeling rather empty and drained, he whispered with his eyes closed. "Silly…just because you have a next life…"

But he didn't know where the words came from…

Deciding that he didn't have time to worry about something like that (not that he really knew what was going on anyway), he ran as quickly as he could towards the back of the mansion, taking a glance at the two "guardians" at the door as he did. Just as he'd suspected, that really _was _a duck. And that really _was _a…dog…thing. Allowing himself one quiet moment to wonder just what the hell those things were, he finally turned away and wandered to where he thought a back door would be.

No such luck.

After a few seconds of cussing out fate and its harsh demands on his ingenuity, he looked up towards the tall windows that seemed to reach all the way to the roof of the house. Grinning, he realized that those were skylights, and that if he was really lucky that he could somehow manage to break into the house through them. No problem, he thought to himself, moving to grab at some old vines that were growing all the way from the ground to the top eaves of the house. Tugging on them to make sure that they'd hold his weight, he began to climb, glancing down at the grass below.

"I hope you appreciate the things I do for you," he said, noticing that the vines were beginning to…bend just a little more than they had previously. Eyes widening with the obviousness of what was about to happen, he merely sighed at his own misfortune as he plummeted to the dirt ten feet below, laying there for a moment as the shock of the fall resonated through every bone in his body. As he stared up at the cloudy sky above (it looked like it could snow or something) he realized how absolutely ridiculous this was. And yet, at the same time, the thought that Roxas was somewhere inside this brick fortress was enough to make him get back up and try again, this time making sure that the vines didn't decide to break before he'd reached the roof.

Once he reached the skylight, he looked down into the house below, noticing a skinny ladder that was attached to the wall near the window. It must have been put on the wall intentionally as a way for people to get to the window to either open it or clean it. The only problem seemed to be that it was locked from the outside, a heavy metal lock holding the glass door shut. Axel's first reaction was to simply break the glass, but then after rethinking it he realized that he didn't want to draw that much attention to himself. He wanted to be able to see Roxas…not fight his way through the house in an attempt to get to Roxas.

So what to do now?

Breathless moments passed as Axel tried to come to some kind of conclusion about the situation, tapping his foot in annoyance at his own indecisiveness. The more he thought about it, the more bothered he became, until finally he moved his finger down to the metal object and narrowed his eyes. With everything he had, he willed the fire to come to life. He knew that it was simply in repose, just below the surface, waiting to appear. He could feel it every time that the world seemed silent and still, like a constant warm pressure built up beneath his skin. It was there, and all he had to do was find the way to bring it to life without burning either him or the entire house down.

"Come on," he muttered, eyes closing with his concentration. His heart was beating faster, the air around him crackling and heating up though he wasn't bothered by it. He wasn't even breaking a sweat, and he knew the area surrounding him had to be bordering a hundred degrees. "Please, I want to see Roxas…"

With that he reached his hand out quickly, letting his palm wrap around the lock without looking. Biting at his bottom lip so hard that it bled slightly, he finally felt what he'd been waiting for, the 'whoosh' of a starting fire, and the slow melting of the metal object within his fingers. Smiling widely, he looked down to see the iron going limp in his fingers, the fire so hot that it allowed Axel to literally pull the softened metal off of the window with little to no effort and leave it in a gooey puddle on the roof.

Now the only problem was getting the fire to turn off.

"Okay, um," he said, shaking his hand which was encased in white-blue flames back and forth in an attempt to get rid of it. "You can turn off now. I don't need you anymore. Um…bye!"

And it left…just like that. Though this time Axel knew he could call it again with less of a problem. All he'd needed was to open the door for himself and he could remember how to do it again. As he moved down the ladder on the side of the wall, coming to rest on the cold white floor below, he glanced around wondering where Roxas had been taken. Sighing, he ran his hand through his hair and began his search, knowing that it probably wouldn't take long at all.

And somewhere deeper inside the mansion…

"Why are you praying for me?"

He'd opened his eyes only a few minutes ago, his first sight having been the three good fairies who had taken up praying by his bedside, their heads bowed and no sound coming from their mouths as they prayed. When Roxas had found himself back at the mansion (he could tell those ugly metal walls anywhere) he'd been only mildly surprised. He could remember the last few moments before he'd passed out and he knew that there had to have been something wrong. Now, as he stared up at Yen Sid who was busying himself, eyes closed, with some kind of spell, Roxas knew that things definitely weren't good.

"Answer me," Roxas said, sitting up and coughing slightly, causing Fauna to look up from her prayers and a little round hand on his forehead, forcing him to lay back on the pillows again. If he'd had a little more energy, Roxas might have protested more, but even something as simple as sitting up had nearly exhausted him to the point that he was breathing heavily. Why was everything so hard to see? Why couldn't he breath right? What was going on?

And why wouldn't Yen Sid just fucking answer the question?!

"He's casting spells upon you," Roxas heard from beside him, turning his eyes to the doorway where Merlin walked in with his long stick in his hands. Of the two, Roxas definitely liked Merlin better, as he didn't look so scary and arrogant. Not to mention Roxas had some memories of being in Sora's head at the "oh my god, we won the battle" party at Hollow Bastion. Merlin had been wearing Bermuda shorts…bright yellow ones with little red birds on them. Ooooo sexy…

"Spells?"

"Yes," he sat down beside Roxas on a small chair, crossing his arms and looking at the blonde in a scrutinizing way. It was only then that Roxas caught a look at himself in a nearby mirror, gasping slightly at the paleness of his skin and how shaky he looked. Merlin noticed his reaction and drew his attention away from it, patting Roxas' leg gently as he took a deep breath. Inwardly the younger man cringed, knowing that when someone took a deep breath it generally meant that the oncoming discussion would neither be pleasant or easy.

"Roxas," Merlin began, pulling at his long beard. "You should know that you're not well."

"Well yeah," Roxas said, raising a pale eyebrow. "I kind of coughed up blood. That made me assume all was not well in the land of Roxas."

Merlin laughed softly at that, shaking his head before looking up at Roxas again. The look alone made the blonde nervous. It was that sort of look you gave someone when you knew something terrible about them but didn't want to say, that you were keeping some big secret. It was the sort of look you gave someone when you knew they were going to die or when someone already _had _died. It made Roxas almost physically nauseous to see that look on Merlin's face.

"No, I don't think you quite grasp the…gravity of the situation." He reached forward, grabbing Roxas' forearm. "This body, this body we gave you…it may be failing you. We're doing everything we can to save it, but…it could die."

Roxas leaned backward, drawing his arm from the wizard's grasp with a short sniff. Somehow he should have known that this would happen…things were just going far too well weren't they? He felt his skin getting hotter with his instant anger, shaking his head over and over as he attempted to clear his mind of the thought of being dead. But then again, Merlin hadn't said that Roxas himself would die, had he? No, he'd simply said the body would die.

And that made Roxas very suspicious.

"You don't have to die Roxas," Merlin said comfortingly. "We'll just put you back into Sora until we've perfected another body for you…one that won't fail…"

"No."

Merlin had been about to go on about the general plan when Roxas had interrupted him. His eyes were glittering and wet with an emotion that was somewhere between fury and indignation, sitting up exceptionally straight (no matter how tired he was) and looking down at the Wizard who was staring back at him with shocked eyes. There would be no more discussion, as Roxas wouldn't have ever changed his mind anyway.

"There's no way in hell that I'm going back into him," Roxas said, his voice low and gravely. At these words he felt Yen Sid's eyes open, the elder wizard looking at the scene in front of him with curious eyes, but remained silent. "So you can keep your plans to yourself and just heal me as best you can…"

"Roxas," Yen Sid said finally, drawing both Roxas and Merlin's attention towards him. "You realize that if you do not go back to Sora, if this body perishes…so will you…"

"You'll die Roxas," Merlin agreed, laying his hand on Roxas' shoulder. "There won't be another chance for this…"

"I don't care!" Roxas exclaimed suddenly, pulling away with a gasping breath that made him hunch over with his hand to his chest. Everything felt like it was spinning, like his whole body was falling apart piece by piece without any warning. Licking at his suddenly dry lips, he glared up at the pair of wizards who were looking at him with such pity. "My heart is here," he pointed to his chest, willing them to understand. "Here and nowhere else. I'm not just a Nobody. I'm me."

Fauna came up, putting her arm around Roxas' shoulder and squeezing it, causing the young man to look up at her with as much of a smile as he could manage. "They know that dear," she said in her lilting voice. "But that doesn't make it any easier to take…"

Turning back to the sorcerers, he sighed and smiled very softly. There was no way to make them understand what this felt like. None at all. Years he'd spent inside of Sora's head after their rejoining, feeling restless and unhappy. Sure, rejoining with his Other had made him whole, but with that feeling of completeness came the deep desire to become himself. Himself and no one else. It had always seemed very ironic to him that the very thing that was supposed to bring them together forever…had actually made them more of individuals, thereby tearing them apart.

"This is my choice," he said, nodding slowly. "I won't go back."

It was those final words that Axel heard from outside the door, standing in the hallway, his eyes widening as they bounced off the metal walls of the basement. He hadn't been standing there long, but it had been just long enough to hear everything that he needed to know and a lot of things he didn't. Roxas…couldn't die. For some reason a wild anger began to rise up in Axel's heart, not anger at the blonde but anger at fate in general. Though he'd only known him for a little while, it seemed as though somehow they were being cheated out of some predetermined destiny. It seemed like they were being punished.

"Very well Roxas," a man in a long blue robe said, leaving the room and beginning to come down the hallway, his eyes averted to the floor. Axel, not knowing what else to do, jumped behind a tall statue standing beside the wall, hoping against hope that he wouldn't be discovered. Though he would have fought to stay, he rather liked the thought of not having to worry about it. He just wanted to see Roxas with as little fuss as possible.

That thought in mind, he crept down towards the door once the man had passed by, listening for any signs that someone else was inside other than Roxas himself. When no sounds came (not even Roxas) he took a deep breath and put his palm flat against the door, closing his eyes in a silent prayer that this would work out. His young friend had many moods, and sometimes it was hard to tell which one would actually surface. But that was actually part of what Axel liked about him…he was never dull…always changing.

Roxas reminded him of a river…or a fire…he wasn't sure which yet.

The door opened silently, Axel popping his head in. At first he didn't see anyone, not even Roxas, so he flung the door open. His mouth fell open when he was greeted with not one pair of eyes but five. There was another old man in a dress and three little plump ladies with huge hips…and they had wings. Glancing around like a caged animal, a smile lit up his face when he laid eyes on Roxas who was grinning and sitting straight up in bed (though the effort seemed like it was tiring him).

"Axel!" Roxas said, shocked. In the confusion of the morning he had forgotten that Axel was supposed to have come to work on the painting. Now that he was there, Roxas couldn't help but wonder how he'd known to find him there. After pondering it for a few moments (it had to have been Sora) he decided that it didn't really matter and attempted to sit up in bed. The strain of it caused him to wheeze a bit, forcing him back onto the bed while the fairies came back up to the bed to attend to him.

"Look what you've done!" Merriweather cried, moving up to Axel and looking up at him. "You haven't changed at all! Leave! Now!"

Axel began to back up, hands moving up to protect himself from the little attacks of the saucy woman in front of him. He really didn't want to have to hurt her, but he wasn't going to leave either. Glaring across the room at the still-silent sorcerer, he pointed down at the woman in blue.

"Call her off!" Axel said, feeling the room heat up with his words. "Call her off or I'll burn this whole room to the ground."

"Enough Merriweather," Yen Sid said, putting his hand up and standing very slowly. Without another word he began to walk towards the door, motioning with his hand for the three fairies to follow him which they did without hesitation or argument. Pausing in the doorway, he glanced at Axel and smiled, reaching out and patting the redhead on the shoulder before going out the door and down the hall. The one in red closed the door behind her, but not before giving Axel what could only be described as a death glare. But finally, after what seemed like hours of waiting, he was alone with Roxas.

Roxas had been amazed to see Axel walk through the door, prompting the only moments of happiness he'd had that day. Biting at his bottom lip, he found himself without any words, knowing that he'd probably worried Axel to the point of being sick. He lifted his head slightly, not able to do much more, clearing his throat and smiling gently as Axel walked up to the side of the bed, looking down at him as though he were about to break

"How did you know where I was?" he finally asked, feeling his face get a little red when Axel looked down at him and reached out, brushing his sticky hair from his forehead.

"Sora told me, of course," Axel replied, shrugging lightly. He sat down on the side of Roxas' bed, softly brushing his fingers over and over the pale skin of Roxas' forehead, delighting in the small shiver that rushed through the blonde in response. Roxas wasn't looking very good, but Axel still thought he was gorgeous, though the paleness of his skin and the light purple rings under his eyes were a dead giveaway as to just how sick the boy actually was. "Rox…are you okay?"

"Don't worry about me!" Roxas exclaimed, his smile becoming wider as he attempted to calm his friend's fear. "I'm just not feeling well, you didn't have to go breaking and entering."

"Rox!" Axel said, putting his hand up to his chest with his pinky finger raised, his voice coming out very high. "I would break into Disney Castle with a spoon and a ziplock bag if it meant that I could see you for ten minutes." Axel cocked his head to the side at his own words, wondering where the hell Disney Castle actually was and how he had known about it to begin with. Shaking his head to forget about it, he sighed and leaned forward, letting his lips brush along Roxas' cheek where they lingered as he spoke.

"I'm serious Rox," he murmured, smiling when Roxas moved his eyes to him. "I couldn't just let you be in here all alone…"

Roxas merely closed his eyes and smiled, turning his head so that it was nestled in the crook of Axel's neck, breathing in the lingering smell of fire and smoke. He'd been surprised to hear the redhead talk about Disney Castle, it giving him a warm feeling inside. Roxas was convinced that somewhere inside his friend were all his locked away memories, and all it would take was the key to unlock them. And even if he could never use the Keyblade again (he hadn't really tried) he wouldn't stop until he had found some way to truly set them free.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, Axel eventually finding it uncomfortable to simply bend over Roxas and moving to lay beside him. Roxas looked as though he had fallen asleep, his golden eyelashes fanning over his unusually pale cheeks. Axel felt tears well up again at the thought of Roxas not being around, not really wanting to bring up what he'd overheard but knowing he probably should. If he didn't, than he'd wonder later on…and that wouldn't be fair to anybody.

"Hey," he started, taking a deep breath when Roxas opened his eyes. "I…I was standing outside while you were talking and…I heard you say something about…"

Roxas felt his breath hitch when Axel spoke, looking down at his shirt and letting his fingers clamp onto the front. He hadn't meant for him to hear that, but then he hadn't known the older boy was actually in the hallway at all. Now Roxas had a serious dilemma…tell Axel the truth and risk him asking more or just ignore the question and pretend he hadn't asked. Pushing his lips together in thought, he finally decided to simply tell Axel as much information as was necessary to answer the question without going into any real detail.

He reached his hand out, putting it against Axel's nose to silence him. "Look…none of this is going to make sense, but trust me its nothing if not truthful."

"I used to…live…mentally…inside Sora," he said, his face scrunching up in an effort to really explain the situation without going over Axel's head. "I was still me, but my mind was linked to his. We aren't brothers, not really, but we're as close to family as you can get without having the same mother. Though we…kind of do have the same mother…I guess…"

"Wait, wait!" Axel said, his eyes narrowing with confusion. What the hell was Roxas talking about? How exactly did one mind live inside of another? How did all that start to begin with? The more he thought about it, the more his head started to hurt, until finally it was like a sharp axe was being shoved into his temple every time he tried to wrap his head around what Roxas was saying. And yet, as crazy as the whole idea sounded, Axel knew it wasn't a lie. Something inside of him told him that though it sounded farfetched, that it was absolutely truth…and it might have had more to do with him than he'd ever imagined.

"So what you're telling me is that at one point you were…like a spirit or something?"

Roxas laughed, snuggling gently into Axel's chest as he rubbed his cheek on the soft fabric of his shirt. "I guess you could say that. And now I have this new body here…pretty keen huh?"

Axel nodded, drawing Roxas closer with a soft sigh. He might not have understood, but he didn't feel like asking anymore questions either. His curiosity was partially sated anyway. As he felt the smaller boy in his arms breath, he closed his eyes and concentrated on the way that the moment felt. Everything seemed to be slowing down, as though they were in some kind of bubble that was at once stifling and outstandingly liberating. All at once he felt Roxas' heartbeat along with his own, the soft hum of the heater in the corner of the room, the breath of some sweetly sour smell that reminded him of oranges coming up from the blonde's hair. It was all enough to make him never want to move…

And then he remembered…Roxas might die…and this moment might never come again…

"Axel?" Roxas questioned, raising his head with effort. He had felt the taller man tense suddenly, rousing him from his contentment. Sleep had nearly been upon him, his mind feeling safe and secure for what had to be the first time in his entire existence. Back in The World that Never Was when he was a nobody, he had never felt secure and at peace, the lingering darkness always an ever present shadow over his troubled mind. Even the thought of death wasn't really enough to make him truly insecure at that moment, which probably said something about the state of his sanity but that was a discussion for another time.

"Axel are you okay?"

It had been the unfamiliar sensation of his face being wet that had startled him so badly. One instant he had been thinking about Roxas dying and the next he'd begun to feel the hot liquid sliding down his face, making him tense up and eventually jump back just a little. What was that? Shaking his head in confusion, he reached his hand up slowly to the source of the feeling, his hand brushing along his cheeks only to come away with…tears? His eyes widening, he realized that in all the time he could remember he had never cried, in fact, when he really thought about it he couldn't remember what this felt like at all. Even his heart didn't remember it…

"What the fuck?" he murmured, looking down at the clear liquid that littered his fingers. "I can't remember the last time I…"

His sentence was cut off as Roxas reached up (with great effort) and grabbed his hand, drawing it to his face where he proceeded to rub the tears across his own cheek, drying Axel's fingers off. Roxas had nearly cried himself upon seeing the redhead cry, knowing that he was in fact the source of the pain. Biting at his bottom lip with a sense of deep responsibility, he laced his fingers through Axel's and held on, determined to ease the suffering of his older companion.

"Not for me," Roxas said, his voice determined. "Don't waste these on me…I don't need them."

"But…"

"No buts!" Roxas exclaimed, a small laugh on his words. "I don't need them! I'm not going to die or anything…I'm just a little sick. Don't go worrying about me, okay?"

Axel's body relaxed while Roxas watched, a small smile playing across his face. Roxas nodded resolutely, knowing that he wasn't lying about what he said. He wasn't going to die…he wasn't. The more he thought about it the more real it became, until he was absolutely certain that he wasn't going to die. But there was one thing that had bothered him…

"I was so scared when I couldn't breath…and no one was there," he murmured, his cheek pressed against Axel's chest. "I tried to call you, but I kind of passed out before I could finish the spell..."

A deep breath shuddered in Roxas' chest, tears welling up in his own eyes that he refused to let fall. Blinking rapidly to keep them in, he licked at his suddenly dry lips and tried to find the right words to say. When none seemed to be coming he sighed, going slightly limp in his friend's embrace, bumping his forehead against Axel's shirt in an attempt to force the words to form. Why was it that when you really needed to say something that nothing would ever come? Was it always going to be this difficult to find the right words with his best friend around?

"I don't want to be alone," he said finally, knowing the words weren't enough.

"You aren't alone…I'm right here," Axel replied, confused at Roxas' words. One of the most incredible things about the blonde was this sense of mystery that he had around him, the way that his eyes seemed to keep secrets no matter what he was saying. He could have said that it looked like it could rain outside and somehow that one statement would seem very mysterious and deep. Unfortunately at moments like this it made his true feelings almost impossible to figure out, causing Axel's head to begin to hurt again.

Why couldn't things just be simple for five minutes?

"Not now," Roxas snapped, taking a deep breath as if to calm himself. "I mean…at home. I'm afraid to go home. What if it happens again?"

All at once Axel understood, drawing the small blonde impossibly closer and nuzzling at the top of his head. "Hey, hey," Axel murmured, spitting out little pieces of Roxas' spiky hair that had gotten caught in his mouth. How romantic. "How about this. I'll stay with you until you're all better…that way you won't have to worry. How's that?"

Roxas looked up, raising a playful eyebrow at Axel and poking him in the middle of the chest. "Personally, I think you just want to live in my house…what, do you think you'll catch me in a towel or something? This isn't a soap opera, pal…"

With that they both laughed, Roxas agreeing to the arrangement. It didn't sound so bad to have Axel live with him, having someone else around the house other than himself. Well…Sora was always in the house too (god knows he never left for more than a night before coming to bug Roxas again) but that didn't count. They sat talking for a few more minutes, Roxas telling Axel where the spare key to the house was, telling him not to forget to feed the hamster, and generally just being in a better mood.

"I'm sorry to interrupt," they heard from the doorway, blue and green eyes both shooting to the sound of the disturbance. "But Roxas needs his rest…you've had more than enough time to chat at this point, hmm?"

Yen Sid stood in the doorway, a small silver tray of items in his hands. Glass bottles with glowing liquid rocked gently as he walked further into the room, a small cauldron sitting in the center of the tray. Roxas could only assume he was going to be making some kind of potion, as he sat down at the table on the opposite wall and began pouring in a few items, stirring with a long crystal spoon each time one item was added. Roxas watched as puffs of multi-colored smoke rose from the bowl, making the air smell vaguely of magic, but mostly of brownies. Who knew that healing magic smelled like baked goods?

"I'm going to go now babe," Axel said, nuzzling Roxas cheek with his nose and grinning slightly. "But you'd better get well soon so that I don't have to live in your house by myself. I mean, how is the painting going to get done when you look like death warmed over?"

"Ow!" Axel complained, standing up after being smacked soundly on the side of the head by Roxas. "You should be thrilled that I'm still going to live with you after this kind of abuse. Do you abuse Sora like this too?"

"No, you're just special. And I mean that in the 'I like to lick windows' sort of way."

Axel rolled his eyes, moving towards the door, but not before kissing Roxas gently on the cheek, grinning at the glare he received from the old sorcerer. "Now look," he said, looking at the old man. "When Roxas is okay to come home you need to call me. Got it memorized?"

With that he walked out the door, the soft click echoing through the room as Roxas sat back on his bed and smiled. Yen Sid merely sighed and went back to his work, not bothering to watch as Roxas cuddled more securely into his blankets with a happy smile.

Things seemed to be looking up, though at first it seemed like they never would. Even if he wouldn't go back into Sora's mind, thereby giving into his final death, he now felt like he had a little bit more to live for. In fact, he had a lot more to live for. With that thought in mind he laid back on the pillows and closed his eyes, wrapping himself around his pillow and giving into his exhaustion.

He, after all, had some getting better to do. If only to see his hamster…

Them's my goods for the day folks. Expect another chapter on Turkey Day!!

Cherry


	7. Chapter 7

**Title**: The Embodiment of Emotion

**Author**: Conjure Lass

**Rating**: PG-13 to NC-17 (I'm teasing you in this chapter and for that i'm sorry)

**Summary**: When Roxas is granted a new lease on life, things couldn't be better. But what happens when someone comes along who could change his new life forever? Will he survive to enjoy the experience? Find out!

**Author's Notes**: Okay, so I said that the next chapter would be out tomorrow and I lied. This chapter consumed me. I had originally intended for this chapter to be connected to the next, but after discovering that this chapter alone was 6000 words I decided to break things up in a different way. There is still only going to be ten chapters but this chapter is standing alone. I LOVE THIS CHAPTER. I think of all of them, this one made me squee in fangirlish joy.

The clicking of a cane on the ground was the only sound on the empty street as Roxas made his way slowly towards the house, his small suitcase in his hands. It had taken a good two weeks, but he was finally going home. In an effort to be slightly sneaky and surprise Axel he had told Merlin to not inform the fiery redhead of when he'd be able to come home, letting Roxas get there on his own. Of course, they'd wanted to accompany him back home but he'd refused, grabbing the slick black cane that Yen Sid had offered (he wouldn't have to use it forever, but it looked cool for now) and made his way out of the mansion.

God it felt good to get out of that basement. Of course he was grateful to the two wizards for helping him and saving his life, but that didn't mean that he had to enjoy being entombed in that metal basement for days on end. It had been the sweetest thing in the entire world to feel the sharp bite of the cool late-autumn air on his skin as he walked out the front doors of the huge place. He couldn't wait to get back to his own small little house on the corner of two streets.

Not to mention having someone to go home _to_ was pretty damn sweet too…

Pausing at the front door, he took a moment to look down at himself, brushing off his pants and shirt in an effort not to look like he'd just spent the majority of the last three weeks in a basement. With that and a deep breath he put his hand on the doorknob and twisted, peeking his head in the door with a smile. The house smelled of burning wood and heat, though Roxas could tell that wasn't all from Axel. The sounds of logs crackling in the living room floated through the air as well. Pushing the door the rest of the way open, his smile grew when he looked down to see a pair of boots sitting by the front door, their shoelaces tangled and unkempt.

"Axel?" he called, putting his suitcase down and looking around. He moved into the foyer, still glancing around for the taller man. When no sound was forthcoming he walked further into the house, not stopping until he'd reached the kitchen. His eyes lit up when he saw Axel bending over the stove, so absorbed with whatever he was doing that he'd neither heard Roxas come into the house or into the room. His hair was let loose from the long ponytail that he usually wore, the locks sticking in every different direction in a way that reminded Roxas of how he looked when he was a nobody. He was wearing a bright blue shirt that was unbuttoned over loose-fitting gray sweatpants with the drawstrings (was there any other way to wear them? Elastic sucked.) hanging long.

Perfect.

Without a word he slowly walked into the room, climbing (with more effort than he probably should have been giving) onto the island in the middle of the room and crawled up behind Axel on his hands and knees. Once he was dead center in the island he sat down indian-style, putting his cane in his lap and waiting for the obvious surprise that was soon to be coming. It took a few minutes, but eventually he watched an obvious tenseness move into Axel's shoulders, the redhead looking over his shoulder slowly and nervously.

Wide green eyes met his own and his mouth hung open. "Roxas!" he exclaimed, arms flailing around slightly, whatever liquid that was on his spoon flinging around the room in little splatters and puddles. "When did you? Why didn't they? I was going to…you're home!!"

"I'm home!" Roxas agreed, throwing open his arms with a happy laugh. Axel instantly took that as an invitation, climbing up onto the island and throwing his arms around Roxas, knocking them both backwards onto the counter below. They ended up in a tangle of limbs, Axel securely on top of the smaller blonde, both staring at the other like they wanted to say something but didn't know what. Roxas' hand, cane still in his palm, moved up around Axel's neck, fingernails running delicately over the skin he found there.

"They should have told me you were coming home," Axel said, his voice coming out hushed as though they were trying not to be heard. "I wanted to have a surprise for you." He gasped when he felt one of Roxas legs move outward, bringing them into more contact than they'd been before. This was bad…very bad. Not that he wasn't enjoying it, his fingers moving down Roxas' cheek while the teen shuddered underneath him…no, he really _liked_ that. The problem was that Roxas wasn't well and this probably wasn't the best idea in the entire world. Self-control…self-control now!

With that he jumped off of the smaller boy like he'd been burned, his breathing harder than he would have liked it to be and giving away what he'd been thinking. Roxas merely smiled, shaking his head slowly back and forth while he sat back up and looked at Axel with a patience expression. Axel crossed his arms over his chest, pursing his lips and glaring at the blue-eyed boy with a look that was supposed to be serious but somehow failed.

"Did you walk all the way home?" Axel inquired, suddenly noticing the cane in Roxas hand. "You should have called me."

"I was fine," Roxas said with an airy wave of his hand. Sliding down off of the island, careful not to lose his footing, he leaned back against the counter. "I needed the walk anyway. I was stir crazy."

Roxas watched as a hundred different emotions filtered across Axel's face, from worry to anger to affection, finally settling on a mixture of the last and some playfulness. Roxas had known this would be Axel's reaction, which was part of the reason he had done it in the first place. On some level he really enjoyed pushing the older man's buttons, finding simple pleasures in being a complete pain in the ass to the one person in the world who seemed to actually enjoy it. Then again, Roxas often found himself snickering inwardly at some of the things that Axel did to intentionally get on Roxas' nerves. It had always been that way…even back in The World That Never Was.

"Well, fine," Axel said, raising a thin eyebrow to Roxas. "If you're so healed and stuff than maybe I should just go home and leave you here."

"No!" Roxas said, clearing his throat. "I mean, I'm not that well. I just…wanted to take a walk is all. I mean, I don't want you to…leave." With that he gave a few little fake coughs, grinning at Axel angelically before glancing over at the pot on the stove. It was bubbling in a really unattractive way, the contents spilling over onto the white stove below. Roxas didn't know what Axel had been making but it didn't sound appetizing in the least.

"Don't worry," Axel said, taking a step back when Roxas answered his teasing with such fervor. Grinning widely, he leaned in and brushed his nose along Roxas cheek until he'd found his ear where he placed a delicate kiss behind the lobe. Voice coming out low and deep, he whispered in Roxas' ear, delighting in the way the younger man's breath hitched. "I'm not going anywhere. Your house feels more like home than mine ever did."

"Mmmkay," Roxas purred softly, giving Axel a look of impatience when he pulled away and went back to the stove, glancing back at Roxas for a moment. Raising a curious eyebrow, the blonde moved to stand beside his friend, looking down at the saucepan in which the suspicious liquid had been brought from. His eyebrow rose even more upon seeing the actual stuff, wondering why it was such an odd shade of browish-purple and wondering if he was really going to be expected to eat it. Pursing his lips together, he poked Axel's shoulder with a smile.

"Um, I'm not trying to be mean but…what is that?"

Axel glanced at him, a small hint of color spreading along his cheeks as he tapped the spoon to the side of the pot. Laughing a few times, he shook his head. "Honestly I have no idea," he said, shrugging. "I put a few things in the pan here and kind of stirred it around. Why, do you want some?"

Roxas grimaced and took a step back, putting his hands up as if defending himself from a physical blow. He began shaking his head violently as Axel turned around, brandishing a large spoonful of the stuff in front of him. It had an odd color about it and smelled very…weird…and Roxas was so not going to try that shit. His eyes widened when he saw Axel take a step towards him, backing up as quickly as he could.

"Come on Rox," Axel said, barely able to get the words out through his laughter. "Try it…I bet it tastes good!"

"No! You try it! You made it!"

"Try it!" Axel said, moving to one side of the island when Roxas retreated to the other side, putting it between them to keep himself from having to try the swill. "You know you want to!"

With that the chase was on, moving in circles around the island until Roxas started to run out of energy (which didn't take long) and Axel pinned him to the counter. Still laughing he moved the spoon to Roxas' mouth who closed his eyes and moved his head away, making loud noises of discontent while he put his hands on Axel's stomach and tried to push him away. Eventually though even that didn't seem to work and Roxas was more than a little upset when Axel grabbed his nose and held on, not allowing the blonde to breath through anything but his mouth.

Eventually the need to breathe won out and Roxas opened his mouth, giving Axel the opportunity he needed to shove in the…absolutely disgusting shit. Roxas nearly choked, trying to breathe around the stuff and not actually swallow it. Eventually though he gave in and let the crap go down his throat, feeling nearly violently ill when he felt it hit his stomach and settle there. Good lord that stuff had been nasty. Still reeling from the abhorrent "food" that he'd had shoveled in, he moved to the sink and put his head under the faucet, hoping that the rush of pure water would rid his mouth of the taste.

"Oh my god," he heard Axel say from the other side of the kitchen. Roxas moved his eyes to watch as Axel's tongue moved out to delicately taste the remaining food on the spoon, his face scrunching up with distaste. "This is, quite possibly, the worst tasting shit I have ever had the misfortune of putting into my mouth."

Roxas began laughing at that, helping Axel to throw the rest of it away and clean the pots up so they wouldn't have to worry about it anymore. Eventually, after everything was clean and put away, they decided that Chinese food was the way to go and called to order some. Roxas curled into the couch while he waited for the food, Axel adding a few more logs to the fire since it was getting especially cold this time of night. Not that you could really tell it was night since the sun never actually set, but they both knew it was night regardless.

Finally they sat in the living room, Axel on one side of the couch eating while Roxas lay curled against his side with his feet sprawled out towards the other end. Axel found that the silence was especially nice, the feel of Roxas' back pushed up against his side made him feel a bit bolder, letting his arm snake out and wrap around the blonde's waist. Roxas seemed to like the arrangement, much to Axel's amusement, wrapping his arms around Axel's and hugging them closer together.

As Roxas yawned, stretching his legs out father in front of him, Axel looked down at him and smiled. "If you're tired, go to bed."

The arm that was around Roxas' waist moved up and brushed the hair from his face, watching as the blonde lazily rubbed his forehead into that hand. "Where are you sleeping then? Have you been using my bed since I've been away?"

"No, I've been sleeping on the couch," Axel answered, giving Roxas a raised eyebrow. "I wouldn't sleep on someone's bed while they weren't home."

"Well," Roxas said, moving his head so that he was looking at Axel upside down. "You don't have to. Why don't you just sleep with me?"

Axel's heart nearly stopped at those words, glancing down at Roxas who was giving him a look that was at once innocent and incredibly seductive. It took Axel a few moments to realize it, but finally it dawned on him that…Roxas knew what he was doing. Though usually Roxas' seduction was unintentional, this time it was not. He was giving Axel a look that was intended to serve a purpose. It might not have been something sexual that Roxas wanted, but he knew what inviting Axel into his bed might mean.

All in all…it was terribly sensual…and Axel had to admit he was tempted.

"Rox," Axel murmured, moving only his eyes down to meet the blue ones below. "I don't think that's a good idea."

"Why not?" Roxas asked, his eyebrows coming together in confusion.

Axel raised his own eyebrow, drawing his lips together as he poked Roxas in the stomach playfully. "You know damn well why not. You're not a little kid, so stop acting like you don't know. You're not well…yet…"

Roxas pouted quietly, rolling his eyes and crossing his arms over his chest as he stared at the opposite wall. Being sick was making him feel childish, and he always had hated it when he couldn't get his way. It made him feel bad to think that while he was sleeping in his comfortable bed that Axel was down here on the couch when there was easily enough room for the both of them upstairs. In reality though, he also knew what asking the older male up into his bed might mean…he wasn't stupid. From the moment they had set eyes on each other the strands of sexual tension had been woven, and now that they were alone with no interruption the strands were tightening, making every move hard to make and every breath hard to draw in.

And if Roxas was being honest with himself, he would have been able to say that he was starting to get tired of waiting. Of course, he wasn't interested in being _that_ honest with himself just yet.

"So what if I'm not well," Roxas said petulantly, sighing suddenly and sitting completely up with a shake of his head. He was being silly and he knew it, casting Axel an apologetic glance over his shoulder. In his whole life he'd always had trouble actually saying he was sorry, so he always expected others to simply know that he was. True, it had backfired a few times, but on the whole those who mattered most always knew when he was apologizing even without words.

"I think I'm going to get a cup of coffee, do you want one?" he asked, watching Axel's face break out into smile. It made him smile in return, getting up and grabbing the black cane that he'd been walking with.

He had barely even made it to the doorway, intending to go to the kitchen, when an incredible wave of dizziness hit him, sending him skidding into the nearest wall. He leaned his head against the wallpaper, his fingers digging into the wall in an attempt to find purchase. His lungs began working faster, deep breaths rushing in and out of him in frighteningly fast waves. Everything seemed to be spinning around him even when he closed his eyes, making his shoulders shudder. It was only after a few moments of this that he realized that someone was beside him, two hands holding onto his back and keeping him upright.

Oh, so that's why he hadn't fallen.

Axel had been staring into the fire when he'd heard the small thud hitting the nearest wall, turning his head in instant fear. Roxas was propping himself up against said wall, seemingly barely able to keep himself upright as he broke out into a sweat that Axel could see from even that far away. He was instantly up off the couch, his arms moving around Roxas and holding him up. His brain was rushing, trying to figure out what to do to help his younger companion, not knowing what else to do but take him to bed and make him stay there.

Roxas probably wasn't going to like that.

"Hold onto me Rox," Axel said into Roxas ear, helping the blonde to wrap his arms around his neck and keep a hold. When he was pretty certain that Roxas wasn't going to go falling on the floor, he let go of his middle and grabbed his upper thighs, lifting him up off the ground and wrapping the blonde's legs around his waist. "Don't let go until I tell you to okay?"

A silent nod against his shoulder was his only response as he took a look at the staircase, wishing that there were an easier way to get to the bedroom. Somewhere in his hidden memory he could remember some other way of getting around that was incredibly simplistic, but seeing as how it was only a vague thing he couldn't really call on it. Taking a deep breath, he moved his foot up to the first step, feeling Roxas shiver in his arms. The younger man's plight was enough to make him bolder, and before he knew it he was nearly to the top of the stairs, moving down the hallway towards Roxas' bedroom.

"Almost there," he murmured, moving over to the queen-size bed and going to the opposite side. Why Roxas needed such a large bed was beyond him, but he didn't think that precise moment was really the time to discuss it, so without another word he quickly let go of one of Roxas' thighs and pulled back the covers. The blonde was starting to go limp in his arms, the fingers that had been digging so helplessly into his shoulders were beginning to slack slightly. Was Roxas passing out?

Laying him down gently in the soft flannel sheets, Axel watched Roxas for some sign that he was all right. If he wasn't, than they were going to be taking a little trip back to the mansion and he wasn't going to leave again until he actually was strong enough to get around all right. Eventually Roxas opened his eyes sleepily, smiling softly up at Axel in a way that told him that everything was all right. Looking around, he grabbed the nearest chair and pulled it up to the bed, leaning his elbows on the mattress and leaning his chin in his hands.

"Are you all right?"

Roxas snuggled further into the sheets, casting blue eyes up at his friend with a small smile. Now that the dizziness had passed, all he felt was incredibly tired, though not in the sleepy way. His body just felt like he'd run ten miles and needed to lie still for a while. On some level he was afraid, not liking how physically weak he was at the moment, but in reality there was nothing to be done about it. It wasn't as though he was dying right then and it was actually comforting to have someone watching over him. He didn't have to worry so much.

"Yeah, I'm okay," he mumbled, his voice a little slurred. He sounded as though he'd been drinking, and that made him laugh just a little. "I'm just tired…"

"You look tired," Axel replied, moving the blankets further up to Roxas' nose and standing up. "Go to sleep for a while, I'll be right downstairs if you need me." He'd barely even made it to the middle of the room when a small sound made him pause and look back at the bed. Roxas had managed to turn himself over and was staring at Axel with wide eyes, his nose and mouth securely under the blanket so all you could see was the blue eyes glittering over the top of the copper-colored comforter. Cocking his head to the side in confusion, he moved back to the bed and looked down.

"What's wrong? Was that you?" he questioned, biting at his bottom lip when Roxas nodded his head. For a little while he waited for Roxas to say something, moving his hands in little circular motions as if that would somehow make the blonde finally speak. "What's wrong Roxas?" he repeated, his voice more forceful than before.

Roxas had originally thought that when he heard Axel get up that he'd be all right. Afterall, he'd been alone before and never had a problem with it. Only now, as he felt his body so weak underneath him, that he didn't want to be alone. And so when he heard Axel's footfalls going towards the door he hadn't been able to stop the small sound of sadness that had come up through his throat and out his mouth. Much to his surprise, the sound had stopped Axel in his tracks, the taller man coming back to his bedside to look quizzically at him.

"Stay here," Roxas said, his voice slightly muffled by the sheets around his head. "Just until I fall asleep?" With that he lifted the covers (though it took a lot more effort than it should have) holding them out for Axel to come in. He knew that the redhead would probably protest the arrangement, but Roxas didn't think he'd put up _that_ much resistance in the end.

Axel's eyes widened as Roxas lifted the covers, taking a step backwards. Why did things have to be like this? Why? Why couldn't he have just been a good upstanding person and not had the obviously tempting thoughts when he thought of crawling into bed with the younger man? The words of protest seemed to die on his lips as he found his feet moving without his volition, eventually stopping at the foot of Roxas' bed with the blonde looking up at him with a sleepy smile.

"Why are you doing this?" Axel questioned, his voice slightly tormented even as he toed his own shoes off and put his hand on the mattress next to Roxas' body. "I'm trying to do the right thing here and you're making it harder than it has to be."

"It's only difficult because you're thinking too hard," Roxas replied with a yawn, scooting backwards to make more room for Axel on the bed. "Now get in here, I'm getting cold."

Conceding his defeat, he crawled slowly into the bed and lay still for a moment, feeling the soft way the flannel sheets rested against his body. Before he knew what was going on however he felt a warm body curling up next to his own, arms reaching up around his neck while one leg moved up around his own to draw him closer. Roxas sighed in a content way as he finished snuggling up, fingers moving in slow massaging motions against the back of Axel's neck.

Roxas had immediately moved towards Axel when he crawled onto the mattress, not allowing the older man any time to change his mind before Roxas had ensnared him. He could feel the way that Axel's breathing sped up slightly, his body tensing against Roxas' own before finally relaxing and letting his long arms come and hold him. Everything seemed very perfect in that moment, even though he knew that his body wasn't behaving the way it probably should have.

None of that seemed to matter right then…and Roxas was glad for it…

"You're not going to leave me alone again are you?" Axel murmured into Roxas hair, his heart beating in his chest as he tried to remember another time when he'd felt abandoned. "Sometimes I feel like I've been drifting in the darkness forever."

This time it was Roxas turn to tense in his arms, looking up at him with eyes full of a sorrow that Axel didn't understand. When Roxas shook his head Axel smiled, suddenly finding his mouth extremely dry as he looked down at the unhappy face in front of him. Not wanting it to continue, and not having much more resistance to the situation, he leaned in, letting their lips brush.

Axel had intended for it to simply be a small kiss, a gentle press of lips, but without warning Roxas deepened the kiss, turning something simple into something much more complex with a brush of his hand. Fighting with himself to pull away, but knowing that the effort was useless, Axel finally gave in, feeling himself sink into the kiss and pull Roxas closer.

Roxas hadn't really meant to kiss him quite that hard, but the moment he'd felt their lips come together it was like he had suddenly woke up. His body had felt like electricity was shooting through it, leaving him unable to resist pushing against Axel's mouth harder until the redhead finally gave in. Now, as Axel's arms began pulling him closer, Roxas found the courage to start to move, the leg that was wrapped around the taller man's leg moving up and spreading out, letting them come into more contact than they had been in.

Grabbing Axel's shirt collar, Roxas pulled as hard as he was able while rolling over, eventually finding himself pressed underneath the comforting weight of the redhead. Their mouths were still attached, Axel's tongue sliding out and forcing Roxas' mouth open, delving in and making the smaller man move his fingers down Axel's back. It all seemed to be going very quickly, making Roxas' head spin (though not the way it was before as this was much more pleasant) as he felt Axel's hand move up underneath his black t-shirt and brush along the muscles of his stomach.

Axel, for his part, was finding himself fighting a losing battle. Every time that he would try to stop himself, telling himself that Roxas was sick and they should halt, Roxas would move again, sending pleasant waves through Axel's body and ruining his resolve. It had been the press of their groins together that had nearly caused Axel to shove Roxas into the bed and rip his clothes off, though somehow he'd managed to stop himself. Now, as their kisses became more frantic and their bodies getting hotter, Axel found himself not caring quite as much, letting his hand move up underneath Roxas' shirt to let his fingers splay across the smooth skin of his belly.

The hand moved upward, Axel delighting in the way that Roxas shivered at the contact, the quivering going all the way up to his lips. When the redhead's hand found a small nipple he nearly paused, but decided to go forward anyway, letting the pad of his thumb brush across Roxas' chest while his mouth moved away from the blonde's. For a moment they stared at each other, Roxas' eyes heavy and lidded with pleasure, while Axel moved his mouth down the stubborn chin and to the graceful plane of his neck. Biting down on the skin that he found there, his eyes flew open wide when he heard Roxas gasp and whimper slightly.

They couldn't do this…

"No!" he pulled away, looking down at Roxas who gave him a look of sheer disappointment. "You're sick Rox," he shook his head, swallowing while he felt his pulse throb through his whole body. "I don't want you to get weaker than you already are."

"Axel…"

"No," Axel said, finally finding his willpower even with Roxas' fingers moving down his back. "You need sleep, and I'll be damned if I'll keep you up all night."

"All night? Is that a promise?" Roxas said, raising an eyebrow gently. Somewhere inside he knew that Axel was right, but that didn't calm the rushing pulse that raged through his ears or the throbbing in his body. As he looked up into Axel's eyes however, he knew that he was right. Not to mention the fact that the exertion alone would probably have killed Roxas right about then…but still…that didn't mean he couldn't' be disappointed just a little.

"I'm going to hold you to that you realize," Roxas purred, fighting down his own desires and moving his hands back into safer areas. Axel laughed and drew Roxas closer, letting the silence settle back between them until his ears met with the quiet, even sound of Roxas sleeping.

"Sweet dreams Roxie," he murmured, brushing his lips across Roxas' forehead and disentangling himself from the blonde's arms. With that he moved to the door, slowly shutting it as he left as to not wake up his…what was Roxas now? He wasn't just his good buddy anymore that was certain, the way his body lit up and his willingness was more than enough proof that Roxas didn't see Axel as just a friend anymore. And yet Axel didn't know what to call him, though in the end did the label really matter at all?

No…it really didn't.

The fire was still crackling in the fireplace as Axel sat down, drawing his knees up to his chin and trying to relax. There was just something very calming about Roxas' little house that his own house didn't have. Though his run down little house on the bad side of town was in fact his home, he couldn't help but feel that the stain of something sinister would always linger there…

_He had been just about to start dinner, his pots and knives lying out on the kitchen island when he'd heard a huge slam on the backdoor. Moving quickly to see what it could have been, he pulled away the curtains to see a huge silver thing standing outside the door, and behind it was a man in a long black coat. The hood was up so he couldn't see who it actually was, but he knew that whatever it was couldn't be good._

_He knew he shouldn't have taken that offer. He knew that when the mysterious man had asked him to design that machine that he should have refused…_

_Too late now._

_He could hear the sound of the door splintering behind him as he ran through the long hallway to the stairs, climbing them two at a time in an attempt to get away. When he reached his bedroom door he slammed it behind him, looking around panicked for anything that he could use to shove in front of it. When all he found was his large dresser he grimaced, rolling his eyes and feeling as though he were in some kind of horror movie. Only this was all-too real and he was all-too unprepared. Grunting with exertion (he was an artist not a body builder) he managed to get the furniture in front of the door just in time to hear whatever that huge silvery thing was slam into it from the other side._

_Safe…for now…_

"_Ael…did you think that would stop me?" he heard from behind him, some strange sound resonating in his ears. It had sounded like some kind of sucking, like a hole was opening up in the air and all the air was being pulled into it. Turning bright green eyes to whoever was in the room, he tried his best to not show how absolutely afraid he really was._

"_I figured anything was worth a shot, you know?" Ael said, shrugging slightly and grinning. "Not that I know who you are…we've yet to be introduced."_

_With that the hood of the black coat was pushed back to reveal bluish silver hair and an angled face, the color of his eyes a piercing yellow like some kind of cat. Even his ears were pointed, making him seem all too animalistic and not nearly enough human. Ael took a step backwards, not liking the way his lips curled back slightly to reveal an evil looking snarl. _

"_Saix," he said quietly. And with that he lunged forward, knocking Ael off balance and sending him sprawling into the full length mirror that had been behind him, sending shards of glass all over the floor. When Ael had managed to right himself he glared, suddenly feeling the sharp object in his hand. Glancing down at it, he shot forward without thinking, knife raised as his hand came out to nearly reach around Saix's neck, the knife coming up to make two large slashes across the bridge of his nose. _

_Well…X really did mark the spot after all._

_Jumping backwards, Ael shook his head and let the bloody knife drop from his hands, letting them form fists at his side. He wasn't going to just die without some kind of fight…who the hell did they think he was? His gaze narrowed as he started to feel the room grow very warm, small pops of light glittering around him as he focused on one thing…not dying. Without warning the entire room was encased in fire, though Ael himself remained unaffected. He had…never been able to do that before…he'd melted things, but not this. _

_It was amazing the things that a person could do under the right stress…_

_The howl that came from Saix throat was inhuman, making the hair on the back of Ael's neck stand up and his eyes quiver. The next thing he knew he was laying prone underneath an overturned bookcase, the broken glass from the floor slicing into his hands and arms as he dug his fingernails into the wooden floor below. Saix's grip on his legs was like steel, dragging him along the floor, trails of blood and scrapes behind them._

_And then he felt it…though it would be much later before he truly realized what had happened._

_Pain…outrageous, burning pain. It felt as though his heart was beating out of control, like it was going to implode, like everything was about to fade away. And though he tried to hold it in, he screamed…racking screams that made his throat hurt and echoed in the small room. It was like he was being ripped apart, and he knew that this was going to be something from which he could not return. Slowly, everything began to lose its color, the pain began to subside, his heart…his heart wasn't beating so fast anymore…in fact…_

_It wasn't beating at all…_

And back on Roxas fluffy couch, in front of a roaring fire, Axel lay still as death on the floor, the memory of losing his heart having nearly knocked him unconscious with its intensity. And in that moment…he couldn't hold back the tears for a past self that he knew he could never return to.

And so he let the tears fall, grateful to have a fresh start and yet mourning the passing of memories that were lost forever.

/lj-cut

Ahhhh, that was fulfilling. After being dissatisfied with the last chapter this one totally made up for it. I am pleased.

Cherry


	8. Chapter 8

**Title:** The Embodiment of Emotion

**Author:** Conjure Lass

**Pairing:** Axel and Roxas

**Rating: NC-17** (This would be the smut folks)

**Author's Notes**: I am SO SORRY that this took so long to get up as its been finished for nearly a week and a half. was being a jerk to me and wouldn't let me upload documents. So blame it and beat it soundly. Anyway...this is the porn. I worked REALLY hard on this so I think you'll all like it very much. I know I enjoyed writing it.

A few weeks passed, paintings were finished, movies were watched, and relationships (both romantic and friendly) became stronger. And all the while, the memory of his heart fading into darkness became almost like a dream to Axel, something that if called upon he could remember, but didn't really have any real impact upon his personality or current situation. It had fallen into the back of his mind, and for that he was truly thankful.

"So," he heard from behind him, standing on Roxas' porch and looking out at the square beyond. He had gone outside while Sora and Roxas finished setting up some kind of game that they were both interested in playing, not wanting to be too involved in the eventual catastrophe he knew was coming. Why they were being trusted with electronic equipment was beyond Axel, but he'd decided to let them have at it and go out onto the porch for a little bit of fresh air.

"Are you planning to move home anytime soon?"

Axel turned his head to see Riku standing in the doorway, leaning his shoulder against the doorjamb and giving Axel a look that spoke volumes for what he was thinking. At first he and Axel hadn't gotten along very well (though Axel didn't know why) but as the weeks passed and Riku started to warm up to the redhead, their relationship had turned from icy glares and annoyed glances to semi-civil smiles and the random conversation about the weather. All in all, it wasn't going too badly.

But now, as Axel stared at Riku, so confident and cocky, he was starting to change his mind a little. What the hell was this little punk talking about? He didn't have any intentions of moving out until Roxas was fully able to be without him…then again…in all reality Roxas had been physically fine for the better part of a week, but Axel hadn't had the heart to actually pack his things and leave. It seemed wrong somehow to go to sleep without knowing that Roxas was so close to him. He didn't _want_ to leave.

"I hadn't really thought about it," Axel replied finally, turning away from the aquamarine eyes with a small sneer. "I don't see what business it is of yours…you don't live here."

Riku threw his hands up with a small laugh, coming to stand beside Axel on the porch, leaning his arms over the railing. A few moments of silence passed before Riku spoke again, this time his voice was much more congenial and less harsh, drawing Axel's attention once again.

"Look," Riku said, taking a deep breath as though he were about to say something terribly important. "I know you don't want to hear this…especially from me. But seriously…why don't you just tell Roxas the truth?"

Axel's eyebrows came together, still not looking at Riku as he let the words he'd spoken sink in. Tell him the truth? What truth was there to tell? It wasn't like he had anything to lie about really…he could barely remember himself at all. What he was Riku going on about? Rolling his eyes, Axel walked away slightly, moving to the other side of the porch in an attempt to get away from the lingering questions that the silver-haired man posed.

"What are you talking about? I'm not lying to Roxas."

"Sure you are," Riku said with a grin. "It's the same kind of lying I used to do…hell I still do it."

Axel sniffed indignantly and glanced over his shoulder, giving the younger man an icy glare.

"You're hiding from him…and from yourself. Why don't you just tell him?"

When Axel didn't respond Riku shook his head and sighed. Sure, he might not have really liked Axel in the past, but this Axel hadn't done anything wrong. To be honest, he wasn't even sure the old Axel had really done anything that was truly unforgivable. In the end, he didn't want to see Roxas get hurt, and not having Axel being truthful with himself was eventually going to hurt the blonde.

And Roxas was important to him.

"You've had two opportunities now to be with him," Riku said, turning around and smiling sadly. "Don't fuck this up…"

Axel turned quickly at that, watching as Riku retreated off the porch and began walking down the street, not bothering to give chase and find out what Riku had meant by that statement. Two opportunities? Blinking a few times, Axel's hand went to his forehead, trying his best not to let his head explode from too much information. It wasn't like he didn't have his suspicions, and it wasn't like he hadn't seen those…visions. The problem was that he didn't know how to put them all together without some basis to hang them on.

If they were memories, he didn't have a box to put them in…and until he did there would be no knowing his former self.

Time passed slowly for the next few hours, until finally Sora decided he'd had enough of playing and went home, leaving Axel and Roxas alone. Roxas had been uneasy the entire time that they'd been playing, feeling Axel's eyes moving along his body. And it wasn't in the "I want you" sort of way that Roxas enjoyed, it was the "I need to talk to you about something" way. That alone made Roxas nervous, as he was almost certain he knew what Axel wanted to talk about.

Though…honestly it was about time.

And so they sat quietly during dinner, Axel's normally cheerful conversation non-existent as he watched Roxas eat. Finally, when the silence seemed to be stretching out to an almost palpable point, his voice came out softly.

"Roxas," he said, sighing and putting down his fork. "If you knew something about me, would you tell me?"

Roxas' heart caught in his throat, his fork dropping to his plate with a noisy clatter. True, he'd been expecting this conversation for a while, but the reality of it actually being there was still startling and frightening. Now, as the reality of the situation stared him in the face, he discovered that it was a lot more difficult than he'd originally thought it would be. He didn't know what to say, nor could he really say anything at all. In the end, he knew Axel would be angry…so what did it matter what he said?

"I don't know what you mean," he muttered, knowing full well what Axel meant. His eyes remained fixed on the tablecloth as if it held all the answers to his life, unable to look into Axel's eyes for fear that the older man would simply see everything he was thinking. He took a deep breath, knowing that he hated this but also knowing that there was nothing more he could do.

"I know you're lying," Axel hissed softly, reaching across the small kitchen table and grabbing Roxas' chin, forcing their eyes to meet. "What are you hiding from me? If there's something you should tell me than tell me!"

"I can't!" Roxas cried out, pulling his chin away from Axel's grasp and standing up. He forced back whatever emotions he was feeling at the moment and shook his head, letting his arms fall uselessly to his sides. "I can't."

And with that he shrugged helplessly and turned around, going up the stairs to his bedroom and quietly shutting the door. Allowing the emotions he'd been feeling to finally come to the surface, he crawled up onto his bed and grabbed at one of the many pillows, clutching it to himself and burying his face in the fluffy depths. He knew how badly he had just messed things up, but for the life of him he didn't know how to fix it without telling Axel the truth.

And that was something that he just couldn't do…

Axel sat stunned at the kitchen table as Roxas went upstairs, feeling his whole body shake when the blonde was gone. So…there really was something that Roxas knew that he wasn't telling him. Axel felt his body grow hot at the thought of it, his anger sparking at knowing that all this time Roxas could have told him the truth about some of himself and spared him all this damn confusion. Why hadn't he just told the Axel what was going on? Why hide it?

Not bothering to clear the table, he stalked into the living room and sat down harshly, letting his legs span out in front of him as his arms moved to cross over his chest. It wasn't as though he was asking a lot, was it? All he wanted to know was who he had been before all of this…new life. He wanted to remember more than just the last two months, he wanted to remember everything. At least so the parts of him that were empty and alone could finally be filled up.

Why couldn't anyone just tell him?

_It was dark again in The World that Never Was, only this time there was no rain. He stood alone, his arms crossed over his chest, watching as the only person that he'd ever really cared about, in this life or his previous one, prepared to walk away from him forever. On one hand he didn't know what to say, as he'd never told Roxas how he'd really felt at all…nobodies weren't supposed to be able to feel…right? And so he silently watched as Roxas began to walk away._

"_Your mind is made up?" he asked softly, biting at his bottom lip as Roxas paused, glancing back over his shoulder. _

"_Why did the Keyblade choose me? I have to know."_

_It was in that moment that Axel made a crucially bad decision. All the time that he had known Roxas, he had fully known why the Keyblade had chosen him, always keeping it a secret, always holding it inside. It had been through no decision of his own, but that didn't make the sting of…guilt…stop eating at him. Even now, knowing that Roxas wasn't going to be coming back, and feeling that this would be the last time he'd see those blue eyes…he still didn't tell him._

_In the days that passed…he wished he could have gone back and changed all that._

"_You can't turn on the organization!" he had blurted out, not knowing where the words came from but feeling the need to say something…anything. "If you get on their bad side they'll destroy you!"_

"_No one would miss me," he'd said, his voice so cold and…sad. Axel had felt something crack at that, taking a step forward and shaking his head._

"_That's not true…I would…"_

_And he did…_

In that moment, seeing that particular scene flash before his eyes, his eyes welled up. He had missed Roxas every moment from then…until he'd set eyes on him again. Only he hadn't known what he'd been missing…but…he knew now…

And that's when it all cracked…

"Roxas…"

Every memory of every event flooded back at once, so many scenes flashing before his eyes that his hands flew to his mouth, covering his lips so that he didn't make any sounds as vision after vision came rushing back into him. Visions of his past life there in Twilight Town came first, his momma, his sisters, his eventual fall into darkness…then came later memories. Organization XIII, Xemnas, Demyx, Namine…Sora…and Roxas…

"Roxas!" his voice came out in a growl as he stood up, hands clenching into tight fists. Axel felt like a black sheet had just been lifted off his face, letting him finally see the world clearly for the first time in months. Now, instead of feeling as though he were empty and incomplete, he simply felt like a mix of three different people who all seemed to get along. The person he was, the nobody he'd been, and the person he remained. All in all…he felt pretty good.

Other than one thing…

The wood creaked under his feet as he ascended the stairs, pausing at the top to stare at the bedroom door, glaring at it for a moment as though to simply glare would somehow burn the door off its hinges. Why had Roxas lied all this time? Well, that wasn't exactly fair…he hadn't lied. He just hadn't told Axel anything…lying by omission. Somehow that didn't make Axel feel any better. Not that he himself hadn't been guilty of it in the past…he'd never told Roxas the truth either.

He knew full well the hypocrisy of his own anger…but did he really care? Hell, no! He was pissed, and there was no way Roxas was getting out of this one without some kind of answers.

Roxas was still lying facing the wall, his arms securely around his pillow as though somehow it would comfort him, when he heard it. He could hear the hard footsteps of Axel down the hallway, ending with a loud slam of the bedroom door. And then all he could hear was breathing and the steady rise of heat in the small room. At first he wondered what could have made Axel angrier than he'd been downstairs, but then Roxas figured it out.

He knew…he remembered….

It seemed to Roxas as though the silence was going to stretch out forever when he finally heard Axel shift on his feet.

"So, when were you planning on telling me about about myself?" he said, his voice scathing in the quiet room. Roxas flinched, pulling himself further into the pillow and breathing into it as if somehow his pillow was going to save him from the screaming match that he was so afraid was coming. Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes and knew that he couldn't lie to Axel anymore…what was the point?

"Never," his voice came out soft, hearing Axel's small gasp from the other side of the room. "You had to figure it out on your own."

"But we're best friends and always have been!" Axel said, moving up to the bed and glaring at Roxas' turned back. Why wouldn't Roxas look at him? The temperature in the room rose another few degrees with Axel's growing anger, not understanding why Roxas wouldn't face him like the friend's that they were supposed to be. All those nights of wondering who he was and where he was going could have been eased with just a few simple words from the blonde in front of him. Why couldn't he have just told him the truth?

"It was lonely Roxas! All those weeks that you knew and I wondered! I could have used my best friend!"

Roxas, not able to keep in the growing tears, finally gave up, letting them fall silently onto the pillow clutched in his hand. Not knowing what to say to Axel's anger he stayed quiet, until finally soft words formed in his head that fell to his lips. Honestly he didn't know if they would help, but they were how he felt, and ever since he'd finally gotten his own emotions he'd promised himself that he'd never hold back.

"I…I was lonely too," Roxas said, his voice shaking slightly. He continued to stare at the wall as he spoke, not able to find the courage to actually look at Axel as he tried to explain himself. Axel's angry voice was more than enough punishment for now, and Roxas wouldn't have been able to handle seeing those green eyes full of disappointment to go along with it. "I wanted to tell you but…what would have been the point? You still wouldn't have remembered, and you probably wouldn't have believed me…so…"

Sighing resolutely, he felt the grip on his pillow loosen. "I'm sorry Axel…if you…if you want to leave I wouldn't blame you."

Axel felt his anger lessen at the sound of Roxas' voice, glancing down at the floor and wondering how this all could have happened. But, even through all the confusion and bruised feelings, one thing was very clear…he cared for Roxas more than anyone in the entire world. In all the worlds there had never been anyone else that made him feel as complete as Roxas did. Even when Axel had truly had no heart Roxas had reached him anyway, and he wasn't going to give that up.

Besides, he could hear Roxas' regret and sadness in his voice…what more was there to know?

Sliding onto the bed, he put his hand on the top of Roxas head, finding it to be just as soft as ever. It was like he'd only just woken up, and that he had to relearn everything about the world again. He could feel Roxas tense up under his hand at first and then relax as his long fingers worked slowly through the blonde locks that fell all over his face. Leaning down, Axel let his mouth kiss at Roxas' ear, drawing small sounds of surprise and eventual happiness from the younger man, making Axel smile in return.

"I missed you so bad Roxie," he murmured, running the tip of his nose behind Roxas' ear. "I'm sorry for…you know all that stuff that happened…"

Roxas laughed softly, finally turning his head (though with effort as Axel's mouth on his ear felt really good) to look up at the green eyes that were looking back down at him with such a sense of sorrow. He didn't know where the anger had gone, but he was glad to see it depart, though he didn't want Axel to be sad either. Pushing his lips together for a moment, he shook his head and poked Axel in the center of the chest as if to make his point.

"Don't be sorry," he said, his index finger moving up to trace Axel's bottom lip. "I'm just glad you got all your memories back."

Roxas smiled, coming forward and leaning his forehead against Axel's own and rubbing their skin together. It was a comforting motion, calming whatever lingering doubt and fear was left inside of Roxas and making him feel more secure. Though he had to admit that the closer he was to Axel's mouth the more he started to think he wouldn't be able to resist much longer. He could barely think past the feel of touching skin and those green eyes so close to his own.

Sighing gently, he pulled away just a bit. "So…we're okay right? I mean, as in…us…as in…together…"

Axel laughed, reaching his arms out and pulling Roxas into him, letting his fingers trail down Roxas' back, enjoying the feel of his body shivering against him. Back when they had first known each other, when they had been nobodies, Axel had often sat around in his room and fantasized about having Roxas just like this. Why he had never acted on those feelings he didn't know even now, but now that he had him…he had no intention whatsoever of not following through.

"Well yeah," Axel said, as if the answer had been obvious. "I mean, every couple has lover's spats…right?"

Roxas raised a curious eyebrow, a small grin gracing his lips. "But Axel…we're not lovers…"

"I plan to change that…"

Roxas' eyes widened as Axel moved in, sliding their lips together with a grace that he hadn't had before. The kisses before had been good to be certain, but these were a bit more mind-blowing, almost instantly making Roxas want to open his mouth though somehow he resisted. He kept his mouth closed while he felt Axel play at his lips, keeping his eyes partially open as he sent challenging glances at the man in his arms who was staring back, letting his fingers move to Axel's pale cheek and trailing slowly down his neck. Though it might have been terribly immature, he wanted Axel to work to get him, he had been waiting for years for this precise moment and he intended to not let it go by too quickly.

"I didn't take you to be one to play hard to get Roxas," Axel murmured against the kiss, pulling away and then coming back in to bite down at Roxas' bottom lip, pulling on it slightly and then licking away the sting. Roxas gasped at the sensation, closing his eyes and letting his head move to the side to give Axel room to lick at his ear again. Axel obliged him with a soft laugh, letting his white teeth work the lobe for a few moments, enjoying the way Roxas squirmed against him, the younger man's hands gripping at Axel's shirt over and over.

"Isn't it more fun to work for it?"

Axel laughed softly at that, kissing his way along Roxas' cheek until he found his mouth again, using his height to maneuver them both further back onto the bed until Roxas was staring up at him with his head on the pillow. His eyes were starting to take on a much deeper hue than before, his mouth slightly open as his tongue came out to lick at his lips, making it hard to look at anything but the soft pink mouth that was now shiny with saliva.

"You're an evil person," Axel murmured, moving his mouth down Roxas' neck, biting down on the soft flesh that he found there. When he heard Roxas' breath hitch in his throat he bit down harder, feeling a sharp shudder work its way from the tip of the blonde's toes all the way up to his lips that quivered gently. It wasn't enough though…he wanted to hear Roxas' pleasure, wanted to know without a doubt that what he was doing was driving the younger male insane.

Everything was starting to speed up, from his pulse to his breathing to the way his body was moving in sharper patterns than it was before, and though Roxas was trying to keep it at bay it simply wasn't happening. The second that Axel's mouth had found his neck he'd felt like he would scream, as though a dam had been building up inside him for years and was begging to get out. Now, as he felt his body shudder gently underneath the redhead's, he felt himself start to grow slightly…hungry?

Moving his head around until he could see Axel at his neck, he grabbed a large handful of red hair and pulled Axel's head back up to him, connecting their mouths together and allowing his own to open. He may not have ever done this before in real life, but he'd been inside Sora's head more than enough times to get a feel for what he should be doing. And so he let his mouth fall open, letting the warm pleasure of Axel's tongue sliding along his own make his head go fuzzy and his body heat up. Without realizing he was doing it he'd let his legs spread out, his head rolling backwards when he felt his groin come into contact with Axel's.

Without a word Roxas rose up slightly onto his shoulders, stripping his shirt off his body and throwing it onto the floor in a heap, reaching up and impatiently pulling Axel's up his back and over his head. With that out of the way Roxas reached his fingers down and dragged them gently down Axel's back, liking the way the muscles of his spine gave slightly beneath his wandering fingers. When his fingers reached the waistband of Axel's pants he halted, staring into green eyes that were full of amusement.

Axel didn't think he'd do it…

"Don't you look at me like that," Roxas purred, licking teasingly along the corner of Axel's lip, grinning when Axel made a small noise in his throat in response. "I'm not as innocent as you think I am."

His hand moved to Axel's belt, giving it a sharp tug that caused the redhead's eyes to fly open wide and a loud laugh to come out of his mouth. In all honestly, when he'd felt Roxas hand graze his waistband he really hadn't though that his soon-to-be lover would actually be bold enough to do it, but now as Roxas hands pushed his slacks lower onto his hips, he couldn't help but be pleasantly surprised. Not to mention the very sight of Roxas looking so…naughty…was enough to make him never want to get out of that bed ever again.

And so Axel took the whole thing as an invitation, moving his mouth down further until his tongue was lapping at Roxas' nipple, not finding satisfaction until he felt the hard press of Roxas' fingers in his hair that told him how good it felt. Only then did he move to the other one, giving it the same attention until he could hear the noises that Roxas was trying to hold back, fighting to come out of his mouth but Roxas not letting them.

"Come on Rox," Axel teased, his mouth playing along Roxas' stomach, biting along the baby soft skin that lay there. Roxas gasped and rose up onto his elbows, his hand moving down to gently play with Axel's hair, giving him blue eyes that had turned navy blue with desire. "Don't you want to scream for me?"

"I scream when there's something worth yelling about," Roxas replied with a laugh that got interrupted by a low, nearly choking sound on his lips as Axel smiled and brushed his cheek along Roxas crotch. Okay, so that had felt good. Another choked sound rose up when he felt Axel's tongue press against the fabric of his pants, making his head roll to the side as he felt his face heat up. It wasn't enough…the heat inside of him was starting to build up and in the end he'd have to have some kind of completion.

Axel smiled letting his tongue dip below the waistband of Roxas' pants, watching for some sign that what he was about to do was absolutely all right. More than anything else, he wanted this to be nothing but pleasure for Roxas…true, some of it was going to hurt a little, but in the end he wanted Roxas to remember nothing but the good parts. So he waited until Roxas' eyes, those perfect blue eyes that were glazed with promises and desire, told him it was all right to actually proceed.

When the answering glitter of acceptance could be seen Axel let his hands move up to the top of Roxas' pants and slowly begin to pull them down, eyes widening with absolute shock when he discovered that Roxas wasn't actually wearing any underwear. Who had known that his little minx could be quite so daring? The responding smile on Roxas' face was priceless as Axel let the pants in his hand drop to the floor and actually get a good look at the younger man underneath him.

Axel wasn't sure, but he didn't think that there were quite words to describe how Roxas' body looked.

All long lines, perfectly sculpted and yet not lanky or gangly. It was like Roxas had been perfectly made to wield the Keyblade, his shoulder strong and lean while his arms held the faintest hint of muscle underneath. His stomach was flat, but there was no actual definition of muscle except for the slightest bit that could be seen when Roxas tensed up. Looking father down, Axel found himself unable to not reach down with his mouth and bite at the smooth hipbones that protruded out above a growing erection…which Axel wasn't going to neglect for very long.

"Why Roxas," Axel said, his voice playful. He let his hand move down Roxas' thigh, lifting his right leg onto Axel's own shoulder and trailing his fingers through the fine pale hair that he found there. "You really are a natural blonde. All this time I thought it was the bottle…"

"Shut up," Roxas replied with a small laugh, barely able to get in any breath. With his leg up over Axel's shoulder like this, he couldn't help but feel exposed. He'd never had anyone look at him like this, and though he wasn't ashamed of his body by any means, he still didn't know quite how to react to the hungry look in Axel's eyes. He wasn't stupid…he knew what was coming, and the knot in his stomach twisted accordingly, making small little whimpers come out of his mouth without his say-so.

And then he did it.

It seemed to come fast. One moment Roxas was breathing in the sweet scent of anticipation and the next his whole shaft was encased in a warm heat, sending his spine bowing against the bed with his hands buried in his own hair. He finally did allow the sounds to come out, small at first, but growing louder as Axel's ministrations became more vigorous. Finally each swallow by the older man brought out a sharp cry, one of Roxas' hands moving down from his own hair (noticing a few strands that he'd pulled out) to land in Axel's, gripping on hard and holding on. It was also in that moment that he tasted a little bit of blood in his mouth, realizing suddenly that he'd been biting down on his lip a bit too hard.

"Easy Roxas," Axel said, rising up off his erection for a moment after noticing the tiny pool of blood at the corner of Roxas' lips.

Moving his mouth back down to what he'd been doing, Axel moved his hand up to Roxas' mouth and shoved his index and middle finger between the blonde's lips, his own length throbbing painfully each time Roxas would suck on them. But it was the sounds, the high cries, and the low moans that were really getting to him. He could tell that Roxas was close with each time he'd move his mouth up and down, each time he'd swallow around his member, until he felt Roxas tense up, biting down slightly on Axel's fingers.

And then he pulled away.

"Axxeeellll," Roxas complained loudly, giving the redhead wide annoyed eyes. He had been so close…so close to falling right over that edge that he'd been moving towards. Now his body was throbbing worse than it was before, his skin beginning to become slick with the sweat that was popping out along his body. Blindly reaching down, he pulled Axel back up to his mouth, pushing his tongue against his lover's mouth and letting his tongue slip inside.

"Like how you taste?" Axel said with a small laugh, grinning gently when Roxas nodded a bit.

Roxas was finding himself consumed, all thoughts of making this a challenge gone out the window in the mind-numbing rush of pleasure that coursed through his veins. Knowing full well that he was out of control, his hand reached down, forcing Axel's pants as far down as he could get them before letting his fingers move smoothly along the erection he found there. Though it took a few moments and four or five deep breaths, he eventually found his courage and wrapping his hand around it, amazed when the skin was so much softer than he'd expected. Not knowing quite what to do, but knowing what produced a response in himself, he began slowly moving his hand up and down the length, brushing the pad of his thumb along the head and delighting in the lusty moan he received in return. And all the while his eyes never left Axel's, never letting their gaze unlock

Axel pulled away a few inches upon feeling the warm tunnel of Roxas' hand around him, not finding the willpower to pull his pants down the rest of the way until he realized that he was having trouble moving around a bit. With that he pulled them off fully and let them fall to the floor, moving his mouth back to the blonde's and moaning, feeling it vibrate off of Roxas' throat and make his lips tingle.

"I can't wait much longer Rox," he gasped, shoving his face down into the crook of Roxas' shoulder, licking along the soft neck, feeling Roxas shudder underneath him. The height difference was making things a little weird, but Axel could still feel where their thighs met, burning heat that moved along his skin, the way their erections grazed each other briefly, drawing breathless cries and sighs from Roxas. He couldn't take it much longer…he'd been waiting forever it seemed.

"God what are you waiting _for_?!" Roxas moaned pitifully, reaching up and wrapping his legs around Axel's waist, his head whipping to the side as their lengths fully brushed against each other. Axel could only nod at Roxas' desires, untangling himself from the blonde's strong legs and spreading them wide.

Not giving the younger man any time to realize what was going on, Axel shoved his mouth hard against Roxas', distracting him from the wandering course of his hand. It was still slick with Roxas' own spit, positioned outside his opening and preparing itself to plunge in. Finally, when he thought he had Roxas properly distracted (the moaning and writhing was a really good clue) he shoved his middle finger deep into the blonde's body, feeling him tense up and his mouth freeze.

Axel instantly pulled away, looking down into wide blue eyes that were glazed over with pain and discomfort. After a few moments of indecision, Axel decided to start moving the finger a bit, pulling it out and plunging it back in, watching with a half-breaking heart as Roxas visibly fought with himself not to move. His hand was clenching and unclenching the sheets below, his breaths coming in quicker pants than it previously had. But he never tried to get away, in fact after a few more thrusts of Axel's long fingers Roxas was starting to move slowly against them, as if testing himself.

Roxas, for his part, was trying as hard as he could to adjust. When he'd first felt Axel's hand move between his thighs he had known what was coming, determined not to pull away and just let the pain come and go as quickly as possible. He hadn't quite been expecting it to feel like that though; the intense burning nearly being enough to make his eyes water but he held them back. Eventually though he started to feel more at ease, even moving his hips in time with Axel's slow pushes into his body in an attempt to open himself up a little more.

"Damn, this hurts," he gasped when a second finger was inserted, reaching up and digging his fingers into Axel's shoulders, hoping it would be over soon. He nearly yelled when he felt himself stretching out, but the longer it went on the less it was hurting, until finally it was more like a dull ache than anything else. That was when he truly took a chance, pushing hard against Axel's fingers, only to find himself suddenly consumed with explosions of pleasure. All thoughts of pain gone from his head, he gasped again, crying out but this time in pure enjoyment.

"Better?" Axel asked, smiling softly down at Roxas who nodded his head and reached up, letting his tongue lick along Axel's bottom lip. Axel could feel his body shaking at this point, the sound of Roxas cries making him feel as though he would never be able to forget them. But there wasn't anymore patience in him…if he didn't get inside the smaller man soon he was probably going to go insane. And the way Roxas was wiggling around underneath him told him that the blonde felt the same way.

Wrapping his arms around Roxas' waist, he lifted his lover up and turned him over, raising his hips up off the bed and leaning down towards his ear. He'd heard before that this was the easiest and least painful position for someone's first time, and so he was going to give it a shot with Roxas. Axel probably would have done anything to keep Roxas from hurting too badly, though there was no way to eliminate the pain all together. Hopefully it wouldn't last long though…

"If it hurts too bad, I'll stop," Axel whispered in Roxas ear, positioning himself at the entrance to the blonde's body and taking a deep breath. Roxas nodded slowly, resting his forehead on his crossed arms and willed himself to relax, knowing that this might hurt but if he didn't tense up that it wouldn't be so painful. "Just let me know when you're okay…okay?"

The first thrust was sudden, Roxas mouth falling open with a silent groan of displeasure. Okay…the fingers had been one thing, but this was another entirely. He could feel Axel inside of him throbbing, hear the way Axel's breath had caught in his throat, the way the taller man's teeth dug into the back of his neck like a cat. All in all, the combined sensations were enough to distract him until he felt more relaxed…and everything started to feel…much, much better.

Axel felt like he was drowning, barely able to control the quivering in his thighs the moment he was embedded inside Roxas' body. The seconds seemed to move like hours as he waited for some kind of sign that Roxas was ready, biting down on the back of his lover's neck as he tried to keep control of himself. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, a small moan escaped from the body below him, and without warning Roxas shoved his hips backwards, pushing Axel in further and drawing a strangled cry from Axel's lips.

No more waiting…he could take no more waiting…

"I'm sorry Rox," he murmured, licking a clean line up Roxas' spine. "I can't hold out…"

"You don't have to," Roxas answered, his voice shaky. "Come on…"

It started slow, the steady building of bodies moving against each other, but quickly built into more. Soon Roxas was a mass of steadily growing moans, his body having risen up onto his hands and knees, one hand pressed firmly against the headboard as he felt himself pushed forward with each thrust of Axel's hips. Every time their bodies would meet he would feel a little closer to something he didn't quite understand. It wasn't just orgasm, since he'd felt that before, but something more…something other. It was like it was building not in his gut but behind his eyes or inside his head just behind his ears.

"Nnngg…please…flip me over…look at me," Roxas pleaded, suddenly finding himself desperate for the feel of Axel's lips on his own. The pleasure was intense and perfect, his emotions running high, but he wanted to be able to look into Axel's eyes and know what he was thinking. He could hear the redhead behind him, slowly chanting his name, but it wasn't enough.

Axel quickly obliged, turning Roxas over and pulling him up until they were locked together in the middle of the bed. Axel sat with his knees bent, Roxas straddling his hips so that their mouths could join with no interruptions. Axel felt his bottom lip tremble at the sight of Roxas' blue eyes, half-lidded with pleasure, biting at his bottom lip so hard that Axel could once again see a small pool of blood at the corner of his mouth. Eyebrow twitching involuntarily, he felt his tongue come out to lick at the coppery liquid and felt himself breaking, though not in the physical sense.

He hadn't noticed it at first, thinking it was sweat, but there was a slight sheen of water glistening on…everything. From the bedspread to the walls to Roxas creamy pale skin, it felt as though they were in a literal sauna…and that's when he realized that he'd long ago lost control of his raging powers. The room was literally steaming, the water having come from a pitcher and a fish tank, collecting on every surface in the room to saturate it all. Roxas seemed to notice it at the same time he did, the blonde head thrown back while he forced himself down on Axel's length over and over again.

"Nice…sauna," Roxas gasped, burying his face in Axel's neck as a huge wash of pleasure hit him. Every time Axel thrust up it was making Roxas feel like he was going to die, but wishing it could go on forever at the same time. All talking ceased however as the pace picked up, wordless screams forming on Roxas lips as he drug fingernails down Axel's back, his eyes widening in absolute shock when he realized what he was seeing.

He'd left…light behind. Everywhere his hands were touching was leaving imprints of light, from the fingers that scraped angry lines down Axel's skin to the sheet that was clutched in his hands and glowing. His eyes widened, staring into the redhead's as Axel smiled for a moment and leaned in, letting their mouths join, pulling away to find his own lips were glowing slightly from Roxas' powers. Amazing.

"Let me hear it Roxas," Axel whispered, holding in his own pleasure long enough to let his hand move down to Roxas' erection, fisting it slowly as he increased the force of his thrusts. "Let me hear how much you love it."

And Roxas did, from the way the whole room was like an inferno, to his own blossoming powers making both their skin's glow, to the feel of the pleasure ripping through his body in endless waves. Every breath was fast and ragged, his mouth latching down onto Axel's neck and holding on tight. Finally, with one particularly hard thrust from his lover he felt himself come, his screams echoing in the small bedroom until they began to crack, his voice failing him in the last moments of his ecstasy. He could feel the hot wash of his own come on his stomach and Axel's hand, black spots flying across his vision and thinking that he could pass out at any moment

Axel wasn't far behind, Roxas' name like a prayer on his lips as he yelled it over and over again, clutching the smaller man to him desperately. All the loneliness, all the sadness, all those years of being a nobody and loving Roxas anyway exploded into those few blissful moments, his mouth finding Roxas' and refusing to let go until he couldn't breath and Roxas was a mass of quivering flesh in his arms.

It took a while for the two of them to move, Roxas simply physically unable to do so and Axel being so completely limp that he couldn't have budged if he'd wanted to. After at least fifteen minutes however they finally did stir, Roxas falling backwards onto the mattress below, Axel falling on top of him and snuggling his face into the crook of Roxas' neck. Everything was still covered with a thin sheen of water but neither man seemed to care, concentrating on the afterglow and relearning how to breath. Roxas numbly wrapped his arms around Axel's sweaty and wet hair, burying his face in the soft red strands.

He'd been about to say something when he heard a strange sound, a weird flopping sound that drew his attention to the dresser on the other side of the room. His eyes widened when he saw his pet goldfish Destiny flopping around uselessly in his empty bowl, trying without success to breath. Roxas' face broke out in a wide smile, his head shaking gently as laughter began rising up in his chest to break through his lips. Axel looked at him curiously for a moment, but then heard the fish himself, laughing against the skin of Roxas' neck.

"Axel," Roxas said through his laughter. "Go put some water in the tank before Destiny dies."

"Noooo," Axel whined, tugging a random blanket (water and all) over their bodies and closing his eyes. The green eyes opened again when Roxas poked at his head, still insistent. "Roxas I'm exhausted…just…let it die or something…"

"Axel!!"


	9. Chapter 9

**Title**: The Embodiment of Emotion

**Author**: Conjure Lass

**Rating**: PG-13 to NC-17

**Pairing**: Axel and Roxas

**Author's** **Notes**: This chapter took me a few days to get out and for that i'm sorry. It's very dramatic and sad and it hurt a little piece of me to write it (i'm dead serious). But I think it came out well. I hope you enjoy it.

It was the lack of suitable covers and cold that awoke him, the blue eyes opening slowly in the quiet hush of the night, the room almost dark and beautifully peaceful. Eyebrows coming together in confusion, he wondered briefly why it actually was almost dark, not being used to anything less than the light of sunset casting long shadows in his windows. Moving his head slowly, feeling his body stretch (good lord he was sore), he glanced at the window near the bed, noticing that in fact it was very dark.

But the sun never set in Twilight Town…

Wanting to look out the window, he set his next goal to be moving the slumbering man on top of him. Axel had moved a bit in their sleep, and was now curled up lower in the blankets with his head propped up against Roxas' side, his long arms wrapped around Roxas' left one, using it as a makeshift stuffed animal. Reaching up slowly, he let his fingers move down Axel's cheek, feeling his face break out into a wide grin. This all couldn't have worked out better, though the feel of drool against his skin was less than romantic…but he really didn't mind.

Deciding that he still wanted to know why it was so dark, he gently began dislodging himself from Axel's embrace, eventually tucking the redhead back into the bed and he painfully made his way across the room. He had known that he'd be in pain the next morning, but he hadn't expecting the soreness quite this soon. Hoping that the throbbing and burning would go away with a little movement, he pushed aside the curtain and looked outside.

It was…snowing…

The sun was hidden in the night, the sky full of low lying gray clouds, a thick shower of snow falling in graceful waves. The streets were beginning to become covered, the grass already heavily blanketed in soft snow, though it wasn't tremendously thick yet. It glittered darkly in the lingering light, making Roxas' eyes widen in shock. He had seen snow only twice before, when he had resided inside of Sora's body and gone to Christmas Town and to the Land of Dragons…but even that memory was hazy. And it really wasn't _his _memory at all.

Before he knew what he was doing he had gone to the closet (pain be damned) and pulled out the first pair of pants that he found, a pair of white jeans. He pulled a black sweater over his head after that and shook his hair out, feeling it unstick itself from his face and the back of his neck. He had been quite literally covered with sweat, so now that it had dried he felt a little icky, but that wasn't going to stop him from going outside.

He paused when he reached the bedroom door, glancing back at the man cuddled up in the bed behind him. He wouldn't have liked to wake up alone and not even known why, so with that thought in mind he wandered to the bedside table and pulled out a small blue pad of paper and a pen, scribbling down a short note. It basically told Axel not to worry and that Roxas would be back shortly if not sooner.

With that he was off down the stairs, throwing open the door and looking outside at the falling snowflakes. The feel of the cold air on his cheeks made him shiver at first, but as soon as he was actually out walking in it things seemed to warm up a bit. Everything was almost completely silent, the frozen water covering surfaces without the slightest disruption other than the sound of Roxas' boots crunching on the sidewalk below him. He took a deep breath and blew it out through his mouth, watching in fascination as it fogged in the air, disappearing into the sky.

Who would want to live all year on a tropical island when you'd be missing this?

The first sniffle made him laugh slightly, reaching up with the back of his hand and wiping away the thin mucus that was threatening to spill out. His face was starting to get a little cold as he made his way towards the pier, stopping every now and again to run his toe along the ground, making patterns in the snow. It was just one more incredible thing to Roxas, something new and exciting in a world where everything seemed fresh. The wind picked up slightly, blowing his hair back from his face and making a little bit of snow slap him in the cheeks.

Roxas, being curious about everything, was in fact so wrapped up in looking towards the sky that he failed to realize that he was actually on the pier, his boots making loud clacking noises against the wood. If he had known he was on the pier he might have been paying more attention, but as it stood he simply was not. That lack of attention proved to be more dangerous than he had expected, as suddenly his foot caught a slick patch on the wood below, sending him skidding into the nearest pier pole, holding on for dear life while he felt his breath rush in.

"Whoa," he breathed out, one leg hanging perilously off the edge of the pier as he held onto the wooden post. "That was close…"

Swinging his leg up onto the pier, he was suddenly hit with a huge wave of pain, making him flinch, the leg that was actually still on the pier losing its balance. Though the pain hadn't been so bad that he would have cried, it was enough however to make his grip on the snow-slick wood of the pier loosen, his eyes widening as he knew what was going to come next.

The fall seemed very long, though really it was only four or five feet. And all the while Roxas prepared himself for what he knew was going to be a very uncomfortable situation when he finally hit the water. When he finally did feel the absolutely frigid water rise up around him he cried out underwater, coming to the surface with a gasp, already shivering. The bay's water felt like a thousand knives all poking into him at once, almost instantly making his skin go numb as he treaded water for a moment while looking around for the closest bit of shore. He could feel the sensation going out of his limbs as he started towards the bank, barely able to move at all by the time he actually did reach it.

Roxas drug himself slowly onto the sandy shore, his breaths coming out shallow and fogged as he attempted to make himself stand up. So far there was nothing coming from it, as though the wires that connected his brain and body had been temporarily severed by the freezing cold water. Eventually though he forced himself to his feet, glancing around at the still falling snow and the fact that there was absolutely no one around to help him out.

Because he really wanted to go home right about now.

"Come on Roxas," he urged himself, looking down at his feet and placing one foot in front of the other. "You can do this. Just walk…"

At first things seemed to be going rather well, until a sudden flash of dizziness washed over him, making him stumble into a nearby shop wall, clutching at the brick under his fingertips in his attempt to right himself. He stood there for countless seconds, his chest heaving in and out while he tried not to panic…he felt like his muscles were freezing in place, as though if he just stopped for a while that they'd never move again. So it was with a low grunt of growing pain that he forced himself to his feet once again.

Only to slip and fall again in the snow.

"Damn it!" he yelled, smacking his palms down into the snow and looking up towards the sky as his eyes began to water. This couldn't be happening…not now. But the rising heat in his body told him that something was becoming terribly wrong, forcing him once again to his feet as he began to stumble towards the house, pausing every few minutes to catch his rapidly decreasing breath.

Everything felt like it was getting fuzzy again…

"Please," he begged of whatever deity would listen to someone like him. "Just get me to Axel…please?"

It was the thought of the redhead, looking down at him worriedly, that jarred Roxas to action again, his pace picking up even though his body was quickly rising in temperature to the point that he felt nauseous. Finally he actually did give into that feeling, doubling over as he threw up whatever had been in his stomach and what felt like a few of his internal organs. Everything was failing; he could feel it. The growing hypothermia was quickly taking its toll on him, so quickly in fact that he was having a tough time believing it.

And he was starting to get…so sleepy…

"Noooo, no no," he murmured pitifully, trudging down until he found himself at his own street, eyes widening as he finally saw the house. He could make it that far, he was sure of it. And that hope was what gave him the last bit of energy to move on, finally stopping literally at his front door, his hand resting unsteadily on the doorknob.

He…couldn't move. Not at all. Everything was becoming bright, the outlines of his vision exploding in white streaks that seemed to consume everything. Shaking his head as if to clear it, he fell to his knees, wincing at the feel of pain as the stone of his front porch scraped his knees. But even that sharp pain wasn't enough to pull him back from the ledge that he stood on, his fingers slipping off the metal doorknob as he fell into a heap right outside his front door, the snow falling gently just outside his front porch.

Before the light was all he knew…he had time to be thankful that at least it wouldn't snow on him while he was unconscious.

It was with annoyance that a few hours later Axel started to awaken, having been dreaming of something absolutely delicious (it involved the blonde and a porch swing, what more could he want?) and not wanting to actually be fully functioning. Soon though he knew he had to get up, his arm reaching out blindly and finding…the bed was empty?!

That alone shocked him into the sitting position, looking around madly for Roxas and listening for any sign of his fragile lover. When no sound came he threw off the covers, standing up before seeing a small fluttering object float to the floor from the corner of his eye. Walking quickly over and picking it up, he cocked his head to the side as he read what was apparently a little note from Roxas, saying that he was going out for a little walk and he'd be back shortly.

Finding that a little odd, but knowing that Roxas was prone to do odd things and always had been, he sighed in relief, moving to the closet and pulling out his long white robe. Wrapping it around his still exhausted body, he made his way out into the quiet hallway, feeling vaguely uneasy as he padded barefoot down the stairs and into the kitchen. The house felt…strange. It didn't feel like Roxas had been around for at least a few hours, the rooms lacking the certain feel that was distinctly the blonde's presence.

It made Axel nervous, and he wasn't certain why.

Once he made it to the kitchen he began to make coffee, slowly scooping the grounds into the little paper filter and yawning. It nearly took the entirety of three minutes before he finally got it going though, being so distracted that he could hardly manage to see straight much less actually do anything productive.

Flashes of the night before replayed in his head, making him close his eyes and lean his shoulders against the nearest wall, letting his head fall forward just the slightest bit. He could nearly hear Roxas moaning in his head, the way the blonde's teeth would gnaw at his lips and they sharp bowing of his back as he came. All in all, Axel had to admit that the experience had probably been the best of his life, and that was saying something considering all the things he'd actually done. And yet, the problem remained that he had yet to actually tell Roxas about how he really felt, as though he were relying on his lover to simply know his feelings without asking.

And of course that was a bunch of crap…but how did one just go up to someone and tell them that they…

"As if things weren't complicated enough," Axel muttered to himself, shaking his head slowly and reaching up into the nearest cabinet for a coffee cup.

Suddenly, his fingers felt absolutely boneless, and the cup fell from his hand and shattered on the kitchen floor below. It was like someone had grabbed his heart and twisted, the sense that something was terribly wrong making him nearly break out into a sweat. In all the time that he'd had his heart he'd never felt any sensation like this, the driving compulsion to find out what was wrong and to fix it. Shaking his head, he looked down at the broken ceramic at his feet and tried to think clearly.

"Roxas," he whispered, suddenly deciding that the off-balance feeling that he'd been having had gone on long enough. He didn't care how long Roxas had been gone, he was going to go and find him and make certain he was all right. With that he nearly ran to the coat closet, grabbing out his long black duster and pulling it over his clothes (robes and all). He nearly walked out of the house and into the snow with no shoes before remembering them, practically falling over onto the floor and he hastily pushed on his boots and threw open the door.

Only to see the object of his absolute affection in the worst possible condition that he could have imagined…

"Roxas!" he exclaimed, falling down to his knees and reaching down to touch him. At first he was almost afraid to rest his hands upon the blonde, who was covered head to toe in a thin sheet of ice, his poor hair frozen into little icicles that clung to his face. That face was actually tinted just a tad blue, his lips a deep purple color that at first had Axel thinking he might be dead. No…no no no…he couldn't be dead. Finally he wrapped his arms around Roxas' body, cringing at how cold he was and the sound of ice cracking and falling onto the porch as Roxas lay lifeless in his arms.

Without thinking he let his hands warm up, running them over Roxas face and instantly melting the ice that lay there, doing the same with his hair as he laid the smaller man on the living room couch. Not knowing what to do, he ran out of the living room, taking the stairs two at a time to reach the bedroom. When he got there he threw open the door, looking around in a panic for one of their glass phones. Finally he saw his, grabbing it and thinking of the first person that he thought could actually help.

"Come on Sora," he said, running back down the stairs to skid to a halt back in front of the couch where Roxas still lay prone. "Come on!"

The liquid inside began to glow a brilliant jade color, and the sound of Sora's voice finally found him, sleepy and slightly agitated.

"Axel," his voice muttered, slightly muffled. Axel could only assume that the Keyblade Master was still in bed, but the didn't really care much as Sora really was the only one that he could think of at the time being.

"Roxas got hurt!" Axel cried, hearing Sora sit up in bed on the other end of the line. "I found him all frozen outside the front door! I don't know what to do! Can you call someone to help? Hurry, okay?"

Without waiting for a response he put the phone back down and moved over to Roxas who was stirring slightly on the couch. His lips weren't quite so purple anymore and his skin was beginning to have some color, making Axel's worry go down slightly but not enough to truly calm him down. Gods only knew how long Roxas had been laying out in the cold, though if the icicles on his body were any indication it would had to have been for a long time. How had he gotten all wet anyway? Axel shook his head and reached down with his hands again, letting the heat from them melt what was left of the cold ice on Roxas' body.

"Wake up Rox," he said, his voice cracking slightly. He felt like he was going to be sick, looking down at the only person he'd ever really cared about and wondering if they were going to live or not. Suddenly everything he'd meant to say didn't seem so intimidating upon facing the prospect of his lover's death. It seemed trivial that he couldn't just say the words and actually be honest with himself…but would it be too late now? He didn't really want to think about it, tears springing to his eyes that he forced back.

He didn't cry.

"Uunnhgg," he heard from below, watching as Roxas' blue eyes cracked open slightly, looking around the room as if wondering where he was. "Axel? When did I…?"

His voice cracked, clearing his throat. It sounded like he hadn't spoken in weeks, as though the voice itself had frozen solid inside of his throat. Axel sat down on the couch and drew Roxas to him, cuddling the smaller body in his long arms and ignoring the fact that his skin was still so cold that it made Axel's own go chill. Roxas' hand shakily moved up and clutched at the redhead's robe, fingers digging into the fabric and holding there. Axel moved his own hand to cover Roxas' fingers, wishing that the younger man hadn't gone out that morning and cursing the fact that he hadn't woken up with him.

Axel was sure he could have kept Roxas too occupied to go out…

"Hey there," Axel said, smiling softly. "Nice to see you awake…what happened?"

Roxas blinked a few times, trying to remember that himself. The last thing he could clearly recall was climbing the stairs of the front porch, but everything after that was a blur of color and light. Shaking his head as if that alone would clear it, he was hit with a wave of dizziness, making his fingers clutch more desperately at Axel's robe. Everything still felt weird, like the entire world was covered with a haze that Roxas couldn't seem to shake off. Finally he started to put the past few hours events back in order and spoke.

"I went for a walk…fell in…tried to come home…" he muttered, his words not making much sense even to him.

Roxas sighed, snuggling further into Axel's body and wishing that he could stop shivering. It was as though he'd never come in out of the cold, and his whole body was still shaking as though it were twenty below in the room. It was only after a few moments that he realized that he was also sweating, his clothes beading up with water as the ice melted off of them. What was going on? Axel wasn't making it that warm…and Roxas didn't really think that the fireplace could make that much heat. So he was at a loss as to how he could have gone from being sub-zero to molten lava…it didn't bode well. But he didn't have the energy to worry about it.

"I don't feel good," Roxas said pitifully, his voice slightly whining. Axel held him closer, watching as sweat began to pour down Roxas face in seemingly endless waves. A few minutes before the blonde had been frozen solid, now he seemed to have caught fire, his face flushed and his eyes beginning to glaze over. Shaking his head, Axel leaned in and kissed along Roxas' eyebrows, hoping with everything that he had that Sora had gotten help and was on the way.

"I know Rox," he said, his voice breaking. "I'm sorry."

Roxas sighed quietly in Axel's arms, feeling the world seemingly start to fade away, leaving him feeling rather detached and calm. It was only when he felt his heart beat harshly in his chest, making his eyes go wide and his spine bow in absolute agony, that he felt even slightly afraid. But even that fear started to go away after a moment or two, leaving him with the same calm, cold feeling that had been seeping into him since the moment that he had awoken. He could feel his heart slowing down now, the blood through his veins pulsing with less power than it had before, his head buzzing pleasantly. And he realized, without any fear, that he was probably dying…and for some odd reason that just didn't bother him.

"Axel?" he murmured, his tongue coming out to lick at his dry bottom lip. "Axel are you still there?"

Axel's eyes were welling up as Roxas spoke, brushing the hair back from his sweaty face as he watched his lover's life slip further away. Roxas' breathing was slowing down, his eyes open but unseeing. It seemed that the very thing that gave him life was falling away, leaving Roxas like an empty shell. Axel's head shook slowly over and over, praying silently that whatever god was up above would somehow take mercy on the quiet boy who he held in his arms.

It just wasn't fair…

"Yeah Rox," he replied, brushing his lips along Roxas' eyebrows. "I'm right here, don't worry. I won't leave you."

"I know," Roxas replied quietly. He couldn't quite put his fingers on what was wrong anymore, but he was having a really tough time seeing. Everything from Axel's face to the room around him was in a perpetual haze, and no matter how many times he blinked he couldn't seem to get it to go away. Shaking his head was out of the question, as he didn't have the energy, though if he could have he would have smacked himself across the face to wake himself up.

Dying…he was dying…dying…

"No!" Roxas cried suddenly, his eyes flying open wide though his body wasn't able to give any other response. Suddenly he was terrified, not of the actual dying (since he wasn't afraid of that) but of leaving things undone…all the things he'd never bothered to say. His mouth felt completely dry as he licked at his lips, his fingers still clutching desperately at Axel's robe as he tried to see through the fog that was slowly eating his vision.

"You know I have for a long time, right?" he asked. His body was starting to shake again but he could barely feel it, knowing only that he was vaguely moving and nothing more. He wasn't able to get breath, his words coming out short and abrupt. "I have…even when…we were nobodies. I…loved you then…and I do now."

Axel's mouth fell open at Roxas' words, unable to breath, much less for coherent sentences. Of course he had known! How could he have not? Maybe he didn't know in his mind, but his heart had always known, had sent near-silent whispers to him in his most desperate hours. That feeling was the exact reason he'd come back to this life, the original cause that set off a chain reaction of effects.

"Of course I knew," Axel said, burying his face in blonde locks. "But don't talk like you'll never get another opportunity. Don't act like this is the end, okay?"

When Roxas didn't respond, Axel continued. "And the feeling is mutual Roxie. Always has been, always will be."

"Don't…call me…Ro…"

But the voice faded out, causing Axel to pull back, looking down into the pale face that he'd grown to love so much. Roxas…wasn't breathing…was he? Axel felt his heart speed up, everything he knew and cared about narrowing down into that one moment as he felt his eyes well up. No way. No way! There was no way in hell that they'd gone through all that they had, only to have it all ripped away! It wasn't possible! And yet…Roxas wasn't moving, he wasn't breathing…he was…

"No, no, no, no, no," Axel chanted, feeling his eyes overflow without his say-so. "Please, please no."

His eyes closed and a guttural sound came up through his throat, tremendously animalistic, and yet the most human he'd ever sounded. It felt like something inside of him was being shredded apart, thrown to the wind and scattered away. He could hear someone crying violently, their voice breaking and cracking, and somewhere he knew it was himself. Whatever pretense he might have had was gone, and he was left weeping like a young child, wishing that someone would tell him that the monster wasn't real.

But it was real…it was…

And about forty-five seconds later, as Sora came bursting through the door with Yen Sid and Merlin in tow, they couldn't help but stop and stare at the sight before them. Gone was the cocky, arrogant redhead that they'd grown accustomed to, the one who always had a smartass remark for every situation. In his place was a man who's newly found heart had just been crushed, weeping over someone who didn't have enough time.

And as for Roxas…?


	10. Chapter 10

**Title**: The Embodiment of Emotion

**Author:** Conjure Lass

**Pairing**: Axel and Roxas

**Rating**: PG-13 to NC-17

**Author's Notes**: This is it...its...over! Now do not be alarmed...as **I am writing an epilogue**. But...as of now...EOE, my beloved work...is finished. Thanks everyone for reading this...believe it or not this meant a lot to me. I finished a fifty five thousand (minus the epilogue i'm writing) story in a month. I'm very proud of that. I hope you all love this last chapter. It's short, but I made it that way intentionally, as in my opinion if i'd drawn the story out anymore it would have lost something and gone stale. Loves to you all! See you in the epilogue!

It was still strange to wake up like this, though as the days began to pass he grew more and more used to it. It still never quite became commonplace though, his mind always seemed to protest the situation as though it couldn't really believe what had happened truly happened. And yet awake he did, every morning, at nearly the same time. He could remember when he was a nobody he would always get up late, nearly afternoon time. Now he got up at the same time every morning, when he could hear the kids walking to school outside his window.

It was comforting…

There were many new routines to be had, from the shower he took in the morning to the first thing he did when he got into the kitchen. The only thing that changed on a daily basis was the flavor of coffee that was chosen. When he was feeling a little fruitier he'd pick something that was actually flavored, though he would have never told anyone…and those that did know were sworn to utter silence.

That particular morning he awoke right on time, crawling silently out of bed and padding naked out of the bedroom and into the bathroom. He slept naked now, as there was really no reason to wear pajamas. It wasn't like he had anything to hide really. Splashing a bit of water on his face, he looked at himself in the mirror and smiled softly. His hair, that had been much longer when he'd first arrived in Twilight Town, had been cut off, a symbol of his new life, and was currently attempting to go into the spiky mess that it had been in when he was a nobody. It didn't bother him really, just amused him more than anything else. He often thought about going to get the two tear-shaped tattoos under his eyes, just to round out the look, but always changed his mind.

They, like a lot of things, were better left to one of his past selves.

He stood with his rear to the counter, waiting for his coffee to finish brewing before pouring it into a silver mug with a lid that didn't allow the heat to get out. He was going out, just like he went out every morning at the same time of day, to see the same things. Only this morning he had a different objective in mind, and so he had to get a move on early if he wanted to get there on time.

Twilight Town was beautiful in the early spring, the air outside just crisp enough to make your eyes water when it first hit you, and yet by afternoon it was comfortable enough to wear little but a long sleeved shirt and nothing else. This morning was no exception, as Axel wandered down the sidewalks until he reached the merchant district, pausing in front of a large stand of flowers.

They were kind of pretty…

He paid for a small bouquet of white gladiolus, a tube-like flower that was on a long stem, with many blooms that extended from the top to the bottom. Hoping no one was looking to see him look so incredibly girly, he let his nose wander down to sniff at them, not able to draw a lot of scent from them but liking it nonetheless. With that out of the way he walked further down the street, glancing around with a calm air about him.

He could remember the many times he and Roxas had walked these streets together. The greenhouse in the little clearing, the little park benches that they'd had long conversations on, everything seemed very real and present. It made him smile as he walked along towards the pier, flowers still in hand as he made his way further along. Finally he reached the wooden docks, standing at the beginning and staring down the long length and the many boats that floated happily in the water.

Already people were beginning to climb aboard there boats and little ships, some of them going out to fish for the day and others simply enjoying the newly warming weather and the chance to be out on the water without any distractions. Axel walked slowly down the pier, watching his feet as he did. Each step seemed to take a long time, as if he were walking in slow motion and the entire world was rapidly changing around him. It was like walking through memories, though more like moving through a random dream.

A memory of a dream…

If he closed his eyes and was quiet, he could still remember the way Roxas' face had looked as he'd climbed onto 10,000 Needles, the way his blonde hair had blown across those perfect eyes. In his mind they were even more blue than in real life, though admittedly his own feelings on the matter may have made him slightly biased. Still, it was a pleasant memory, not dulled by the ravages of time, still just as sweet and stunning as the moment that it had first passed.

The wind blew Axel's hair back slightly, making him open his eyes and make his way to the edge of the pier, leaning against one of the last posts as he gazed out towards the open sea. It was so vast that sometimes he felt as though he were trapped, but then he realized it was only his own insecurities that did that. This new life, these new possibilities, they sometimes were so vast and expansive that he had sincere trouble not running away from them. Sometimes with too many choices came an extreme amount of fear…and yet he still wasn't running. His life…this path…was set. And he had a life to live.

Yet he missed those who were gone…people he had once called friends. True, when he'd been alive the first time, and the nobody's existence that was to follow, he had said many times that he cared for very few. Of course that had been a lie. He'd liked…loved…some more than others, but in the end he'd had a generally high tolerance level for just about everyone. Except Marluxia and Saix…he never had been able to put up with either the bright annoyingly pink hair or the man who had originally taken his heart.

Though he knew it was semi-wrong…he hoped the both of them were rotting in the darkness and would continue that way…

"You know," Axel spoke quietly, knowing that if anyone heard him talking to himself that he'd never live down the reputation of being the town psychotic. "I wish we'd had more time…"

He let one of the long flowers fall into the water, watching as it floated away on the waves, only to be sucked below the surface when it had gotten a good ways out. He let another one go, one at a time, until the entire bouquet was floating away on the tide, breaking apart and looking as though the water around the docks had been littered with tiny white feathers. Sighing gently, he crossed his arms in front of his chest and wondered where all the time had gone.

Everything seemed to have moved so quickly. One day his heart had been stolen the next he'd been wandering around aimlessly trying to get it back. At first, when his memories had resurfaced, he'd thought that if he could have gone back and never had his heart stolen…he might have. But…now…with things as they were…he wouldn't have had it any other way.

"You know I'm still sorry that you died the way you did," Axel said nodding slowly, sighing to himself. "You didn't really deserve that…you never were much of a fighter…"

"I'm sure he'd appreciate being told he was a wuss now that he's dead Axel," he heard from behind him, grinning as a pair of smaller arms wrapped around his waist. Wrapping his own long arms around those familiar ones, he felt Roxas bury his face between Axel's shoulder blades, nuzzling him softly and making the most delicious purring sounds.

Little had Axel known that when he'd thought Roxas wasn't breathing he…really was just in a coma. How was he supposed to know the difference?! It had been quite the embarrassment when Yen Sid had walked up and told him that Roxas wasn't dead, only sincerely ill. Okay, so maybe he'd overreacted just a bit…but…he'd really thought he was going to lose Roxas forever! Anyone in his position would have reacted the same way.

It had taken the fragile blonde months to recover…only now he wasn't quite so fragile. In the months that had followed the incident he'd not only gotten better but gotten stronger, the body that they'd made for him calming down and truly settling into the powers that it held within it. Axel had seen Roxas twice call the keyblades Oblivion and Oathkeeper to his hands, the power of light long since having been mastered. He wasn't just Roxas anymore…he was another Keyblade Master.

Of course…that was a story for another time…

"Well he was a prissy wuss Roxas," Axel replied, turning in the blonde's arms and looking down at him. "I mean…he had a big guitar…"

"Sitar, Axel," Roxas corrected. "He'd be pissed right now if he knew you called his instrument a big guitar."

"Doesn't matter now does it?" Axel said, leaning his head on top of Roxas and sighing again. "Maybe he got a new body too…like me. Maybe he's living his second chance somewhere…"

Leaning their foreheads together, he grinned and kissed at the corner of Roxas' mouth who laughed softly. From the moment he'd awoken after passing out on the front porch, he'd taken every moment as an absolute blessing. True, now that he was well and everything seemed to be fine, he was less worried, but that didn't stop him from thinking that life…had turned out pretty damn well. He'd gotten his second chance for some silly reason.

"I think so," Roxas nodded in agreement. "Somewhere he's swimming with the fishes in the nice way instead of the whole…feet covered with concrete and sinking thing…"

"You're so eloquent Roxas," Axel laughed, finally leaning down and kissing him full out, pulling the shorter man closer when he wrapped his arms around Axel's neck, and pushed their mouths together hard. It had been exciting waking up with Axel every morning, knowing that he'd be warm and safe. Though nothing was what one would consider perfect (somehow he thought karma had something to do with that) things were still pretty damn good.

"Look," they heard a yell from somewhere near the water. "If you two are going to sit there and devour each other's faces all day than why don't we just forget this whole boating idea and just go home!"

Both men turned to see Riku standing with his hands on his hips, a captain's hat that Sora had bought for him perched delicately on his head. Oh sure, he looked ridiculous, but the happy smile on Sora's face when he'd presented him with the present had easily been enough to make him wear it. Sora himself was standing near the wheel of the ship, hands on either side and pretending that he was a pirate. All he needed was the eye patch, though Riku would be damned if he'd buy it first.

"Yeah!" Sora chimed in, glancing up at the sails. "We're all going to look so stupid on this purple boat…"

"Hey jerk," Roxas said, dislodging from Axel's arms with a wide smile and moving towards Sora. "I'll have you know that I actually like this gay ass purple boat, so don't go dissing it!"

"You're so ghetto, Roxie," Sora replied, ducking and running when Roxas ran up the ramp to give chase.

"Don't call me Roxie!"

Axel came up slowly behind, pausing beside Riku who gave him a curious look when Axel poked at the captain's hat. "Hey," he said, raising a red eyebrow. "Are you planning on steering? Because I've got experience and I really think…"

"You've only got experience in nearly hitting other boats…Roxas told me all about your little misadventure…"

"That was an accident."

"Yeah, but how about the second time when you set the sails on fire and Lulu beat you with her big leather boot?"

"Why don't you steer?" Axel nodded, moving to sit beside Roxas who was currently grinning from ear to ear while Sora held his arm as though it were going to fall off.

Roxas smiled up at him, blue eyes glittering in the sunlight as Riku began to steer the boat out of the docks and into the crisp early morning air. Maybe nothing would ever be perfect, and they'd always be messing the puzzle up and then putting it back together…but the pieces would always be there. And all you needed was a little patience and a lot of time to put it all into the right place.

Ehhh…he was turning into a sap in his old age…


	11. Epilogue

**Title**: The Embodiment of Emotion: Epilogue

**Author:** Conjure Lass

**Pairing**: Axel and Roxas

**Rating**: PG-13 to NC-17

**Author's** **Notes**: Here's the epilogue. It's very short, but what do you expect from an epilogue? I think this might make some people very happy. I don't have the entire plot worked out yet, but I think you all are going to like it just as much as this one, though it won't be anything LIKE this one. Anyway...enjoy! X-Posted

It had started with a few random drops of water, sprinkling the ground in the middle of the day…with not one little puffy raincloud anywhere around them. Axel had been outside when it first happened, a clear, cold bit of water splashing him in the face as he watched Roxas plant flowers (oh what a manly hobby) in the front yard. At first he had thought it nothing more than the water from the sprinkler and shrugged it off, deciding that it wasn't worth his time to really worry about it much.

Now…now he was a little bit more concerned…

"Is it ever going to stop?" Roxas said, his voice annoyed as he paced the living room for the twentieth time…or at least that's how many times Axel had actually counted him walk back and forth across the living room.

Smiling with a shake of his head, he warily glaced toward the open dining room curtains, his eyebrows coming together with slight confusion. It was late spring, without a cloud in the sky and yet it had been raining for the better part of two days. It had been completely unceasing, though it was unlike any rain Axel had ever seen. The wind never blew the rain, nor did it ever worsen or lighten up. It simply remained the same, falling in endless sheets to the brick streets and thirsty plants below as people stayed indoors, slightly nervous about the strange rain.

"It will stop…eventually I'm sure," Axel murmured, standing and walking up behind Roxas who was pouting gracefully at the window, the pale skin of his forehead leaning against the glass. Slowly, Axel wrapped his arms around Roxas' middle, grinning when he felt the stomach muscles under his fingers tense up slightly. Roxas was so good at hiding when the little things were turning him on…but Axel still knew. It was in the way Roxas head tilted slightly to the side, as though he was thinking about something. It was the slight intake of breath that was just this side of a whisper, the way his eyes darkened and looked like polished lapis lazuli, perfect and kind of glittering.

"Besides," Axel murmured, biting the top of Roxas ear, receiving a small moan in response. "It's an excuse to stay inside. I'm sure we can amuse ourselves…don't you think so?"

Roxas laughed, turning around and licking along Axel's bottom lip, pushing the both of the them backwards until the back of Axel's legs hit the couch and they both fell to the couch. Their mouths instantly found one another, hands wandering slowly along each other's skin as clothes started to become unbuttoned and gasps were taken.

Things had just been getting good when there was a soft knock at the door. At first Axel caught Roxas' arm, shaking his head and drawing Roxas' lips back to his own. Unfortunately, it seemed that whomever was at the door was something more than persistant, because as the knocking continued it grew louder, until both of the two young men in the living room were on their feet and moving towards the front door.

"Seriously," Axel complained, crossing his arms over his chest as Roxas put his hand on the doorknob. "You'd think people would have a little more respect for someone who wants to ravish his lover."

Roxas rolled his eyes playfully, twisting the doorhandle and pulling the door open.

What happened next was slightly a blur. As the door swung open a body fell forward, naked and completely drenched, the sandy blonde hair falling into a pale face. As Roxas caught the taller man in his arms he felt his mouth fall open, his eyes widening to the point that he thought certainly they would pop out of his head. With the added weight and the surprise of the moment he fell slightly backwards, eventually cradeling the taller man in his arms. Then, after a few moments, the eyes began to open, and blue-green the color of the sea stared up at them with a dazed far-off expression.

"You," Axel stammered, moving up quickly to kneel at the foot of someone he'd thought long dead. "You're alive! But…but how? When did you get this? What happened?!"

"Axel, shush!" Roxas said, putting his finger up to Axel's lips as he looked worriedly down at the sandy blonde in his arms.

"Hey Axel…Roxas…" he said with a small smile. "You two are lookin' lively. Pretty wicked, huh…?"

And with that tiny grin, as three old friend's reached out even though they were all confused beyond all belief, the rain that had been falling in a clear sky began to fade. In its wake was a briliant light show as the sun of twilight shimmered in the huge puddles on the ground and the people finally came out of their houses to see what had gone on since they'd holed themselves inside.

And Demyx had found them…after nearly a year of searching…

_Stay tuned for: Baptized Aquarius!_

_I think you know who the main charrie is gonna be..._


End file.
